Beg, Bribe, Bully

Billions 5×3

Gordie Axelrod: Gordie Axelrod only blows up shit when he wants to.

Bobby Axelrod: Yeah, you have to stand in front of a painting. Feel what it does to you.
Mike Wagner 'Wags': I'm sure feeling something. What is it?
Bobby Axelrod: Oh. Guy's wrestling with the big themes.
Mike Wagner 'Wags': Sex, drugs, and Cocoa Puffs?
Bobby Axelrod: Close...

Bobby Axelrod: Disturbing work, huh?
Mike Prince: It really gets into the weighty questions.
Bobby Axelrod: Mm. You know, what caught my eye is the humility in the face of inevitable decay. Something you missed, no doubt.
Mike Prince: Ahh, well, I'll have plenty of time to find it when it's hanging in my beach house.

Bobby Axelrod: Just do the next thing.
Mike Wagner 'Wags': Which is?
Bobby Axelrod: "I don't paint for money" means nobody has paid me enough yet. So, if you can't buy the art... buy the artist.

Kate Sacker: What happens when you give me a job?
Chuck Rhoades: Like Hector Elizondo in The Flamingo Kid: You cut a joint, it stays.
Kate Sacker: I have no idea what any of those words mean. But yes. I get the damn job done.
Chuck Rhoades: See, he's a plumber... And, uh, he works with his hands. A pipe joint is, um...

Kate Sacker: Well, I did it. We'll have about 5 million coming in.
Chuck Rhoades: Praise be. Yep. Just like Elizondo in Kid.
Kate Sacker: I'll take that as a compliment.
Chuck Rhoades: Oh, that's how it was intended. If I'd wanted to insult you, I'd have called you Big Sid.

Robert Beaufort: You wanted to talk banks?.. Let's talk banks. Axe... you're not getting a bank.

Taylor Mason: How do you appeal to someone whose values, whose entire system of beliefs, is opposed to yours?
Wendy Rhoades: Are you talking about me?
Taylor Mason: Not this time. No.

Taylor Mason: ... But that isn't rational.
Wendy Rhoades: That's the problem with the real world, real people. We're not computers with the software directing the hardware. We're not rational actors.
Taylor Mason: Some of us are.
Wendy Rhoades: Some of us think we are.

Wendy Rhoades: Are you familiar with Jonathan Haidt?
Taylor Mason: The social psychologist.
Wendy Rhoades: Do you believe in God?
Taylor Mason: Um, no.
Wendy Rhoades: A simple transaction. Ten bucks, for your eternal soul. Oh, and you need to sign it over on paper. Do you take the deal?... And that pause tells you everything you need to know about people.

Wendy Rhoades: The moment when convictions run headlong into layers of psychological baggage that evolution and social convention have wrapped them in. You don't believe in the religious concept of a soul, yet you still hesitate at selling yours. There's still that gap between rational thought and rational action. Between software and hardware.

Robert Beaufort: I don't want to offend. May I speak freely?
Bobby Axelrod: Please do.
Robert Beaufort: Even you can't bribe, beg, and bully your way into a bank. Your past legal troubles make you too fragrant to clear the federal background dive.

---

Bobby Axelrod: The fucking bankers almost bankrupted the country...
Robert Beaufort: And they got even richer when they did it. But they got their licenses first. They were smart enough not to stick their shmekels into the tushies of the average American until they actually had a goddamn bank charter.
Todd Krakow: As in all things, sequence matters.

Bobby Axelrod: I get it. Like Senator Geary in Two. And, as Il Padrino did in that picture, let me make you an offer...

Headmaster Kessel: It might seem like a tough lesson. But no matter how hard you try... I will not allow you to put a price on Gordie's soul.

Bobby Axelrod: Of course I defend you in front of the Headmaster... never speak against the family... but between us, you really fucked up. The risk/reward ratio is off. And there are better ways to impress a girl... than putting your whole future at stake. Look. I'm not mad that you ran a scheme, I'm mad you didn't game it out. Second law of thermodynamics, Gordie...
Gordie Axelrod: Total entropy of a system...
Bobby Axelrod: No. The price of your actions. Now we have to ruin a headmaster. A good man.

