The Riddle of the Sphinx

Inside No. 3×3

& Nina: It’s wetter than a nun’s cucumber out there tonight.

& Nina: My boyfriend told me all professors keep a key above their glory hole, so I sort of just let myself in.

& Squires: And you are?...
    Nina: Nina. Nina... Noonah.
    Squires: Nina Noonah.
    Nina: Well, not really, obviously, but I don’t want to get in any trouble.

& Nina: It’s just Simon, my boyfriend, he studies at King’s College and he’s properly clever. He’s got a bike and scarf and all the Harry Potter shit.

& Nina: I... I work at Gregg’s. I’m what you call... emotionally intelligent.

& Nina: Simon says you teach Classics. Is that, like, Gone With The Wind and Pretty Woman and that?
    Squires: I teach wild creature without hospital building.
    Nina: Sorry, what?
    Squires: I teach... wild creature... without hospital building. 12 letters.

& Squires: So... A cryptic clue always offers up two means of solution. The beginning or the end of the sentence gives you the definition of the word. Much as you might get in a standard vanilla crossword. And the rest of the clue is the wordplay, if you like, which is a kind of riddle.

& Squires: Now, here we have the word «wild», which is what we refer to as an anagram-indicator. It suggests the letters can be jumbled up and rearranged. ...

& Squires: ....Architecture! See? Not so hard, was it?

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& Nina: «To wound and wander destitute (4, 3, 3)»... So, is this another nanagram?

& Nina: So, how many of these have you done?
    Squires: Crosswords? Four or five hundred.
    Nina: You must have a very devious mind.

& Squires: The Cambridge Cruciverbalist Club, the CCC. Much like the KKK, only slightly less benevolent.

& Squires: I don’t know, competitive solving can be quite combative, believe me. Blood has been spilt... Metaphorically, of course.

& Nina: I’ve got one, but it’s quite rude, though.
    Squires: I teach Catullus, dear, I’m hardly a prude.
    Nina: What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
    Squires: Very good. And what’s pink and hard in the mornings? The...
    Nina: A cock?
    Squires: ...Financial Times’ crossword.

& Squires: «Sounds like» indicates a homophone. Do you know what a homophone is?
    Nina: Is it an app for gays, like Grinder?
    Squires: No. It’s two words which sound the same, but which are spelt differently, like «their» and «there».
    Nina: Where?

& Nina: The asphyxiation of the Sphinx...

& Squires: I’m afraid that’s incorrect, Miss Noonah. Pictures can be hung, people are hanged. «He hanged himself», is the correct conjugation...

& Squires: Well, why call the police when we can have a little bit of fun with the crossword?

& Tyler: So... Do you prefer leg or breast?

& Tyler: What’s seven-down? «Catch a train before a poisonous bite.» Well, «catch» usually stands for «fish», I know that much. «A train before» could be «puffer». So, yeah, «puffer fish».

& Tyler: It tastes like chicken, apparently. But, then, doesn’t everything?

& Tyler: It’s crazy, isn’t it, what the unhinged mind is capable of?

& Tyler: You know what Anton said. Never show a gun in Act One if you’re not going to fire it by Act Five. Otherwise people feel cheated.

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Σ Deviously brilliant!