Childrick of Mort

Rick and Morty 4x9

Jerry: Yes, yes, drugs and video games. Poor babies. What you need is to level up with a bong rip of nature. Trust me, this is good for you.
Summer: Can someone just kill me? Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything.
Jerry: No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it. And that means no sci-fi bull-[BLEEP].

Summer: "Rick. Please answer me. I'm pregnant"?! Oh, my God, Grandpa, you [BLEEP] boi.

Rick: Hello, Gaia. Hold on. Let me just adjust my Seismic-to-English translator...
Gaia: Rick. You came.
Morty: W-Where is she?
Rick: You're looking at her.
Morty: I-I-I-I don't understand.
Rick: Isn't it obvious, Morty? I [BLEEP] a planet.

Morty: So, what, you just go around knocking up planets now? I-I-Is that what you do when I'm at school?
Rick: I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things. Sex with a living planet? Big step for mankind.

Rick: Hey, uh, Gaia, baby, Big Daddy Rick is here. What's the problem?
Gaia: Children. Birth cycle. Now.

Summer: Cool vacation, guys. So happy I got to see the human geyser instead of micro-dosing with my friends.

Gaia: More coming. Kids. Need father.

Rick: The fact is even if they were mine, which they're not, the best parent is evolution. They'll probably develop harder skin or maybe even webbed arms. Man, that'd be cool, huh? Flying squirrel people?
Beth: Yeah, Dad, that approach worked out great for me.
Rick: Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me. This is life in the galaxy, okay? It's totally normal.

Rick: Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment.

Jerry: Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in?
Summer: Because this sucks ass. Camping is just being homeless without the change.

Summer: That's actually really sad, Dad. Let's be real. You've been high-roading us non-stop, forcing us to do nothing in the middle of [BLEEP] nowhere because it's the only way you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it? Because if you move the bar so low, you might actually seem like you're worth a [BLEEP].
Morty: ... Jesus Christ, you really need to stop hanging out with Rick.

---

Rick: Okay, so, if we divert the Lawyer Pipeline here, they should avoid the Ethics Tube and come out spineless enough to do their job...
Beth: Right. Wait, why are the athletes going through the introvert sector?
Rick: Obviously so they can bully the mathematicians and give us astronomers.
Beth: God, you are such a space nerd.
Rick: I'm not a nerd. We're raising a society here, Beth. If we want them to be self-sufficient, they need to get out into space.

Rick: We got an oversupply of teachers putting a strain on the literary drive.
Beth: Activating playwright converter!

Beth: What the hell is that?!
Rick: The unproductives. Goddamn it! How are there so many of them?
Beth: Unproductives?
Rick: Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers. I just re-circulate them through until... [BLEEP] they blew a hole in the human resources department!

Jerry: What the... Squeeb! This is not a tent.
Squeeb: It is a new kind of tent, with special gutters to funnel the rain, and a door.
Jerry: It's a house! No houses! No doors! Once you have doors, you have indoors. Once you have indoors, you won't want to camp anymore.
Squeeb: Then why do they not camp?
Jerry: Because they're bad.
Squeeb: Bad... Bad. Bad!
— Bad. Bad. Bad.

Summer: If I die, don't eat my ass. That'd be weird.

Rick: If you told me six days ago I'd be christening a generation ship for my half-rock children, I would've called you crazy. But I guess that's the lesson... crazy things happen when you put in the work. Salud!

Rick: Did you for real just try to smite me? Siri, triangulate source of power... Got you now, you son of a bitch. Sweetie, you handle the hippies. I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh.
Beth: Kick his ass, Dad!
Rick: Bear witness.

Rick: You kids are my [BLEEP] heroes! You saved Grandpa's life! I [BLEEP] love you so much!
Morty: We played video games and got high! We did wrong!
Summer: We did wrong!
Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas. Come on, now. You kids, you did real good here. You did good. Getting high and playing video games is the best, I swear to [BLEEP] God.
Morty: But Mom and Dad are gonna be mad.
Rick: No, hey, hey, look, no. [BLEEP] your mom and dad. Your parents are a bag of dicks. Getting high and playing video games is the best, and I will never sell you out, ever.

Rick: Relax, it's just a Zeus. If this was the real God, it... it'd be a completely different story.

Rick: Phew!
Summer: I was watching over your shoulder for a full minute.
Rick: So? I was watching because it's funny. It's... It's... They... They... They're planets, but they're sexy. It's a comedic premise.
Summer: Yeah...
— Planets Only. Planets Only...

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks