The Squat and the Hover

Two and a Half Men 9×6

& Alan: Uh, Walden, are you feeling okay?
    Walden: Yeah, fine. Why?
    Jake: Your junk’s all over the couch, dude.
    Walden: Yeah, so? It’s my house, my couch, my junk.
    Alan: Fair point.

& Walden: Of course, I was hoping she’d change her mind. But if I had hope in one hand and poop in the other, guess which hand would be full?
    Jake: The poop hand?
    Walden: Bingo.
    Jake: Yes!

& Jake: Dad?
    Alan: Yeah?
    Jake: Please tell me I’m not done growing.

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& Alan: Geez, being a parasitic leech is exhausting.

& Walden: Is that it? Am I cured?
    Dr. Freeman: Well, “cured” is one of those laymen’s terms that we psychiatrists try to avoid. It hurts repeat business.

& Alan: I think you handled that very well, seeing Bridget with another guy.
    Walden: Another guy? She’s dating Conan the Humanitarian!

& Alan: It’s like evolution, you know? He is to you as you are to me as I am to a howler monkey.
    Walden: That doesn’t make me feel better.
    Alan: How do you think it makes me feel?

& Walden: I’m sorry about kissing you.
    Alan: No, it’s all right. If a man’s gonna kiss me, I prefer he looks like the Son of God.

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