The Big Bang Theory 1x13

The Bat Jar Conjecture

Season 1, Episode 13

* Howard: Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
   Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.


* Raj: How come on Star Trek everybody's private parts are the same? No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, "Hey, get your thing out of my nose."


* Penny: Hi. Can you help me? I was writing an e-mail and the A key got stuck. Now it's just going, "aaaaaaaaa."
   Leonard: What'd you spill on it?
   Penny: Nothing. Diet Coke. And yogurt. And a little nail polish.
   Leonard: I'll take a look at it.


* Sheldon: Count me out.
   All together: What? Why?
   Sheldon: You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition? Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?


* Raj: We need a truly kick-ass team name. Suggestions?
   Howard: How about the Perpetual Motion Squad? It's beyond the laws of physics, plus a little heads up for the ladies.
   Raj: The ladies?
   Howard: Perpetual Motion Squad... we can go all night.


* Leonard: Let's put it to a vote.
   Sheldon: All those in favor...
   Leonard: Point of order.
   Sheldon: I move that any vote on team names be unanimous. No man should be forced to emblazon his chest with a Bengal tiger... when common sense dictates it should be an army ant.
   Leonard: Will the gentleman from the great state of denial yield for a question?
   Sheldon: I will yield.
   Leonard: After we go through the exercise... of an annoying series of votes, which the gentleman will lose... does he intend to quit if he does not get his way?
   Sheldon: He does.
   Leonard: We are the Army Ants. All those in favor?

---

* Penny: Howard?
   Sheldon: The answer is giant magnetoresistance.
   Penny: Right.
   Howard: Hey, I buzzed in.
   Sheldon: And I answered. It's called teamwork.
   Howard: Don't you think I should answer engineering questions? I am an engineer.
   Sheldon: By that logic, I should answer anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.


* Howard: Gentlemen, I believe I've found the solution to all our problems.
   Leonard: We can't ask Leslie Winkle.
   Howard: Why? Because you slept together... and when she was done with you, she discarded you like last night's chutney?


* Leonard: Hey, Leslie.
   Leslie: Hi, guys.
   Leonard: Ahem. So, Leslie, I have a question for you... and it might be a little awkward, you know, given that I...
   Leslie: Hit that thing. There's no reason to feel uncomfortable because we've seen each other's faces and naked bodies contorted in the sweet agony of coitus.
   Leonard: There's not? Gee, because it sure sounds like there should be.
   Leslie: Any aspects of our sexual relationship, regarding your preferences your idiosyncrasies, your performance, are protected by the inherent confidentiality of the bedroom.


* Howard: Here's your T-shirt.
   Leslie: PMS? It's a couple days early.
   Howard: No. It stands for Perpetual Motion Squad.
   Leslie: Oh, right, of course. What was I thinking?


* Dr. Eric Gablehauser: AA, I need your answer.
   Janitor: The answer is minus eight pi alpha.
   Sheldon: Hang on a second. That's not our answer. What are you doing?
   Janitor: Answering question. Winning Physics Bowl.
   Sheldon: How do you know anything about physics?
   Janitor-Professor: Here, I am janitor. In former Soviet Union, I am physicist. Leningrad Politechnika. Go, Polar Bears.
   Sheldon: That's a delightful little story. Our arrangement was you sit and not say anything.
   Professor-Janitor: I answer the questions.
   Sheldon: You didn't answer question. Hey, look. Now, maybe you have democracy now in your beloved Russia but on this Physics Bowl team, I rule with an iron fist.



--- Словарик:
conception — (физиол.) зачатие, оплодотворение
tawdry — кричащий, безвкусный; расфуфыренный; помпезный, цветистый (о стиле, стихотворении и т. п.)
to emblazon — украшать гербом; расписывать гербами, геральдическими фигурами, девизами; делать надпись
yield — (уст.) дать согласие, разрешение
chutney — чатни (индийская кисло-сладкая фруктово-овощная приправа к мясу)


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