The Peanut Reaction
Season 1, Episode 16
* Sheldon: Hello, Penny, Leonard just left.
Penny: I know, I wanna talk to you.
Sheldon: What would we talk about? We have no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of. As you know, I don't care for chitchat.
Penny: Can you just let me in?
Sheldon: Well, all right, but I don't see this as a promising endeavor.
* Penny: Okay, here's the deal. We'll throw Leonard a kickass surprise party for his birthday.
Sheldon: I hardly think so. Leonard made it clear he doesn't want a party.
Howard: Did someone say party?
Penny: He just doesn't know he wants one, because he's never had one.
Howard: I suppose that's possible. But for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.
Penny: Here's the difference. The possibility exists Leonard could have a birthday party... before hell freezes over.
Howard: Fine. If I do have a threesome, you can't be part of it. I'm just kidding. Yes, you can.
* Penny: You either help me throw Leonard a birthday party or I will go into your bedroom... and unbag all your mint-condition comic books. And on one of them... You won't know which... I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.
Sheldon: You can't do that. If you make a mark in a mint comic book, it's no longer mint.
Penny: Do you understand the concept of blackmail?
Sheldon: Well, of course, I... Oh. Yeah, I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard a kickass birthday party.
* Penny: So, what'd you get the birthday boy?
Howard: Raj got him an awesome limited-edition Dark Knight sculpture based on Alex Ross' definitive Batman. And I got him this amazing autographed copy of The Feynman Lectures on Physics.
Penny: Nice. I got him a sweater.
Howard: Okay, well, he might like that. I've seen him get chilly.
* Penny: Sheldon, I didn't see your present.
Sheldon: That's because I didn't bring one.
Penny: Why not?
Howard: Don't ask.
Sheldon: The entire institution of gift-giving makes no sense.
Howard: Too late.
Sheldon: Let's say I go out and I spend $50 on you. It's a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need where you know what you need. I could simplify things, just give you the $50 directly... and then you could give me $50 on my birthday and so on... until one of us dies, leaving the other one old and $50 richer.
And I ask you, is it worth it?
Howard: Told you not to ask.
Penny: Well, Sheldon, you're his friend. Friends give each other presents.
Sheldon: I accept your premise, I reject your conclusion.
Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it.
Penny: K-hm. It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Ah, fair enough.
* Sheldon: What do you think?
Penny: Um, that one.
Sheldon: Because of the additional Ethernet ports?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: He doesn't need them. He's got a six-port Ethernet switch.
Penny: Oh, okay, then this one.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: I don't know. The man on the box looks so happy.
Sheldon: Penny, if I'm going to buy Leonard a gift, I'm going to do it right. I refuse to let him experience the same childhood trauma I did.
Penny: I know I'm gonna regret this, but what trauma?
Sheldon: On my 12th birthday, I really wanted a titanium centrifuge... so, you know, I could separate radioactive isotopes.
Penny: Of course, yeah.
Sheldon: Instead of a titanium centrifuge, my parents bought me... Wow, this is hard. They got me a motorized dirt bike.
Penny: No.
Sheldon: What 12-year-old boy wants a motorized dirt bike?
Penny: All of them.
* Leonard: Say what you will about healthcare in this country... but when they're afraid of lawsuits, they sure test everything.
Howard: I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.
--- Словарик:
chitchat — болтовня; беседа о том о сём; толки, пересуды
endeavor — (энергичная) попытка, старание, усилие
threesome — состоящий из трёх лиц; выполняемый тремя лицами (напр., секс)
mint-condition — новенький, непотрёпанный;
laborious — трудный, трудоёмкий; утомительный; напряжённый
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