The Big Bang Theory 1x15

The Bat Jar Conjecture

Season 1, Episode 15

* Sheldon: We all make mistakes. Let's move on.


* Leonard: So how do you two know each other?
   Missy: Oh, he once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.
   Howard: Excuse me?
   Sheldon: She's my twin sister. She thinks she's funny, but frankly, I've never been able to see it.
   Leonard: That's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.
   Sheldon: How exactly would one measure a sense of humor? A humormometer?


* Leonard: Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister. Missy, this is our neighbor Penny.
   Missy: Hi.
   Penny: Wow, you don't look that much alike.
   Howard: Can I get a hallelujah?
   Sheldon: Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs. They are no more alike than any other siblings.
   Howard: Hallelujah.


* Rajesh: Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?
   Missy: The sex book.
   Rajesh: The Indian sex book. In other words, if you wonder, wonder who wrote the book of love... it was us.


* Penny: So Sheldon's sister is pretty cute, huh?
   Leonard: I wasn't staring.
   Penny: I didn't say you were. I just said she was cute.
   Leonard: Oh. Eh... Maybe. If you like women who are tall. And perfect.


* Penny: Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister?
   Sheldon: I'm not ignoring my sister. I'm ignoring all of you.


* Leonard: Sheldon. Are you aware that your sister is an incredibly attractive woman?
   Sheldon: Hm. She has the symmetry and low body fat that Western culture deems desirable. It's noteworthy that at other points in history heavier women were the standard for beauty because girth suggested affluence.
   Leonard: That's fascinating...
   Sheldon: I didn't say fascinating. I said it was noteworthy.

---

* Leonard: You have to do something about it.
   Sheldon: Why?
   Leonard: Because she's your sister.
   Sheldon: I don't understand. Yes, we shared a uterus for nine months. But since then, we've pretty much gone our own separate ways.


* Howard: Is it because I'm Jewish? Because I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.
   Sheldon: This has nothing to do with religion. This has to do with the fact that you're a tiny man... who still lives with his mother.
   Leonard: Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable.
   Sheldon: Am I? Here. Eat this cheese without farting, and you can sleep with my sister.
   Missy: Oh, really?
   Sheldon: Oops.


* Missy: Any news you want me to pass along to Mom?
   Sheldon: Well, she might be interested to know that I've refocused my research from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory.
   Missy: Yeah, I'll just tell her you said, "Hey."



--- Словарик:
Fraternal — братский
sibling — родной брат или родная сестра
girth — обхват (дерева, талии и т. п.)
affluence — изобилие, обилие, богатство
uterus — матка


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