Wilfred 1x3

Fear

“Fear has its use but cowardice has none.”
Mahatma Gandi

& Ryan: I’m just being paranoid, right?
    Wilfred: Well, these buds are called Purple Thunder Paranoia, but no, you’re not being paranoid.

& Wilfred: Up for a stroll, mate?
    Ryan: Oh. It’s for you. Open it.
    Wilfred: You don’t have to say, “Open it,” okay, Ryan? I know to open it.

& Ryan: What would you suggest I do?
    Wilfred: March over there, look him straight in the eye, and say, “I’m the man who shat in your boot.” And then you stab him in the ass.
    Ryan: You want me to have sex with him?
    Wilfred: It’s called domination. That’s how dogs handle it, and believe me, it’s very effective.
    Ryan: And have you done this with another dog?
    Wilfred: Every goddamn day.
    Ryan: I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would do something like that.
    Wilfred: Well then, you have no imagination.

& Wilfred: Ryan, there’s something I need to tell you. Mate, the thing is, he knows.
    Ryan: How is that possible?
    Wilfred: Because after we broke into his house, I think I may have left your wallet under the window.
    Ryan: What?!
    Wilfred: Actually, wait. No, no. I definitely did dthat.

& Ryan: Why the hell would you leave my wallet outside his window?
    Wilfred: I don’t know, Ryan. Why is the sky grey? Why is the grass grey? Why is a rainbow grey, grey, grey, grey, grey and infra-grey? Now open the door, pull down his pants and tear that ass up.

& Wilfred: Sometimes when I look at you, I can almost see a giant tampon string hanging out of you. Ryan, you can’t run away from your problems.
    Ryan: I’ll take care of this my way, the way that did not get my ass kicked.

& Spencer: Hey, now that I think you’re cool, and you think I’m cool, I was thinking we can hang out.
    Ryan: Oh. Hmm...
    Spencer: You like porn? God, listen to me! What am I, some kind of idiot? Who doesn’t like porn?

& Wilfred: Okay, lunch-wise, I’m thinking a thinly-sliced porterhouse on a...
    Ryan: I’m not making you lunch, Wilfred!
    Wilfred: It’s like you’re torturing me for fun. Why? I’m giving you a gift, and it pains me to watch you squander* it.
    Ryan: A gift?! What you’re giving me is a sociopathic, porn-crazed pain in the ass.

---

& Ryan: You know what? Let’s go to the titty bar.
    Spencer: Great! First round jerk-jobs on me!

& Ryan: Are you sure it’s okay to have my dog here?
    Spencer: Hey anything goes at Club “Midea”.
    Ryan: I think it’s pronounced, “Medea.”
    Spencer: Your new nickname! “The Professor.”

& Ryan: Listen, Spencer, there’s something I need to tell you.
    Spencer: You can tell me anything, Ryan. And I want you to be completely honest with me. My last buddy... Jesse... he was a liar and a thief. And that’s why I punched him in the throat and rip off his ear! Now, what’d you want to tell me?
    Ryan: I was just gonna say, um... th-that stripper has weird breasts.

& Spencer: You... watched any porn lately?
    Jessy: I have a government job... all I do is watch porn.
    Spencer: Oh, hey, Ryan, do you mind if I, um...
    Ryan: Not at all. Go porn out.

& Wilfred: I guess I’d screw Toto, marry Lassie and kill Marmaduke. Your turn.
    Ryan: Oh, no thanks. Dogs aren’t really my thing.
    Wilfred: Answer the question Ryan.
    Ryan: Uh... all right. I guess I’d screw Anne Hathaway.
    Wilfred: No, no, she’s not on the list. Go pick someone on the list.
    Ryan: These are all dogs. ... Ok. Lassie.
    Wilfred: You can’t screw Lassie. She’s my wife! Now pick someone of the list!
    Ryan: The only other name on here is Scrappy-Doo.
    Wilfred: That’s sick, Ryan. He’s only ten months old. What, you... you into kiddies? Is that your thing?
    Ryan: I didn’t have any other choice!
    Wilfred: You could have taken a pass.

-- Dict:
squander — разбазаривать; расточать; проматывать; ухлопывать

On Imdb.