Let's Play with Matches

Avenue 5 2×5

Matt Spencer: Let it burn, baby. Let it burn.

Isaac Davis: I hate to be presumptuous... but can I suggest a more peaceful solution? ... Let's not punish a guy who should never have been put in charge. ... I say maybe we take charge.

Isaac Davis: "Passengers" contains the word "ass" 'cause that's how they see us. Well, not anymore. I see people with two eyes. You know what else has two I's? "Citizens." ...
Mads: You know what else has two I's? Whiskey on the rocks!
Isaac Davis: ... We need ideas from everyone.

Isaac Davis: As citizens, I say we form a citizens' assembly and run this ship!

Isaac Davis: Who's with me? Together there are more of us!

Aromatherapist: The Engineering Committee has unanimously voted against allowing you to join.
Billie McEvoy: But I'm the ship's chief engineer. And you're an aromatherapist.

Ryan Clark: Oh, God. I have to hand it to you. You are the most positive idiot I have ever met.
Herman Judd: That's sweet. A lot of people tell me that. You know what? I think you're ready to connect...

Herman Judd: Really?
Ryan Clark: No. I just made it up.
Herman Judd: Why would you do that?
Ryan Clark: Seemed like fun?
Herman Judd: Dude, there's something wrong with your brain. You belong in the Museum of Depressed British Fucking Assholes.
Ryan Clark: That is my favorite museum.
Herman Judd: Why is that your favorite museum?
Ryan Clark: Because it's quiet.

Isaac Davis: People, can't you see yelling diminishes us all! ... No, there's just too much democracy. It's like fifth-century Athens.
Iris Kimura: We need a strong leader. We need a tough decision-maker. We need a dictator.
Isaac Davis: What?
Iris Kimura: But a benign dictator.
Matt Spencer: Yeah, let's play with matches...

Isaac Davis: People, the system isn't working. There's too many I's... in the citizens' assembly.

Ryan Clark: ... That is why we need an election.
Iris Kimura: Yes, to elect our dictator. A benign dictator. Right, Isaac?
Isaac Davis: Yeah.

Isaac Davis: Together there are more of us. But as I cannot nominate all of you, I am nominating myself. I will be that "I" in your benign.

Karen Kelly: I am honored... to announce the candidacy of Mr. Frank Kelly.
Ryan Clark: Kentucky Fried Bollocks. It's Mr. Fondue In A Pedal Bin.

Ryan Clark: Literally anybody else?
Billie McEvoy: Yes. Me. I. Will. Stand.
Ryan Clark: Billie, I like you. But you are not universally loved.

Ryan Clark: Well, I am almost alarmed by the quality of the candidates... All right, well, if that's it, then, uh, I declare the polling is open. And may God have mercy upon our souls.

Frank Kelly: I'm just gonna take the good we have and make it gooder. Engooden everyone!

Iris Kimura: I'm intensely competent. So vote for me unless you're incompetent.

Spike Martin: We've scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard we've clawed our way through it into the first circle of hell.

Billie McEvoy: And so that's why the four pillars of my campaign are en-gin-eer-ing. Engineering.

Matt Spencer: Only half of us will survive Ryan's litany of terrible choices. This will be a series of rolling tragedies in which each false glimmer of hope is succeeded by a much more real and crushing despair. I am Matt Spencer. I'm running on a ticket of radical honesty.

Ryan Clark: I think I preferred being violently deposed. It was less stressful.

Billie McEvoy: Oh my God, is that it? You just say what they want to hear and try and hide your contempt, that's it?
Spike Martin: Yeah, that's politics. And also dating.

The Office of the Other President Announcer: Formed in the wake of the third attack on Congress, the Office of the Other President is a constellation of America's brightest legacy CEOs. Beth Bezos, Amazon. Mike Zuckerberg, Reality Whack, formerly Meta, formerly Facebook. And Dusty Musk, SpaceX. Together they ratify all the President's key decisions along with this quantum computer.

Dusty Musk: Avenue 5 currently exists. We say let's 180 that reality.

Ryan Clark: Now remember, keep it short. Smile. And don't threaten them with death.

Billie McEvoy: Guys, you are booing... You are booing physics. So that's stupid. Am I the only one here with half a brain? Oh! Okay, now you're booing competence? Okay, you know what? All of you morons deserve everything that is coming to you. When death visits upon you, may you see my face.

Ryan Clark: Oh, Christ, we're gonna get the cannibal, aren't we? "Here lies Ryan Clark. Freed a cannibal, captured a cannibal, elected a cannibal, was eaten by a cannibal. May he rest... in a cannibal."

Karen Kelly: It's okay to say you want me. Say it. Say you want me.
Ryan Clark: I... w--a--nt you.
Karen Kelly: And, um, what exactly is it that you want me to do, Captain? ...
Ryan Clark: Karen, I... want you to rule me. I want to be ruled by you. Governed by you. All of us do. We all want to be governed by Karen. Not just today, but for all time.
Karen Kelly: I know. I guess I've always known. I just wanted to hear you say it.

Karen Kelly: Ladies and gentlemen, I am humbled... You know what, just eff off, you effing eff-heads!

Isaac Davis: No, I... I can't. I'm not cut out for this. I'm just a patent attorney.
Ryan Clark: Oh, come now. There's no such thing as "just" a patent attorney.
Isaac Davis: Look at me, I... I can't handle this. These people scare the shit out of me. It's like a nest of vipers developed a sense of entitlement.

Matt Spencer: In four years' time, we will all be at each other's throats, okay? That's just facts. And I will help you to survive. I've made a crossbow...

Matt Spencer: I'm gonna teach you to survive. I'm gonna teach you how to make your own. And you'll be safe. You'll all be safe with me. Except for Ryan Clark. He will suffer immensely and be shown no mercy. The only question is, how will we kill him? Will he be fried or eaten or sexed?

Ryan Clark: No... no, I can't. I've tried and I was shit at it. That's why you deposed me.
Isaac Davis: He was shit! So, so shit. And that's why he'll be so great this time!
Ryan Clark: That is literally meaningless.
Isaac Davis: He could be the best of both worlds! Together there are more of him!

Spike Martin: Eighty-six percent. That's more than the Jonas Brothers got for their second term.

Karen Kelly: Okay, people, step away. Step away. Our supreme leader...

Ryan Clark: And so it begins again... Right. What's first up?

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