The Rhinitis Revelation
Sheldon’s Mom: I’ve never had it, but there’s no harm in trying something new.
Sheldon: There’s a lot of harm in trying something new. That’s why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits.
Mom: Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he’s fine.
Sheldon: Told you!
Mom: Although, I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston.
& Mom: Do you have any idea what’s going on with those two?
Leonard: It’s kind of like the Loch Ness monster. Maybe there’s something there, maybe there isn’t. We’ll probably never know. But sometimes it’s fun to creep yourself out thinking about it.
& Leonard: She’s in India. Also, her parents aren’t happy she’s dating someone white.
Mom: Oh, that’s funny turn, isn’t it? You never think about it going the other way.
& Mom: You need to figure out if you’re in a relationship or if you’re just calling it one. It’s like they say... a cat can have kittens in the oven but that don’t make ’em biscuits.
& Leonard: So, Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi?
Mom: It was good. The only thing that would have made it better is if it was cooked and if it was beef.
& Mom: I know you feel like you can’t find someone, but there’s a lock for every key. Back home, there’s a girl works at the Wal-Mart. Tall, tall girl. Woman could hunt geese with a rake. Thought she’d never find a man, then one day, wouldn’t ya know, Harlem Globetrotters come to town. Long story short, today that woman travels the world with a semi-professional basketball player and two beautiful mixed-race babies.
Raj: I didn’t get a lot of that because of your accent, but the general tone was soothing and somehow I feel better.
& Mom: Hon, you think maybe the reason why you’re having trouble finding a guy to settle down with is because you’re letting them ride the roller coaster without buying a ticket?
Penny: Oh, they don’t always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups...
Mom: ...don’t beat yourself up. When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine.
& Howard: I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mom: Oh, my word, a trip to the heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I’ve got a good book you could read.
Howard: Thanks, but I watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special every year, so I get the gist.
& Sheldon: That lecture was a waste of time. I made more accurate diagrams of the expansion of the early universe on the nursery wall with the contents of my diaper.
Amy: Are you getting sick?
Sheldon: No, I’m just allergic to people who get Nobel Prizes for no good reason.
Amy: Sheldon, is it possible that your foul mood... or, to use the clinical term, bitchiness... is because your mother isn’t making you a priority?
Sheldon: No. Or to use the clinical term, “nuh-uh”.
& Penny: This is like the worst Hollywood tour ever.
Leonard: What are we gonna do?.. She wanted to see churches.
Penny: Hey, they have wine here, don’t they?
& Raj: None of our gods have abs like that.
Howard: Yep, that’s the last Jew who did sit-ups. And look where it got him.
& Mom: Hey, while we’re here, why don’t we all do some praying? Let’s put a little church in this church.
& Mom: It’s easy. I’ll show you how. Lord, Mary Cooper here. Coming to you from "Gomorrah," California.
& Mom: All right, Penny, your turn.
Penny: Okay, um... Hey, God. What’s up? Um, I’m good, but, uh, it would be a big help to my family if you could get my brother to stop cooking meth. But no cops. Be cool.
& Mom: Leonard, you’re up. Wasserman, you’re on deck.
& Mom: How about you?
Howard: Oh, me? No. Thanks, I’m good. I’m really just trying not to burst into flames.
& Penny: Oh, Mrs. Cooper, it smells so good.
Mom: You take notes, darlin’. The real way to get a man is with melted cheese and cream of mushroom soup. He’ll die at 50 but his love will be true.
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+ quotes on the Imdb.
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