My Brother's Keeper

Lucifer 3×14

Lucifer: Yes, yes. You hate living forever 'cause you can't see how much fun it is. I'll never understand you.

Mazikeen: Trix, sever their Achilles first. If they can't walk...
Trixie: They can't betray you!
Mazikeen: ...they can't betray you.

Lucifer: Mm, well, that's what eldest brothers want you to think. Always talking down to you from their pedestals that they put themselves on. But when you need them to help you kill someone... where are they then, hmm?

Lucifer: Brothers can't be trusted, Detective. You're just delaying her inevitable disappointment.

Lucifer: Brothers. Am I right? I mean, you get it. You killed yours. I wish I had that option.

Pierce: No, I mean, how do you know that he's God's favorite?
Lucifer: It's a long story, involving a flaming sword and a space vagina. But the quick version: The Book said it, so it must be true.

Lucifer: Ah, the diamond industry... truly the greatest trick someone other than me played on the world. Thousands of dollars for lumps of old coal. Incredible.

Chloe: And for the record... I wish I had a brother to fight with.

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Lucifer: Tell me... Tiffany, what is it you desire?..
Tiffany: To punch every millennial in the face.
Lucifer: Really? I mean, I don't disagree, but still.

Mazikeen: I'm gonna give you two choices. I can either break your arm... or I can cut your...

Kane: By chance, you have any idea how annoying it is to be an immortal human being?... You see, first you get to watch everyone you love die, over and over. And that sucks. And on top of that, it's boring. I've been everywhere there is to go. Tried every kind of food. Sex. Music. Nothing surprises me anymore.
Amenadiel: Have you tried Game of Thrones?
Kane: It's been a literal Hell on Earth.
Amenadiel: Well, the punishment fits the crime, Pierce.
Kane: A little harsh if you ask me.

Pierce: Don't think a little death... is gonna stop me.

Ella: That's so Maze.

Lucifer: Ah, the slow hand clap, it never gets old, does it?

Lucifer: No need to promise, Jay Lopez. Because I'll be watching you, and if you ever disappoint her again... I'll come for you.

Lucifer: Look, I know... you're just being a good older brother. Trying to protect me, 'cause you think I need protecting.
Amenadiel: Yes, that's right, because I am my brother's keeper.

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