Psychoville 2x1

& Mr. Jelly: I ordered Mr. Jolly, J-O-L-L-Y. You’ve sent me Jelly, J-E-L-L-Y... No, I’m Mr. Jelly, I’m not dead, I’m alive!

& Grace Andrews: Y something B, sweet potato?
    Kelvin: Sorry, ma’am?
    Grace: 15 across, Y something B, sweet potato.
    Kelvin: Ah, That’ll be a yam, ma’am.
    Grace: Yam?
    Kelvin: Yes, ma’am.
    Grace: Y-A-M?
    Kelvin: Yes, ma’am.
    Grace: So “agricultural term” isn’t “arable”. Shit!

& Grace: Well, I don’t like all this.
    Kelvin: Sorry, ma’am?
    Grace: All these bits of paper everywhere. I want to be like Judi Dench, doing this with things on a screen... We can do that, can’t we?
    Kelvin: We... can certainly look into it for you, ma’am. Yes.
    Grace: Good, because this is all too random. I want to feel like I’m in Minority Report, not a village post office.

& Tealeaf: Yeah, we had to get the train cos I’m not allowed to drive yet, isn’t that right, Mr. Lomax?
    Mr. Lomax: Eh?
    Tealeaf: I said I’m not allowed to drive.
    Mr. Lomax: Quarter past five, already? Thought I was a bit peckish**.

---

& Mr. Jelly: It was ridiculous. Jolly did his big speech about revenge for someone killing his mother, then out of nowhere she bursts in, babbling on about a locket or summat!
    Tealeaf: He didn’t even know she was alive!
    Mr. Jelly: We said this, didn’t we? Why did she wait two years to come back and tell him she wasn’t dead? I’m sorry, it was a pathetic ending.
    Mr. Lomax: Keep your voice down, Jelly! Apparently that pig’s been sniffing round again!
    Tealeaf: He’s already here, Mr. Lomax!
    Mr. Lomax: Eh?
    Tealeaf: The pig... He’s here.
    Mr. Lomax: Oh. Well, we don’t know anything about anything.

& Detective Finney: You said she was babbling about what, a locket?
    Mr. Jelly: Yeah.
    Tealeaf: No!
    Mr. Jelly: No. Just... What?
    Tealeaf: Her... pocket. She was going on about a clown’s pocket. It’s slang for big vagina.
    Mr. Jelly: Yeah. Like a wizard’s sleeve*.
    Mr. Lomax: A yawning donkey.

& Chuckles: Jelly, isn’t it?
    Mr. Jelly: No, I think it’s a trifle.
    Chuckles: No, I mean your clown name. Mr. Jelly.

& Dr. Flint: There is, however, some not-so-good news. When we performed the gastric irrigation and X-ray, we found something rather disturbing in your mother’s stomach.
    David: Not like Marc Almond?
    Dr. Flint: No, no, that’s just myth. Two pints, apparently, and some of it was equine*... No, what we found was a shadow on her pancreas which after further testing appears to be a malignant tumour.
    David: But she doesn’t like tuna.
    Dr. Flint: No, tumour. A cancer. Non-operable, I’m afraid.
    David: Oh... What does that mean?
    Dr. Flint: Well... you’re going to save money on Christmas presents.

& Chris: His name’s Shahrouz and he’s Iranian...
    Mother: Oh, my God!
    Chris: He’s a very gifted pianist and he came over here to study at the Guildhall.
    Mother: Oh, chucky butty! I am so happy for you.
    Chris: There’s a bit of a problem. He’s on a three-year student visa and it runs out next month. If we can’t get him a new one, that’s it. He’ll be deported. {...}
    Mother: I mean, you know me, Chris, I’m broad-minded. When I did the cruise ships, I shared a cabin with a lesbian fire-eater whose breath stank, by the way. Don’t ask me what of, cos I don’t know and I never asked. ... Shahrouz! Oh, Chris, he’s gorgeous!
    Chris: Yeah, he is. Will you marry him for me?

& Detective Finney: Thanks for your help, Jennifer. Don’t tell anyone I was here, will you?


-- Dict:
peckish — голодный; раздражительный
sleeve — рукав
equine — конский


On Imdb.