Teambuilding Exercise

Silicon Valley 4×4

& Richard: Welcome to the future, Gavin.

& Erlich: Jian-Yang, my beautiful little Asiatic friend, I’m going to buy you the palapa of your life. We will have 12 posts, braided palm leaves. You’ll never feel exposed again.

& Erlich: We can’t, because we just spent a big fat stack of cash on little Dinesh over here. And there are other expenses... legal, marketing, operating fees, those goddamn AWS charges. Fucking Bezos!...

& Monica: I’m gonna tell Laurie that this was a smashing success. Go make it one.
    Jian-Yang: Erlich was right. You are a white witch.
    Erlich: ... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

& Jared: When you don the skin of the beast, the man within dies.
    Richard: What is that? Nietzsche?
    Jared: One of the boys at my group home always said that. He died.

& Dinesh: What about for my phone?
    Gilfoyle: You mean the thing that tracks your movement and every interaction you have? Literally, your fingerprint?

& Gilfoyle: The fuck was that?
    Erlich: Oh, just three months of runway being driven off by 90 pounds of asshole.

& Erlich: Professor Bighetti, a word if you please?..

& Jared: He’s a talented engineer, but in an office environment, he can be both tardy and fresh.
    Richard: Uh, I’m... I’m not hiring him. He uses spaces not tabs.

& Jared: You need me... the half-crazed, half-Apache who will do anything to get your back. I’ll scalp     Gavin if I have to, and all the rest of those paleface sons of bitches. I’ll kill them with knives. I’ll kill them with guns. I’ll kill them with my hands. I’ll talk them into suicide. It doesn’t matter.
    Richard: All right, Jared, I... I think what you’re asking is... you want a job?

---

& Richard: You’re more than welcome to work on this. But just to be clear, you’re not gonna stab anyone, are you?
    Jared: .... Oh, it feels good to laugh.
    Richard: So... So, that’s a no then?
    Jared: .... Richard.

& Dinesh: Just so you know, this does not mean I don’t trust her. I’m just doing this so you’ll, like, shut up and leave me alone... Mia, if you’re listening, you’re so pretty.

& Dinesh: Oh, you’re both headed to Gavin’s?
    Jared: Indeed we are. Together again. Butch Cassidy and his head of business development.

& Jared: Richard, Gilfoyle is a man of intense pride. So, when he refers to a potential employee as a «pig-faced fuck nose,» what I hear is «I need to be needed.»
    Richard: Well, what I hear is «pig-faced fuck nose.»
    Jared: Exactly. I mean, Gilfoyle’s insults are normally well crafted, almost poetic. Last week, he referred to me as «Frankenstein’s bulimic daughter.»
    Richard: Yeah, I get what you mean.

& Jared: Really? «Butt-dick»? The man’s in pain.

& Erlich: Wait, that’s stealing!
    Vanessa: No. It’s exactly what Mark Zuckerberg did to the Winkle guy in that Facebook movie Professor Bighetti had us watch. And he was the hero of that film.

& Gilfoyle: Wow. I would say, «Not safe for work,» but this is your work...

& Dinesh: No. Not hot dog.

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