31 окт. 2015 г.

Cooties

& Vice Principal Simms: If you’re asking me to describe my pedagogical «philosophy»...
    Clint: I’m not.
    Vice Principal Simms: ...some charter schools out of Boston are «absolutely» «revolutionizing» «education.»
    Clint: I’m not sure you know how air quotes work.
    Vice Principal Simms: I wanna bring these kids back to a pre-digital era. No cell phones, and I don’t care if it’s raining labradoodles, I wanna get those kids outside during recess. Heck, I’ll lock them out. And I will do that.

& Clint: Hi there. Um, you know which one of these is Mrs Kenner’s?
    Rebekkah: Buddy, I don’t know what that bitch drinks out of. Here’s what I do know. I know that this is a rape button. It emits a shit-crazy alarm that will inform local police, who’ll arrive within two minutes should you decide to get touchy and/or feely. Wanna know why I have a rape button? Don’t answer. Because the State of Illinois doesn’t trust the citizenry enough to pass safe, sensible, conceal and carry laws.

& Clint: Um, it’s about a guy who buys a boat, but the boat turns out to be possessed.
    Wade: Like Christine.
    Clint: I’m sorry?
    Wade: Christine by Stephen King. The guy buys a car and it’s possessed.
    Clint: Um, but this is about a boat.
    Wade: So it’s like Speed 2? Starring...? Sandra Bullock, yes, of course, and...
    Clint: Keanu Reeves?
    Wade: Jason Patric!


& Rebekkah: Maybe we were created by an all-knowing God who sent down his only son to die for us, or maybe we were monkey people who sat around crapping in each other’s mouths until one day we were like: «I don’t like all this hair. Just on my head and crotch, please.» Who can say? I can’t, because the State of Illinois doesn’t allow me to, Hank.

& Clint: In fact, don’t tell those other teachers, but I want you to call me by my first name... /CLINT/
    Patriot: «Cunt»?
    Clint: What? No. You can’t say... OK, no. Uh, my name is Clint. You know what? Just call me Mr Hadson.

& Clint: So one of my students tried to eat another one’s face off. How’s your day going?

& Wade: A line has been crossed. You can’t eat the teachers, man.

& Clint: You carry on with your symphony of death. I’ll sneak around the school where there aren’t kids.
    Wade: Oh, you sneak around, huh? Sneak around like a little hobbit. I’m taking the fight to them like a fucking orc! That’s the difference between you and me.
Ω Bazinga!

& Lucy: Both of you be quiet! The only way we’re gonna get anywhere is if we turn our frowns upside down and try to get along. OK? You know how I beat the terrorists after 9/11? With a positive attitude.

& Doug: Prognosis is not good.

& Clint: Me? No, no, no. No, I— No, I definitely don’t do brave stuff. I’ve never even been camping. I have a blog. I get excited about Apple products. That’s what I’m comfortable with.

& Lucy: You can’t do anything to stop me! If I wanna go in the fucking air-conditioning duct, I’ll go. I’m just gonna die anyway just like the rest of you assholes. So maybe I’m gonna try and do something brave. A final pointless gesture of kindness in this cruel shitty world that likes taking gestures of kindness and shitting and peeing on them. You know what else? Since you’re all gonna be dead soon anyway, I should tell you I hate every single one of you.

& Clint: After the fifth half-eaten corpse you see, it’s still horrifying, but somehow slightly less horrifying.

& Lucy: This is like the worst Monday ever.

& Clint: I’ve been teaching first grade for two years. I mean, I thought I would have free time to write, um, on my free time, but as it turns out there is no free time.

& Doug: If we could isolate the virus and kill it while preserving the capsid—
    Rebekkah: Please dumb it down a little.

& Doug: Nugget out of here. Nugget out— Nugget out of here.

& Wade: I’m giving you kids an F for fuck you!

& Clint: Water won’t hold them off.
    Wade: It ain’t water... Nap time, motherfuckers. Let’s roll.

& Lucy: Where are we going?
    Clint: Place kids don’t wanna go.

Ω Looks like To be continued, Or what?

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ The start of this film will make you never want to eat chicken (or any other meat) again. Viva Veganica!


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