All Things Being Equal

Modern Family 8×20

& Jay: I like his energy. He doesn’t have any.

& Phil: I want you to know that I hear you and will address this post-haste. Now, if we could move on to some unfinished business from the last meeting, um... «My feelings are still hurt from you telling me all the places you want me to put the coin.»

& Barb: He’s just so good with baby Calhoun. I ought to call you «Uncle Secret Touch».
    Mitchell: That seems like a «500 feet away from a playground» kind of nickname.

---

& Barb: You know, you try to hide it, but you are a sensitive soul... «Uncle Sneaky Feeler».
    Mitchell: Yeah, before we go wide with that, let’s, um... not.

& Mitchell: I don’t know what happened. Y-You both have the same lips and... and you kiss the same and...
    Cameron: We did learn to kiss on the same hedge post.
    Mitchell: Ew.

--
On the IMDb