Psychoville 2x5

& David: Do you remember when I was a little boy and we went on that caravan holiday in Whitley Bay? ... And I asked you what was the one thing you’d like to do before you died.
    Maureen: Yeah, and I said wine tasting in France.
    David: No, you didn’t.
    Maureen: I did. I still do — I’d love to do that.
    David: Oh. I’ve completely misremembered it, then.
    Maureen: What did you think I said?
    David: Zorbing.
    Maureen: Whoa!
    David: Keep your knees together — I can see between your legs!

& Nurse Kenchington: Put that down and get out!
    Librarian: Yes, Nurse Kenchington.
    Nurse Kenchington: You didn’t masturbate in my tea, did you?
    Librarian: No. No, I didn’t.
    Nurse Kenchington: Good. Because Patient Wilkinson did, and we soon put a stop to that.

& Tealeaf: We saw you on telly last night.
    Bishop: Ah, what about that poor woman? I know, was it three different men or one man three times?

& Chris: Where’s Shahrouz?
    Hattie: Erm, you mean my husband?
    Chris: I mean my boyfriend, where is he?!

& Mrs. Wren: Is it ice cream?
    Mr. Jelly: No, it’s a kidney!
    Mrs. Wren: That’s a funny flavour. Mind you, they have cookie dough now.

---

& David: How long do you think she’s got?
    Maureen’s Doctor: Well, let me put it this way, you know when you go food shopping at, um...
    David: Nettos?
    Doctor: Thought so. And you know on the food has two dates — ’Sell By’ and ’Use By’. Well, your mum has gone way past Sell By and is now curling at the edges, behind an onion in the salad drawer.
    David: So you’re saying I shouldn’t eat her, then?
    Doctor: No. Well, you shouldn’t eat her, but I’m saying... What am I saying? I’m saying you might like to take her home and make her comfortable tonight. She won’t need to set the alarm for the morning.
    David: Oh... Thank you.

& Tealeaf: But what’s this got to do with the locket?
    Bishop: Everything.

& Maureen: I’m so proud of you, David. You need to know that. You’ve never left me, have you?
    David: Only to go to the toilet.
    Maureen: Yeah, but, even then, I was watching you... You never knew that, did you?

& Maureen: Good job I’m not religious or I’d be shitting myself now. Was it wrong to kill all those people?.. Didn’t seem wrong.

& Tealeaf: They reckon in the future they’ll be able to bring them back to life. But who’d want to bring back a dead Nazi?
    Bishop: Oh, you’d be surprised. Heil Hitler. Schwartze.


On Imdb.