Gossip

The Office 6×1

Dwight Schrute: Parkour!...

Michael Scott: I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn't exist, or that the sport doesn't exist... I should have known. Poopball?

Michael Scott: How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip, so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including "Stanley is having an affair."

Michael Scott: It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.

Andy Bernard: This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... It's a little too weird... Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all... Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder...

Michael Scott: Guys, guys, guys, you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley having an affair. That is crazy. There's no stock in it. It's a weird day for false facts. Just let it go.

Michael Scott: Look to the intern on your left. Now to your right. One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living and nothing more. And one of you will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be.

Andy Bernard: You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard.
Jim Halpert: What?
Andy Bernard: Want me to say it again?
Jim Halpert: Why did that come into your brain?

Creed Bratton: Hey, did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma? Because I don't. If it gets out they won't let me scuba. If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?

Dwight Schrute: Michael.
Michael Scott: Hmm?
Dwight Schrute: You told people that I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from.
Michael Scott: Hmm? Hmm?

Andy Bernard: Michael, am I gay?

Michael Scott: The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that...
Jim Halpert: That Pam's pregnant.
Angela Martin: I knew it, I knew it. I knew it!
Kevin Malone: Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first, I thought, "Oh! She has a new bra with padding." But then I thought, "Pam doesn't need padding." It just didn't add up, Jim.

Michael Scott: How long have you known about the pregnancy? A week? A month? A year?
Pam Beesly: Michael, we only told our parents last week.
Michael Scott: Did you pee on a stick?
Jim Halpert: I did. But it was inconclusive.
Michael Scott: You should have told me.
Pam Beesly: You're right. We should have realized that you are an equal part of this.

Mori: I learned that a company can describe their internship as full of exciting experiences, even if that's a lie. There's no regulation.
Megan: I learned that half these people's e-mail password is "Password."
Eric: I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets.
Megan: I thought it was 500.
Eric: Oh! I guess I didn't learn anything.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb