The Worldwide Privacy Tour

South Park 26×2

Kyle Broflovski Ike... Ike, come on, dude, you can't keep doing this.
Ike Broflovski She is dead. She's dead. She's dead, Kyle.
Kyle Broflovski Ike, the Queen died like four months ago. You gotta let it go.

Funeral Commentator: Y... Yes, it looks like the Prince and his new wife have just shown up. The Prince and his wife have, of course, been bashing the Canadian monarchy. A lot of Canadians hate them now.

— We want privacy! We want privacy! We want privacy! We want privacy!
Prince of Canada: Thanks for having us on the show.
Princess of Canada: It's so awesome to be here. It's great.

Canadian Talk Show Host: So let me start with you, sir. You lived a life with the royal family, you had everything handed to you but you say your life has been hard, and you've written all aboot it in your new book, "Waaagh."
Prince of Canada: Yes that's right, fwiend.

Princess of Canada: We just want to be normal people. All this attention is so hard.
Canadian Talk Show Host: Isn't it true, sir, that your questionable wife has her own TV show and hangs out with celebrities and does fashion magazines?
Prince of Canada: What are you suggesting?
Canadian Talk Show Host: Well, I just think some people might say that your Instagram-loving bitch wife actually doesn't want her privacy.
Prince of Canada: How dare you, sir! My Instagram-loving bitch wife has always wanted her privacy! And you know what else? To hell with Canada.

Prince of Canada: We are leaving. We'll go find some quiet place where we can be normal people. Come on, wife. We want privacy!
— We want privacy! We want privacy!

Mr. Davis: Alright there, Kyle, we got your survey answers, and I think we've put together some great ideas for your brand. I understand you want people to like you more and think you're cool. Is that right?
Kyle Broflovski Yeah.
Mr. Davis: Alright, well, let's see how this brand works for you. We got... Kyle... Rugged. Vegan. Compassionate. Victim.
Kyle Broflovski I... I don't think that's really me.
Mr. Davis: Well, that's fine 'cause there's a lot of different brands people are attracted to. How about this one? Kyle... Sensitive. Outdoorsy. Frugal. Victim.
Kyle Broflovski I'm not... I'm not that outdoorsy.
Mr. Davis: Okay, well, remember there, Kyle, it's not so much about who you are as much as it is about what people are attracted to, okay? So let's see, how about this? Kyle... Wealthy. Handsome. Multi-talented Grammy Award-Winning. Victim. Oh, that... that one's taken already. Sorry. Hold on...

Butters Stotch: You'll see, Kyle. When you have your brand up and runnin', no one can stop you.

Princess of Canada: Look at this town... There's just something about it. Oh, darling. I think this might be the place.
Prince of Canada: You really think so?
Princess of Canada: It's so quiet and empty here. If we moved here, then people would think we're really serious about wanting to be normal.

Prince of Canada: Hey! Hey, you! Hey, what are you looking at?! You ever heard of privacy?!
Kyle Broflovski What?

Kyle Broflovski I just want you guys to know that I am a reliable, fun-loving, punctual victim.
Stan Marsh: 'Kay, well, we gotta get to class.

Officer Johnston: Park County Police Station. What's your emergency?
Kyle Broflovski Yeah, the neighbors across the street are setting off fireworks and it's 10:30 at night!
Officer Johnston: Oh, is it the Prince of Canada and his wife, who just want to be left alone?

Prince of Canada: We are here because privacy is a basic human right. How many more princes and his wives have to live in this nightmare?
Kyle Broflovski Hey, can you two [BLEEP] keep it down?! Oy!
Prince of Canada: You ever heard of a thing called "privacy"?!
Kyle Broflovski Yeah, nobody gives a shit. Will you two just shut up, and go away?!

Kyle Broflovski It seriously is driving me crazy! The prince plays drums all day. I don't think he even has a job. And I don't know what the hell she does. Why they even left Canada is beyond me. And, like, she seems to just boss him around, and make him do whatever she wants. I mean, why did they even leave Canada and move to South Park, anyway? ...
Stan Marsh: Look, Kyle... We just kinda don't care about some dumb prince and his stupid wife.
Kyle Broflovski I don't care about them either!
Jimmy Valmer So, then why do you talk about them all the time?
Kyle Broflovski ......

Stan Marsh: Dude, we're just kind of sick of hearing about them.
Kyle Broflovski I'm sick of hearing about them! But I can't get away from them! They're everywhere! In my [BLEEP] face!
Tolkien Black Yeah, and now you're putting 'em in our [BLEEP] face.

Mr. Davis: The problem with you is you want results without the work. You can't just say you're a certain thing, and then expect people to just like your brand. You gotta work it, sell people on it.
Kyle Broflovski But I just don't feel like my brand is who I really am on the inside.
Mr. Davis: You know, Kyle, some people think it's what's inside you that matters. But people can't see inside you. They can only see what kind of drink you're drinking. That's what matters.

Mr. Davis: I think we got it. People are gonna love this. Kyle... he's a thick-skinned, super cool, nothing bothers him... Victim.

Kyle Broflovski ..... I don't care. Don't care.
Princess of Canada: What the hell?
Prince of Canada: What'd he just say?
Princess of Canada: He victimized me! It's because I'm an ethnic woman!
Prince of Canada: He can't do that! I'll see... Wait, you're ethnic? This is an outrage!

Mr. Davis: I do see you're in our database, but you didn't first get help at this CumHammer location?
Prince of Canada: No. My wife went to one in California as a child.
Mr. Davis: Ah. Okay. Then you must be in the national system... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Is this you? "Sorority girl, Actress, Influencer, Victim."
Princess of Canada: Yeah. That's totally me.
Mr. Davis: And then, you added your husband to your Friends and Family account. You must be the "Royal prince, millionaire, world traveler, victim."
Prince of Canada: That's right.

Kyle Broflovski Look, we all have our faults. God knows I do. But if we just try to present and control an image of us for people to see, then, we're just performers instead of human beings.
Prince of Canada: He's right. Trying to make ourselves into a brand just turned us into products. We don't need to be a brand, do we?... If it's truly what we want, then we really can get away from it all. No more magazines and Netflix shows. We really can live a normal life. Yes, I'm sure you agree, darling... We can be the people we talked about being, with no more worries about how we look or the image we project to people. What matters is what we have on the inside... Hello?......

Funeral Commentator: The queen is dead. What a sad day for Canada... and therefore, the world.

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