Mike Wagner 'Wags': What a show of parentage... I have so much to learn from you both, about communication between a father and a son.

Mike Wagner 'Wags': That was... um... You ever try talking to a 14-year-old girl on FaceTime?
Bobby Axelrod: Goddamn, I hope that was one of your kids.
Mike Wagner 'Wags': My youngest. It was rough.

Bobby Axelrod: Don't beat yourself up on this, Wags. Fathering ain't easy.

Bobby Axelrod: Do I fix this for him? How do I not fuck my kid up more?
Wendy Rhoades: That's the question every decent parent asks every day. Let's say you take the laissez-faire approach, let the market have its way with Gordie. He learns there are consequences. Gets suspended, probably expelled. Ends up at a lower-tier prep school or New York Military Academy. Goes to Colby instead of Harvard. There's... There's no shame in that... I mean, unless for the kid who's going mini-Winklevoss at 14... it's what he set his sights on. Then it's crushing. And maybe he blames you for the consequence. And that chip on his shoulder turns into a drinking problem by the time he's 28... Or he blames himself, accepts the consequences, self-worth gets dinged up pretty good...
Bobby Axelrod: And winds up with a drinking problem by the time he's 28.
Wendy Rhoades: And then there's you... Can you stay the course... with whatever you decide? Because if you dive in after him only sometimes, he won't know how or when to swim, or breathe, or trust. It's got to be tough love all the way... which could work out great, he could turn out great... or the interventionist approach forevermore.
Bobby Axelrod: So the question is, do I have the stomach to let him dangle?

Kate Sacker: You know that line from Hamilton...
Chuck Rhoades: You know I know 'em all...

Bobby Axelrod: Your headmaster was kind enough to cede me the mic for this morning's lesson, and I'm here to give you a little bit about what this school has been holding back from you... the goddamn truth about Darwin, scarcity and the world you actually live in.
     It's not the warm, swaddled place your Headmaster and your parents have told you about. It's populated by people like me who will TEAR YOU APART.
     Nature didn't select me. I selected myself by harnessing my nature.
     My son wasn't pulling a prank. He was trying to earn. And if he broke the school's code, it's because the code is wrong. Asked him to go against the DNA which is telling each of you to be greedy, yes, be hungry. Subjugate and conquer. 'Cause that's who we are. That's what we are. Capitalism harnesses that better than any other economic model on Earth. Everything we have is because of capitalism. 'Cause someone had an incentive to get up off his ass, to out-invent, to out-earn, yes, and to subjugate others less capable, less intelligent, less ambitious, less lucky... to make those capitalistic dreams come true.

Chuck Rhoades: Alrighty. Kids this is your new... uh, my sister. Your aunt.
Eva: She's so small, how can she be my aunt?
Wendy Rhoades: Well. The world can be a funny place, sweetie. It can...
Rhoades, Sr.: The world is whatever the hell you make it.

Sara: That should have been our score and you know it.
Taylor Mason: But it's... not the right play.
Sara: Not right? We're at work, not a fucking climate rally. You are only halfway in on this. And you know where that leaves you? Vietnam.

Mike Wagner 'Wags': What is this?
George Wagner: It's everything. It's the whole world. Beyond. Dad, I've made my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And I'm here to share Him with you.

Bobby Axelrod: I'm not asking for your soul. Just your next eight paintings...
Nico Tanner: ... You know, the place does get good light during the day...
Bobby Axelrod: Sure does.

Bobby Axelrod: If you stick around, what you'll see is: I know greatness. And that's what this is. Take a bite. Tell me I'm wrong.
Nico Tanner: Mmm. Mmm. Wow. Fuck. That's amazing.
Bobby Axelrod: You are not wrong. That's what you'll learn rolling with me. I'm never wrong... Almost never... Really never. Dig in. To all of it. You're with me now.

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