The Tangerine Factor
Season 1, Episode 17
* Howard: I'm glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
* Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.
* Leonard: She doesn't wanna talk.
Sheldon: Not surprising. Penny's emotional responses originate in the primitive portion of brain, the amygdala. While speech is centered in the recently developed neocortex. Former can overpower the latter giving scientific credence to the notion of being rendered speechless.
Or maybe she just doesn't wanna talk.
* Penny: Am I just an idiot who picks giant losers?
Leonard: No, no.
Penny: Okay, so I pick good guys, but turn them into losers?
Leonard: Of course not.
Penny: Well, it's gotta be one or the other. Which is it?
Leonard: I'm sorry. What were the choices again?
* Howard: Tell us again how you screwed up and got Penny back together with her old boyfriend.
Leonard: She was mad at him. She was done with him, the relationship was broken... and I walked over there and I fixed it.
Howard: Boy, that story gets better every time you hear it.
Sheldon: I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling. Previously, I felt sympathy for the Leonard character. Now I just find him to be whiny and annoying.
* Rajesh: Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw-up.
* Penny: You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice and honest... and who actually cares about me.
Leonard: What about me?
Penny: What about you what?
Leonard: What about if you went out with me?
Penny: Are you asking me out?
Leonard: Um, yes, I am asking you out.
Penny: Wow.
Leonard: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy...
* Penny: I guess you're aware that Leonard asked me out.
Sheldon: Well, he didn't actually say anything. But when he came back to the apartment, he was doing a dance that brought to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia.
Penny: Oh, that's nice.
* Penny: Wanna sit down?
Sheldon: Oh, I wish it were that simple. You see, I don't spend much time here, and so I've never chosen a place to sit.
Penny: Well, choose.
Sheldon: There are a number of options and... I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities... air-flow patterns and dispersion of sunlight to make an informed choice.
Penny: Why don't you pick at random, if you don't like it, sit somewhere else next time?
Sheldon: No, no, that's crazy.
* Penny: Here's the thing. So I've known for a while now that Leonard has had a little crush on me...
Sheldon: A little crush?
Penny: Well, I suppose so.
Sheldon: In the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.
Penny: I don't really know who they are...
Sheldon: Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon...
* Penny: Do you have anything to say that has anything to do... with, you know, what I'm talking about?
Sheldon: Well, let's see. We might consider Schrödinger's cat.
Penny: Schrödinger. Is that the woman in 2A?
Sheldon: No, that's Mrs. Grossinger. She doesn't have a cat, she has a Mexican hairless. Annoying little animal. Yip-yip-yip...
Penny: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Sorry, you diverted me.
Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrödinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment. A cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time. Now, since no one knows when or if the poison has been released until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.
Penny: I'm sorry, I don't get the point.
Sheldon: Well, of course you don't get it. I haven't made it yet. You have to be psychic, there's no such thing...
Penny: Sheldon, what's the point?
Sheldon: Just like Schrödinger's cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad. It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is.
Penny: Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard?
Sheldon: No, no, no. Let me start again. In 1935, Erwin Schrödinger...
* Leonard: Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake. {...} I don't think I can go out with Penny tonight.
Sheldon: Then don't.
Leonard: Other people would say, "Why not?"
Sheldon: Other people might be interested.
Leonard: I'm gonna talk anyway.
Sheldon: I assumed you would.
Leonard: Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny, I'm not excited, I'm nauseous.
Sheldon: Then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid.. which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.
Leonard: Right.
Sheldon: You also made a grammatical mistake. You said "nauseous" when you meant "nauseated." But go on.
Leonard: Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny. What happens if I blow it?
Sheldon: Well, if we accept your premise and also accept the highly improbable assumption that Penny is the only woman in the world for you... we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it... would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny. The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers from Scooby-Doo cartoons comes to mind.
Leonard: You're not helping.
Sheldon: All right, what response on my part would bring this conversation to a conclusion?
Leonard: Tell me whether or not to go through with the date.
Sheldon: Schrödinger's cat.
Leonard: Wow, that's brilliant.
* Penny: Maybe we should talk first.
Leonard: Oh. Okay. But before you say anything, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?
Penny: Actually, I've heard far too much about Schrödinger's cat.
Leonard: Good. {quick and expressive kiss}
Penny: All right, the cat's alive. Let's go to dinner.
--- Словарик:
tangerine — мандарин (плод)
credence — вера, доверие
cushion — диванная подушка
density — плотность; густота; концентрация; компактность
crush on — (разг.) сильное увлечение
nauseous — тошнотворный; противный на вкус; вонючий
nauseated — вызывать тошноту, рвоту; чувствовать тошноту
Starch — крахмал
fluid — жидкость
progeny — потомство; потомок
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