Life Sucks and Then You Die

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Bryna: You know, I wanted lipo for 20 years. I didn't die not getting it.
Maura: Well, you know, it's not exactly the same thing, but, you know, Carpe-fucking-Diem, Bry. Go get your lipo.

Maura: Well, life sucks, honey, and then you die, all right?

Bryna: You were not a handsome man. And I don't think you're gonna be a very pretty woman, and I don't think surgery can do anything to help that.

Bryna: The next time I see you, you're probably gonna look like Michael Jackson... with half a Brussels sprout for a nose!

Maura: You gave him nothing!
Bryna: It took 45 minutes for that pizza to show up!
Maura: So what?
Bryna: And I always... I always tip 15%.
Maura: 15% is what you give for bad service. 15% is when they spit in your food. 15% is when they stab you.

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Raquel: Can you clarify for me really fast what spirituality is for you, Sarah?.... 'Cause I can tell you what it's not. It's not changing your mind whenever you feel like it. It's not following your bliss. It's not finding yourself by crawling through your belly button and out your own asshole and calling it a journey.

Raquel: You know what? I don't give a shit if the Pope, if fuckin' Donald Trump, if Moshiach himself shows up to this fucking thing! I'm not doing it!
Sarah: Who's Moshiach?

Colton: I wanna take this moment right now to ask if there's anyone out here today who might not be saved yet... but wants to know Jesus as their personal Lord and savior... To come on up to this altar. Would anyone here like to renounce Satan and accept Jesus into their heart?... Who wants to have their burdens lifted from them? Who wants to be free?... Who here wants to accept Jesus into his heart? Come on up.

Colton: Josh Pfefferman, do you want ever-lasting life?
Josh: Mm-hmm.
Colton: Do you renounce Satan?
Josh: Sure.
Colton: And do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior?
Josh: Okay.

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