The Big Bang Theory 5x3

The Pulled Groin Extrapolation

& Howard: All right, honey, if we’re gonna make the movie, we should go... This may be hard for you to hear, but when I say “honey,” I mean my fiancée.
    Raj: Shu-shu-shu.
    Howard: Yeah, well, now it means her.

& Sheldon: Which is closer to the new train store in Monrovia, the movie theater or The Cheesecake Factory?
    Howard: Neither of them are close.
    Sheldon: Oh, well, then I guess it doesn’t matter which one of you drives me. Let’s play a fun guessing game to see who gets to take me. All right, this four-letter word describes either a printer’s type size or a compulsion to eat dirt.
    Penny: Okay, I’m not driving him.
    Sheldon: Penny, don’t give up, you can get this.

& Amy: You all right, Leonard? You seem very uncomfortable.
    Leonard: I-I’m fine.
    Amy: Should I go? I’ve been told sometimes I overstay my welcome.
    Leonard: Wha... who told you that?
    Amy: Well, most recently my gynecologist.
    Leonard: Well... you stay as long as you’d like.
    Amy: I’m glad to hear you say that, because I’m having a wonderful time. I said the same thing to my gynecologist.

& Bernadette: Raj, take me home!
    Howard: Don’t listen to her. Go to the movie theater.
    Bernadette: Take me home now!
    Howard: Movie theater!
    Sheldon: Okay, everybody calm down. There is a simple solution here. Raj, take me to the train store, and then I don’t care what you people do.

& Amy: If it makes you feel any better, the only person who signed my yearbook was my mother.
    Leonard: Aw.
    Amy: “Dear Amy, self-respect and a hymen are better than friends and fun. Love, Mom.”

& Mom: I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO, BUT IN OR OUT! WE DON’T NEED BUGS!
    Howard: The bugs only come here because you’re their queen!

& Howard: Ma, do you mind if Bernadette stays here this weekend?!
    Mom: HEY, IF SHE’S WILLING TO GIVE THE MILK AWAY FOR FREE, WHO AM I TO SAY NO?!
    Howard: See? She’s good with it.
    Mom: FRANKLY, AFTER ALL YOUR SLEEPOVERS WITH THE LITTLE BROWN BOY, A GIRL IS A BIG RELIEF!

& Sheldon: All these years, I’ve been so wrong. The tinier the train, the more concentrated the fun.

& Penny: You’re a brain scientist. Can you explain to me why a brilliant man likes playing with toy trains?
    Amy: Not without cutting his head open, no.

---

& Penny: Oh, sweetie, guests don’t normally wear corsages to a wedding. That’s more of a prom thing.
    Amy: I never went to my prom. My mom paid my cousin to take me, but he just used the money to buy drugs.


& Howard: So... dinner went nice...
    Bernadette: Yeah. Yeah, I guess... Does your mother always cut your meat for you?
    Howard: Only when it’s fatty. Well, don’t be jealous, babe. Someday you’ll get to cut it for me.

& Howard: Hey, Ma, how about a little privacy?!
    Mom: OH, I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! HUBBA-HUBBA!

& Amy: Would you like to dance?
    Leonard: No, thank you. I’m really not much of a dancer.
    Amy: You’re not exactly winning any trophies as a conversationalist, either.

& Leonard: The bride and groom seem happy.
    Amy: Why shouldn’t they be? They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them.

& Leonard: Sorry. This wedding just reminds me of my kinda-sorta girlfriend 9,000 miles away.
    Amy: I have a kinda-sorta boyfriend who’s playing with a model train right now, you don’t hear me bitching about it.

& Leonard: Okay, fine, what do you suggest?
    Amy: We just had a lovely meal, the band... is on fire... and you’re sitting next to a beautiful woman wearing whorish makeup... Why don’t we head out on the dance floor and see if I can sweat through these dress shields.

& Leonard: I did have a great time. Thank you for reminding me it’s okay to have fun once in a while.
    Amy: You’re welcome.
    Leonard: And also for breaking the head off the ice swan so I could hold it against my pulled groin.
    Amy: I excel at spatial reasoning, and I had a hunch that the graceful slope of its neck would cradle your genitals nicely.

& Penny: Oh, God, did he make a move on you?
    Amy: No, but it’s only a matter of time. How could I have not seen this coming? Now I’m gonna have to break the little sad sack’s heart.
    Penny: Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be okay.
    Amy: Oh, Penny, much as I would treasure knowing that the two of us had been defiled by the same man, Leonard just doesn’t get my motor running.

& Penny: Do you want me to talk to Leonard, let him down easy?
    Amy: No. I’ll let him have tonight. Then in the morning, I’ll send him an e-mail letting him know this body is never gonna be his wonderland. I mean, frankly, you’ve got a better shot than he does.

& Leonard: I had a lot more fun with Amy than I thought I would.
    Sheldon: What exact do you mean by that?
    Leonard: Well, it turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time. Although, truth be told, my groin’s a little worse for wear. Ow! Why did you do that?
    Sheldon: To send a message: she is not for you.
    Leonard: What?!
    Sheldon: Not for you!

& Bernadette: Your mom and I made you breakfast.
    Howard: Oh, wow. So you guys are getting along?
    Bernadette: Yeah, I guess... We’re very different people, Howard, so communication’s a little tricky.
    Mom: DOES HE LIKE THE PANCAKES?!
    Bernadette: HE DIDN’T TRY THEM YET!

& Howard: I don’t need any butter.
    Bernadette: IF YOU WANT BUTTER, I’LL GET YOU BUTTER.
    Howard: Well... I guess I’ll cut these by myself.

On Imdb.