The Big Bang Theory 4x10

The Alien Parasite Hypothesis

Season 4, Episode 10

& Sheldon: Clarify something for me. Isn't the point of a communal meal the exchange of ideas and opinions?.. An opportunity to consider important issues of the day?..
    Leonard: It is. You just kind of put a damper on things when you said, "The next person I see talking with food in their mouth will be put to death."


& Sheldon: I will propose a new topic of conversation. What is the best number? By the way, there's only one correct answer.
    Raj: 5,318,008?
    Sheldon: Wrong. The best number is 73.
    All guys: ..............
    Sheldon: You're probably wondering why.
    Howard: No.
    Raj: Uh-uh.
    Leonard: We're good.
    Sheldon: 73 is the 21st prime number. Its mirror — 37, is the 12th, and its mirror, 21, is the product of multiplying... hang on to your hats... seven and three. Eh? Eh? Did I lie?
    Leonard: We get it. 73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers.
    Sheldon: Chuck Norris wishes. 73 is "1001001" which backwards is "1001001"... exactly the same. All Chuck Norris backwards gets you is: "Sirron Kcuhc."
    Raj: Just for the record, when you enter 5,318,008 on a calculator, upside-down it spells "boobies".
    Leonard: Remember when you were wondering why the girls didn't want to eat with us tonight?
    Howard: Yeah, I get it now.


& Penny: I love your little heart locket, Bernadette. {...}
    Amy: Did you know that the iconic Valentine's heart shape is not actually based on the shape of a human heart, but rather on the shape of the buttocks of a female bending over?
    Penny: Oh, so I spent seventh grade dotting my I's with little asses?.. Cool.


& Bernadette: He's really cute. How do you know him?
    Penny: Oh, we went out a couple of times.
    Amy: I'm often flummoxed* by current slang. Does "went out" mean "had intercourse"?
    Bernadette: Yes.
    Penny: No, no. But in this case... yes.


& Raj: I wouldn't be the sidekick*.
    Howard: You'd be the sidekick.
    Raj: Rat-Man is nobody's sidekick.
    Howard: Leonard, settle this. Of the two of us, who's the obvious sidekick?
    Raj: Yeah, Leonard, who?
    Leonard: 12 years after high school, and I'm still at the nerd table.

---

& Sheldon: Aren't you slicing that man's brain a little too thin?
    Amy: It's too thin if I were making a foot-long brain sandwich at Quiznos. For examination under a two-photon microscope, it's fine.


& Amy: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take my temperature.
    Sheldon: Are you monitoring your circadian rhythms in order to identify your periods of maximum mental acuity*? I did that one summer. Ah, youth.
    Amy: No, I experienced some distressing symptoms last night, so I'm checking my vital signs every hour.
    Sheldon: I'd be happy to create a chart and participate in a differential diagnosis.
    Amy: Oh, that sounds like fun.


& Sheldon: What were the symptoms?
    Amy: Elevated heart rate, moist palms, dry mouth and localized vascular throbbing.
    Sheldon: Localized to what region?
    Amy: Ears and genitalia.
    Sheldon: Interesting... Not body parts that usually team up.


& Sheldon: All right, I think I have enough to go on. Possible explanations for your symptoms are, in descending order of likelihood:

• hyperthyroidism,
• premature menopause,
• hosting an alien parasite or...
and I only include it for the sake of covering absolutely all bases...
• sexual arousal.

    Amy: Where would I have picked up an alien parasite?


& Raj: What the heck is this?
    Howard: A jar with a big spider in it, of course. Bravery test. First one to take his hand out is the sidekick.
    Raj: Are you crazy?
    Howard: Perhaps. Are you scared?
    Raj: No. But it's a stupid test.
    Howard: Oh, really? What if the earth was in danger and the only way to save it was to stick your hand in a jar with a spider?
    Raj: Oh, yeah? What if the earth was in danger and the only way to save it was to take a shower in the locker room and let other guys see you naked?
    Howard: Oh, come on. That's never gonna happen.


& Amy: I think we need to face the cold, hard truth: I was sexually aroused by Penny's friend Zack.
    Sheldon: Hang on. I don't know that we've given the alien parasite hypothesis a fair shake.
    Amy: Let's look at this logically. I have a stomach, I get hungry. I have genitals, I have the potential for sexual arousal.
    Sheldon: A cross we all must bear. You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself.
    Amy: Religion?
    Sheldon: Star Trek.


& Amy: Is it possible that your concern for me at this moment is motivated by nothing more than simple jealousy?
    Sheldon: I hadn't considered that. Give me a moment. ... All right, I've considered it.
    Amy: And?
    Sheldon: I reject it.
    Amy: You reject it because you don't feel jealousy, or because you are suppressing jealousy?
    Sheldon: I think I'll eat my lunch at home.
    Amy: That's not your lunch, Sheldon, those are the cadaver* brain specimens.
    Sheldon: Oh. As they were incorrectly sliced, you can see how I could mistake them for my sashimi.


& Penny: So how's Amy?
    Sheldon: Amy's changed. I might have to let her go.
    Penny: Oh, no. Why?
    Sheldon: I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me. But recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges. Like you.
    Penny: Just going to skip over that insult.
    Sheldon: What insult?
    Penny: Yeah. That's why I'm going to skip over it.


& Sheldon: It's simple biology. There's nothing I can do about it.
    Penny: Are you sure? {...} I'm suggesting there might be something you could do about... Amy's urges?
    Sheldon: It's illegal to spay* a human being.
    Penny: Yeah. That's not what I had in mind.
    Sheldon: Oh. Oh! You mean... something I could do.
    Penny: Exactly.
    Sheldon: Well, I was hoping to avoid this. But I might as well get it over with. Thank you, Penny. I'll let you know what happens.


& Sheldon: Yes. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. ... Is this the Zack Johnson who used to have coitus with my neighbor Penny? ... Sorry to bother you. ... Hello. I'm looking for a Zack Johnson who used to have coitus with my neighbor Penny. ... Coitus. It means intercourse. And I have a feeling I'm speaking to the right Zack.


& Amy: There's Zack.
    Sheldon: Are you sure this is what you want to do?
    Amy: It's not what I want to do, it's what I have to do.
    Sheldon: Go, Amy Farrah Fowler. Follow your endocrine system.


& Amy: Zack, I am Amy Farrah Fowler. We met the other night. I have spent my life in pursuit of pure knowledge. Until I met you, my decisions were founded in logic and reason. And yet here I stand before you, 130 pounds of raging estrogen, longing* to grab hold of your gluteus maximus and make Shakespeare's metaphorical beast with two backs.
    Zack: My gluteus what?
    Amy: On the other hand, as I look at the blank, ape-like expression on your face, I have decided to adopt the Vulcan practice of Kolinar. Good-bye, Zack.
    Zack: Bye.
    Amy: Hoo.


& Raj: You realize you can't win.
    Howard: I prefer to think that I can't lose.



--- Dict:
flummox — смущать; ставить в затруднительное положение
sidekick — друг; помощник
acuity — острота
cadaver — труп
spay — удалять яичники
longing — страстно желающий


On Imdb.