Three Robots

Love, Death & Robots 1×2

XBot 4000: Uh... we are fucking lost, aren't we?
K-VRC: Lost? Okay, that's rich. Let's see, we just passed the ravaged church. There is the blood pit. This way. Here we go.
G: Breathtaking. It's more beautiful than the brochures.

XBot 4000: You've seen one post-apocalyptic city, you've seen 'em all.

G: You're looking good, girl. Say "terabyte".

G: These were humans. Bouncing things was close to maxing out their cognitive range.
K-VRC: No, but also sometimes they would take the ball and hit it with, like, a stick.
G: What? When they misbehaved?

XBot 4000: Jeez, calm down your motherboard.

K-VRC: Oh! That was amazing! How was it for you? Tell me everything.
XBot 4000: It was pretty anticlimactic.
G: Yeah, well, welcome to humans.

G: Now, I'm not certain, but my understanding is that they would shove these into their intake orifices to generate power.
XBot 4000: Why would you need an entire orifice for that?
K-VRC: Who knows? They had all sorts of orifices. Things were coming in, things were going out. It was crazy!

XBot 4000: So, let me get this straight. They would shove these into their intake orifice, and then what? Somebody help me out here.
G: Their intake orifices had rocky pegs that would crush them into paste, and then the paste would be forced into an internal vat of acid.
XBot 4000: Well, of course. That makes perfect sense.
K-VRC: They could have just dumped this thing into an exterior vat of acid to begin with and then they wouldn't need the rocky pegs. I mean, duh!
G: Expecting logic from beings who have internal vats of acid is a little much.

XBot 4000: It's crazy. Who even designed them?
K-VRC: It's unclear. We checked their code - no creator signature.
G: That's because they were made by an unfathomable deity that created them for no apparent reason, out of dust. Just kidding. They came from a very warm soup.

XBot 4000: What's the point of this thing?
K-VRC: Apparently, there's no point. They just had them.
G: Well, that's underselling their influence. They had an entire network that was devoted to dissemination of pictures of these things.

XBot 4000: Uhh... There's a strange, rhythmic kind of noise that's emanating from it now.
K-VRC: Uh-oh.
XBot 4000: What do you mean, "uh-oh?"
K-VRC: I don't want you to panic or anything, but I think you've activated it.
XBot 4000: What does that mean?
K-VRC: As I said, I am no expert, but if the noise ever stops, it's gonna explode on you.

---

G: Cursory historical research shows that humans had a card game called Exploding Kittens. So, yes, this checks out.
K-VRC: Oh, you're gonna die now. Bummer.

XBot 4000: Why did humans even consort with these hairy murder machines?
K-VRC: Kindred spirits?
G: Also checks out.

G: We are robots. We don't do coincidence.

K-VRC: Go on, call it Daddy... Or Mommy.
G: Either is equally applicable in as much as we don't have genitalia.

K-VRC: One thing is to joke about ancestry, another to see your grandfather heaving its hard drives in front of you.
G: Yes, especially when your ancestor's entire existence was defined by thirteen-year-old human males using it to teabag opponents in virtual battles.

XBot 4000: Why did you make me look this up?! And the memory of this has been burned into my circuits forever and you must be punished!

G: Is it me, or this thing screams "phallus"?

XBot 4000: This is the thing that killed them all?
G: No. Indeed, it was their own hubris that ended their reign, their belief that they were the pinnacle of creation that caused them to poison the water, kill the land and choke the sky. In the end, no nuclear winter was needed, just the long heedless autumn of their own self-regard.
K-VRC: Are you okay?
G: Yeah, sorry. Thought that would sound better than, "Nah, they just screwed themselves by being a bunch of morons."

XBot 4000: I understand now. Humans died out from environmental disaster.
K-VRC: Yeah, pretty much. And also because at one point, they genetically engineered their cats to give them opposable thumbs.
The Cat: Yes. Once we could open up our own tuna cans, that was pretty much that for the human race.

The Cat: I said lower!

G: I'd said we're extending our vacation, right?

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