& Dr. Julia Harris: Did you ever see that show Gossip Girl?
Dale: No.
Julia: Ooh. I watched an episode last night. I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy, I broke a nail.
& Kurt: I love my job. If you ask me, anyone who hates their job has no one to blame but themself. We make our own destinies, and I’ve made a sweet one.
& Dave Harken: Oh, you want one?
Nick: It’s 8:15 a.m.
Harken: Well, is there something wrong with a man enjoying a drink in the morning?
Nick: No. Thank you. Sure, thanks.
Harken: Bottoms up.
Nick: Nothing for you?
Harken: Nick, it’s 8:15 in the morning. I’m not an alcoholic.
Nick: The only reason I took one, I thought you were gonna have one.
Harken: You took one because you thought I was? Is that something a senior VP would do?
Nick: I was just trying to be polite.
Harken: So if I, uh, was gonna put my balls in honey and shaved coconut... you’d do that too?
Nick: I would not.
Harken: Sure? Because I’ve got some coconut. I’m having my teeth whitened Tuesday. You have to get your work done by Monday... which means you’ll probably be here all weekend... Look, if you want a promotion, you gotta earn it. Now, what do I keep saying?.. Life is a marathon, and you cannot win a marathon...
Nick: ...without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples, right?
Harken: Right. Nick. It’s 18-year-old Scotch. You don’t really expect me to pour it back into the bottle, do you?..
& Dale: I’m on the registered sex offender list, yes.
Nick: You can’t get that expunged*? All you did was pull your dick out on a playground.
Dale: I was taking a piss at night, there were no kids. All right, you know what? You don’t put a playground right next to a bar. It’s entrapment*.
Kurt:
& Harken: Morning, everyone. So I have finally decided... who I want to be our new senior vice president of sales... He’s right here in this room... It’s me.
Nick: What’d he say?
Harken: I’ve decided to absorb the responsibilities... of the senior VP position into my own. I’ve realized if you wanna get something one right, you gotta do it yourself. I’ll break through the wall of the office that would have been the senior VP’s... and make one huge, enormous office. However, I will only be taking 85 percent of the additional salary I am entitled to... and that is self-sacrifice, people. Learn from it.
& Nick: Can I speak to you?
Harken: Sure, what is it?
Nick: For months you’ve been hinting I was in line for that promotion...
Harken: And look how hard you’ve been working.
Nick: You were just lying to me?
Harken: Lying? No, Nick, motivating. I mean, look, we’re all part of the same team here. Plus, you know, I’m the one who’s gonna be doing all the extra work.
& Harken: I needed you to work late because you are an invaluable member of this operation. And I need you in the position you’re in.
Nick: Well, tough shit, okay? Been in that position for eight years. Why would I stay after being treated like this?
Harken: Well, because I’d make sure that nobody in the industry would ever hire you again.
Nick: Bullshit.
Harken: No, because they’re gonna want my letter of recommendation, right? So I’m perfectly willing to write that you are an insubordinate, dishonest drunk.
Nick: You can’t do that. That’s not true.
Harken: Let me tell you something, you stupid little runt. I own you. You’re my bitch. Don’t walk around thinking you have free will because you don’t. I can crush you any time I want. So settle in because you are here for the long haul.
& Bobby Pellitt: You can start with Large Marge. Marge, can you come in here, please?
Kurt: No, Margie’s not fat, she’s pregnant. I’m not gonna fire her.
Bobby: Well, fine. Uh... stay where you are, Marge. Congratulations. You can fire, uh, Professor Xavier.
Kurt: Who are you talking about? You mean Hank?
Bobby: Yeah. He creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special secret chair. He’s up to something.
& Julia: You know what? Forget it. Listen, let’s just cut to the chase, all right, mister? You’re engaged now.
Dale: Right.
Julia: And I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it. So that’s why you’re gonna have to fuck me well before the wedding. Because the closer we get to this date, the less ladylike I’m gonna feel about it.
