The Vat of Acid Episode

Rick and Morty 4x8

Rick: So. We should be in and out. Simple exchange, not even really an adventure. And if anything goes wrong... which it won't... jump into the same vat of acid I jump into.
Morty: Okay. Wait... Wait, what? Wha-What vat of acid?

Rick: I pre-scouted this location and placed a vat of fake acid amongst the real ones. It's got air hoses and a compartment of bones at the bottom. If things go wrong, which they won't, we jump into the vat of acid, and I'll release the bones, they'll float up... What is this face you're making?
Morty: Aren't you an inventor?
Rick: Yeah, what part of a fake acid vat with built-in air supply and quick-release bones isn't inventive enough for you, and when did my job become pitching you ideas?

Morty: All right! Let's just do this. I have English homework.
Rick: You're still learning English? That's the language you speak. How dumb are you?

Rick: You brought fake crystals and a gun?
Boss: Beats real crystals and no gun.
Rick: Okay, but does anything beat fake crystals and a fake arm?

Morty: A vat of fake acid! Are you dying of dementia?

Rick: Wh-When did you get so cocky?
Morty: Tonight! Tonight, Rick! The night I saw you fail!
Rick: Because you ruined it!
Morty: It was pre-ruined!

Morty: Big man, big genius. Big lonely drunk.
Rick: Hey, save some of these atomic-age beatnik zingers for your English homework, Bukowski.

Rick: There's no such thing as a bad idea, Morty. It's about execution.

Morty: Oh, so you don't do anything unless it's original?
Rick: I don't do time travel.

Morty: You can't do it.
Rick: There is nothing I cannot do.
Morty: A place-saving video-game thing!
Rick: You're a piece of [BLEEP].
Morty: Just say you can't do it!
Rick: I won't!
Morty: You won't say you can't?
Rick: [BLEEP] you, Morty!
Morty: [BLEEP] you!

Morty: You're a great inventor. We just got a couple things to work on. Let's start with inventing a little honesty. Sound good?

Morty: Holy [BLEEP]. You did it! You did it!
Rick: I did it, you little son of a bitch!
Morty: How did you...
Rick: Morty, do you want me to explain, or you wanna go have some fun?

Morty: Oh, my God. Rick, this is... this is... thank you!
Rick: You can thank me later. Go nuts.
Morty: Best grandpa ever!
Rick: That's all I ever wanted to hear.

---

Goldenfold: Bold move, Morty Smith. But can you deliver?
Morty: Holy [BLEEP]. I can do anything.
Goldenfold: Yes, with math, anything is possible. Except a long-term relationship with a woman that calls you a warlock for using a phone.

Morty: I think you invented a little lesson for me along the way. Living without consequences is great, but then I started wondering... what am I living for? What am I building? If I'm always looking back, I'm never looking ahead. And then it hit me. We are who we are because of consequences. You can't live without consequences, y'know? You feel me?

Morty: What're-What-What are you talking about?
Rick: You did everything you did. It all happened.
Morty: No. But the... the respawn button. The... The do-over.
Rick: It's not a do-over. You just did it. Over and over.

Rick: You see, Morty, you weren't saving your place and going back. I don't respect time travel. If "Ant Man and the Wasp" can do it, I'm not interested.

Rick: It wasn't so much a do-over as it was isolating a moment in time, splitting your probable selves, and shunting you into to into a near-duplicate, equally probable reality, transporting you into it at the moment of parallel determination. Pretty nifty. Time crystals are a bitch and a half, but the only real hitch is that there was already a you in each probable dimension. So we had to solve for that.

Rick: That's right, you little bitch! It's "The Prestige"! You "Prestige'd" yourself!
Morty: Rick, how many did I kill?
Rick: You tell me, Morty. Every time you reset to smell Jessica's hair, every time you relived a satisfying fart, that's how many Mortys you've incinerated, you greedy little junkie.
Morty: Oh, God... even those times when I...
Rick: Especially those times.

Rick: It's over, Morty. Feel this. Take this in. This is God.
Morty: Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh... Why would you do this?
Rick: My hands are clean, Morty. I gave you a choice. You could listen to me explain, in great scientific detail, how it all works... or you could have fun. Did you have fun, Morty?

Rick: Well, Morty, I'd say we've invented a little honesty today. How about you?

Morty: What? What is this?
Rick: Wow. Looks like a SWAT Team, some drug dealers, some grassroots MeToo activists, the ACLU... Jesus, Morty, the AARP?
Morty: I don't wanna talk about it!
Rick: The NAACP, GamerGate... Morty, is that Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor?

Rick: Seems like there's no way out of this one. Unless...
Morty: God damn it.
Rick: Yeah, I guess it is, uh... what did you call it?
Morty: Uh, uh, "A shitty idea"? God damn it.
Rick: Say the vat is good.
Morty: The vat is good.
Rick: Kiss the vat.

Sonia Sotomayor: Are we here for justice... or something else? "Though justice be thy plea, consider this, that in the course of justice... none of us should see salvation. We do pray for mercy."
Rick: "Merchant of Venice," nice.

Rick: Don't ever make fun of me again. Ever!

Rick: All right, c'mon Morty, let's go home.
Morty: Wait, what? This... This isn't our reality?
Rick: What, you think I'd waste our home teaching you a [BLEEP] lesson? I am gonna miss this place, though... Johnny Carson's still alive and on the air, 9/11 never happened, and Rocky Road ice cream has peanut butter instead of marshmallows.
Morty: The fu... What? The marshmallows are the best part!

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