The Crocodile's Dilemma

Fargo 1×1

& Lester: Well, it’s just slow now at the shop.
    Pearl: Oh, hon. That’s what ya always say... “slow.”

& Sam: That, there, boys... is a black man. .... Lester... Niggered.
    Lester: Now, come on, Sam, it... it’s Nygaard,

& Lester: It was just a... misunderstanding.
    Lorne: Now, was this you misunderstanding the other fella, or him misunderstanding you?
    Lester: Pardon?
    Lorne: Who misunderstood whom?

& Lorne: No, mister, we’re not friends. I mean, maybe we will be someday. But I gotta say, if that were me in your position... I would have killed that man.

& Lorne: You’re doing it wrong. You need to press your forearm into the back of his neck, grab your elbow with the other hand to choke him right out.

& Lester: Aw, jee... what is that?
    Chaz: That there... is your m249 S.A.W. light machine gun, sometimes referred to as “the piglet.”
    Lester: Are you allow... c... can you even have that?
    Chaz: Is it legal? Technically, no way. But ... heck, I’m an American. I pay my taxes. You wanna take a look?.. It’s gas-operated, air-cooled. Shoots 725 rounds per minute.

---

& Chaz: Sometimes I tell people you’re dead. I mean, heck, Lester, you’re 40 years old. When are you gonna get your act together?

& Hotel Owner: Is it just for you, the room?
    Lorne: What difference does that make?
    Hotel Owner: It’s a different rate for two. And if you got pets... dog, cat... it’s an extra 10 bucks.
    Lorne: What if I got a fish?
    Hotel Owner: ’Scuse me?
    Lorne: Would a fish cost me $10? Or what if I kept spiders or mice? What if I had bacteria?

& Hotel Owner: Sir, perhaps you’d be happier in a different motel?
    Lorne: I just wanna know the policy. You see, I’m a student of institutions.

& Lorne: Why do you let her talk to you like that?
    Hotel Boy: Aw, she’s not that bad.
    Lorne: Son, she compared you to a clam.
    Hotel Boy: Well, what should I do?
    Lorne: A guy insulted me once. I pissed in his gas tank. Car never drove straight again...

& Vern: How’s the leg?
    Lou: Eh. Goes from my ass to the ground just like the other.

& Lorne: Your problem is you spent your whole life thinking there are rules. There aren’t. We used to be gorillas. All we had is what we could take and defend.

& Lorne: It’s a red tide, Lester, this life of ours. The shit they make us eat... day after day, the boss, the wife, et cetera, wearing us down. If you don’t stand up to it, let ’em know you’re still an ape deep down where it counts, you’re just gonna get washed away.

& Pearl: You’re not a man, Lester. You’re not even half a man.
Ω Bazinga!

& Lorne: We could do it that way. You ask me for my papers. I tell you it’s not my car, that I borrowed it... see where things go from there. We could do that. Or you could go get in your car and drive away.
    Police Officer: Now, why would I do that?
    Lorne: Because some roads you shouldn’t go down. Because maps used to say, “there be dragons here.” Now they don’t. But that don’t mean the dragons aren’t there.

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