The Big Bang Theory 1x14

The Nerdvana Annihilation

Season 1, Episode 14

* Sheldon: Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster. I asked for turkey and roast beef, lettuce and Swiss on whole wheat.
   Leonard: What did they give?
   Sheldon: Turkey and roast beef with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat. It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order. In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread... to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.


* Leonard: I understand why no one else bid.
   Howard: Did the listing actually say miniature?
   Leonard: I just assumed. Well, who sells a full-sized time machine for $800?
   Sheldon: In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located... within the intersection of "no longer want time machine" and "need $800."


* Leonard: Come on, guys, push.
   Howard: If I push any harder, I'm gonna give birth to my colon.
   Raj: I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up.
   Sheldon: It's the same amount of work, no matter how fast you go. Basic physics.

---

* Sheldon: Leonard, it's 2 in the morning.
   Leonard: So?
   Sheldon: So it's my turn. Why'd you set it for the day before yesterday?
   Leonard: Because I wanna go back and keep myself from getting a time machine.
   Sheldon: You can't. If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past... you would not have it available to stop yourself from buying it. Ergo, you would still have it. This is a classic rookie time-travel mistake.
   Leonard: Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?
   Sheldon: Same paradox. If you were to travel back in time and knock me unconscious you would not have the conversation motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious.
   Leonard: What if I knocked you unconscious right now?
   Sheldon: It won't change the past.
   Leonard: But it'd make the present so much nicer.


* Leonard: Here's the thing. Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines.
   Sheldon: I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own.
   Leonard: Thanks for pointing it out.
   Sheldon: In addition, your premise is flawed. In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimieux with that time machine. In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother.
   Leonard: Those are movies.
   Sheldon: Of course they're movies. Are you expecting an example involving a real-life time machine? That's absurd.



--- Словарик:
unmitigated — абсолютный, явный; законченный
colon — толстая кишка
rookie — новичок, неопытный работник
woo — ухаживать; добиваться руки (девушки); добиваться, искать (чего-л.); обхаживать; уговаривать, умолять
premise — (лог.) посылка


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