& Kurt: ... That coked-up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He’s just gonna fire everybody.
Dale: ... She stood there with her breasts right in my face.
Nick: Yeah, you know, yours doesn’t sound that bad.
& Julia: You’re gonna give me that dong, Dale.
Dale: My dong?!
Julia: You’re gonna fuck my slutty little mouth.
Dale: Do you hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who talks like that?
Julia: Let’s have sex on top of her. Let’s use her like a bed.
& Julia: I’m gonna tell her you fucked me.
Dale: What?!
Julia: If you don’t fuck me, I’m gonna tell her that you fucked me.
& Dale: I’m in. Let’s kill this bitch!
& Wetwork Man: Are you Dale?
Dale: I am the one they call Dale.
Wetwork Man: Hmm... Are all three of you participating in this?
& Wetwork Man: Who’s first?
Nick: “Who’s first”?
Kurt: No.
Dale: We don’t want you to kill us! We want you to kill another person. If anyone’s first, probably him.
Kurt: No. Goddamn it.
Wetwork Man: Gentlemen, gentlemen, what are you talking about?
Dale: Your ad said you do wet work.
Wetwork Man: That’s correct. I urinate on other men for money.
Kurt: What was that?
Nick: What’d he say?
Dale: I think he said he pisses on dudes.
Wetwork Man: Why else do you think my ad was in the “men seeking men” section?
& Wetwork Man: Are you telling me that I’ve driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on?
& Dean ’MF’ Jones: Motherfucker Jones.
Nick: How’s that?
Jones: Motherfucker Jones.
Dale: Your first name is “Motherfucker”?
Jones: Last name Jones. You got a problem with that?
Dale: No. No. Cool name. Yeah. Is that, like, on your birth certificate too?
& Nick: What do we do? What’s the plan?
Kurt: We’re here to get some intel.
Nick: “Intel”?
Kurt: It’s short for “intelligence.”
Nick: I know what it stands for.
Dale: Then why did you ask?
& Kurt: Shit, is that Harken’s wife?
Nick: Yeah, that’s her.
Kurt: Oh, man, she is hot.
Nick: She sure is. Here we go.
Kurt: I’d like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states.
Nick: I don’t know what that means.
Kurt: Ah, it’s a saying.
Nick: I don’t think so.
Kurt: No, it is, it is. Yeah. No, people say that.
Nick: I haven’t heard it.
Kurt: I’ve definitely heard people say that.
& Dale: He had a little allergy shot on him and I... I mean, I jabbed him with that, but I was just saving his life. Saved a man’s life.
Nick: Hang on a second. So my boss, who we’re thinking about planning to kill... is dying in front of you and you saved his life?
Dale: Well, that sounds bad when you say it like that.
& Kurt: If Nick and I were in prison, who do you think would get raped more?
Dale: ... Nick.
Kurt: Really? Why?
Dale: It’s about weakness and vulnerability. It’s not a looks thing.
& Detective: Oh, wow. What were you doing at his house, Nick? Why were you there? Where were you during the murder?
Kurt: I was making love. I was making love to a woman. Yeah. Murdering some ass.
& Dale: Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?!
& Nick: We’ll learn the metric system. We gotta buy coats and sweaters and learn hockey and all that shit.
& Harken: I got six bullets in this gun. Which means I can shoot all of you twice, just like that bastard Pellit... if I really wanted to, but I’m not gonna.
Dale: You’re not gonna shoot us twice or not gonna shoot us?
& Kurt: If there’s anything I can do to help out before the baby gets here, let me know.
Margie: What baby?
Kurt: Your baby.
Margie: I’m not pregnant.
Kurt: So I’m just touching you? Ay.
--
expunged — снят
entrapment — провокация преступления с целью его изобличения
+ quotes on the Imdb.
__ Bazinga almost all the way.
And 7/10 from anashulick.
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