The Bill

Inside No. 3×2

& Craig: No, no. Not plates. The palate. You know? The palate. I mean the mints. In the mouth. Sucky-sucky.

& Kevin: And your wife, is she...?
    Craig: Divorced. Best three-quarter of a million pound I ever spent.

& Craig: Why is a wife like a hand grenade?... Remove the ring and boom, your house has gone.

& Malcolm: I’m sorry, Kevin. If you’re paying for dinner, you’re paying for dinner. None of this coupon shit!

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& Craig: Got any Limoncello?
    Waitress: Please?
    Craig: It’s a liqueur.
    Waitress: Lick your what? Sorry?
    Malcolm: It’s a drink.
    Waitress: Um, I will check. I’ll be back.
    Malcolm: You wait, she’ll come back with a lemon and a cello!

& Malcolm: I’m offering to buy everyone’s meal!
    Archie: Yes, because you’re a selfish prick!

& Craig: Right, gentlemen, I’d like to thank you for your company this evening. And for a good game of badminton. And if any of you happen to find yourself in the Chiswick area, please don’t hesitate to NOT ring me! Cheers!

& Archie: There’s always a bill! Somebody has to pay!

& Kevin: What did you do that for?

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