The Russian Rocket Reaction
Sheldon: I don’t know. If we’re going to start a fantasy sword collection... and I’ve long thought we should... is this really the sword to start with?
Leonard: What did you have in mind?
Sheldon: Well, off the top of my head, I’d have to go with Excalibur. It gives you the right to rule England.
Leonard: It would be a replica of a movie prop.
Sheldon: Fair enough. It’d give you the right to rule a replica of England.
& Sheldon: There’s no weaponry from Lord of the Rings forged in a Chinese sweatshop?
Leonard: Just Bilbo Baggins’ sword over there.
Sheldon: Two grown men with a hobbit’s dagger; wouldn’t we look silly?
& Stuart: Oh, I see you guys have found my little treasure.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Leonard: It’s okay, I guess.
Sheldon: Okay? It’s magnificent!
Leonard: Buh-buh-buh-buh! What do you want for it?
Stuart: Oh, it’s hard to put a price on something that’s a copy of something that was on pay cable. But for my friends... let’s say 250?
Leonard: Oh, that’s pretty steep.
Stuart: Well, it’s a limited edition. They only made 8,000 of these bad boys.
Sheldon: Only 8,000?! We’re wasting precious time. Buy it!
& Leonard: Hang on. Can you do any better?
Stuart: Are you kidding? I’m already giving you the friends and family discount.
Sheldon: Oh, did you hear that? We’re getting the friends and family discount! We are honored and we will take it.
Leonard: Slow down. Two hundred.
Sheldon: What are you doing? 250 is already the discounted price!
& Stuart: Okay, 225... my final offer.
Sheldon: Take it, take it.
Leonard: Two hundred.
Stuart: Man, you’re killing me!
Sheldon: Killing you? I can’t breathe.
Stuart: 210, and I’m losing money.
Sheldon: Oh, now, we can’t let him lose money, Leonard. I’m so sorry.
& Leonard: 210 and you throw in the Iron Man helmet.
Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet’s signed by Robert Downey Jr.
Leonard: So?..
Stuart: Okay, if you’re going to question the importance of an actor’s signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning!
Leonard: Okay, fine.
& Leonard: Sheldon, can you grab me a water?
Sheldon: Possibly.
Leonard: Can you or can’t you?
Sheldon: It’s not that simple, Leonard.
Leonard: It never is, is it?
& Sheldon: At this moment, our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states. Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton’s party, you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I’m characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger’s Friendship.
Leonard: Got it. Can I have my water?
Sheldon: Of course. Now get it yourself, you traitor.
& Penny: Wait, what is going on?
In case you have forgotten, Schrodinger’s cat is a thought experiment...
Sheldon: Penny: No, no, I didn’t forget. Um, there’s this cat in a box and until you open it, it’s either dead or alive or both. Although, back in Nebraska, our cat got stuck in my brother’s camp trunk, and we did not need to open it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there.
Amy: Homespun stories, knowledge of physics and a bosom that defies it. You’re the whole package, aren’t you?
& Howard: Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is...
Sheldon: Muhammad Li.
Leonard: Who’s Muhammad Li?
Sheldon: Muhammad is the most common first name in the world, Li, the most common surname. As I didn’t know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge.
& Bernadette: How are you going to get up there?
Howard: Oh, well, it’s really cool. You fly to Moscow, they take you out to Kazakhstan, and then you get into a Russian Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit. Or just sits there on the launch pad because the Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black market.
Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe?
Howard: Well, I mean, safe as it can be when it was built by the good folks who brought you Chernobyl.
& Howard: This isn’t the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
Bernadette: What did you think was going to happen?
Howard: Honestly?.. Sex.
& Leonard: For God’s sake, will you stop with the Schroer stuff!
Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, in which I could either know where you are or whether I like you, but not both?
& Amy: Sheldon, I know you’re a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but... you really have a mortal enemy?
Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no.
Sheldon: You just got off the list. Would you like back on it?
& Sheldon: This’ll just take a moment. It’s on a five and a quarter inch floppy.
Amy: A floppy disk?
Sheldon: Well, I started the list when I was nine.
& Bernadette: Howard?..
Howard: Change your mind about sex? I’m still mad, but I’ll do it.
& Raj: Wow. You’re not only our first astronaut. You’re also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed. You’re like a rock star.
& Bernadette: Do you guys think it was a mistake? Am I the bad guy in this?
Amy: It’s not for us to judge. We’re just here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you’ve done.
& Bernadette: I need to apologize.
Penny: Well, that... that’s good. I’m glad you came to that. But before you do, let me just ask you a big picture question.
Bernadette: What?
Penny: Are you 100% positive you love and want to marry Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette: I do, with all my heart.
Penny: Got it. Just had to check.
& Howard’s Mom: Make up all you want! Your tuchis is not leaving this planet!
& Raj: Hey, you know that beautiful actress who plays the Borg Queen in First Contact?
Leonard: Yeah.
Raj: Well, I just met her gynecologist!
--
+ quotes on Imdb.
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