God Johnson

Lucifer 2×16

& Lucifer: I’m not the Devil, I’m just a man who’s delusional. I made it all up. I made it all... up.

& Linda: Ah, that’s a relief... God and His ex having a fight to the death? Sounds kind of bad for, you know, humanity.

& Lucifer: Well, hello, God.

& Lucifer: Enough of this idle chit-chat. Time to tell you what the charade’s really about. What do you desire? Hmm? To avoid a vengeful ex-wife? Years of back taxes? What’s your game?

& God Johnson: It was real good seeing you, Samael.
    Lucifer: What did you say?.. Dad?!

& Amenadiel: Luci, that’s not the way Dad operates. If He has a problem, He sends an emissary, like me, or maybe... a burning bush.

& Lucifer: My father would never use public transport. That song is completely unrealistic.
    Ella: What song?

& Lucifer: I’d like a suite for the evening, please. Preferably one with a view.
    Clerk: Are you joking? This is a psychiatric hospital!
    Lucifer: Apologies, I’m skipping ahead. Uh, I am the one and only Lucifer Morningstar.... The Devil. Dark Lord? Oh, for goodness sake, Beelzebub!... Look, I clearly need to be committed right away.

& Lucifer: You are a... patronizing, sinister, helicopter parent!
    God Johnson: So you think you have no free will.
    Lucifer: Every bad thing that’s happened throughout eternity is your doing, not mine! It’s all part of «God’s Plan.»

& God Johnson: I still remember the first moment we met. Mmm. There was nothing, just darkness and... then she appeared.... It did not take long for us to light up the universe.

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& Lucifer: Uh, Linda, Dad. Dad, Linda.
    God Johnson: ... A handshake’ll do, my beautiful child.

& Chloe: Oh, an orgy? Definitely off the table.

& Linda: Explain to me what’s going on, please.
    Lucifer: I’m trying to recreate their first date.
    Linda: You’re... what? Wait. You’re trying to Parent Trap God and the Divine Goddess?
    Lucifer: What? It worked in the movie!

& Lucifer: Oh, trust me, Doctor, after a brief re-honeymoon period, they’ll start torturing each other like they always do. Mum and Dad together are their own worst punishment. It’s genius!

& Charlotte: Do I know you?
    God Johnson: Only since the beginning of time.

& Charlotte: I guess humanity isn’t entirely awful. They did make vodka... Roller coasters... Triple crème Brie...
    God Johnson: You hear about dancing?

& N.K.: ...now I got it. God is gonna kill Lucifer, then hang himself... Kind of poetic, don’t you think?

& God Johnson: ... But to want to destroy me? That’s pretty serious. You mind telling me why?
    Lucifer: Because... because I’m your son.

& Lucifer: No, I’m not angry. I’m bloody furious.

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