¡Diablo!

Lucifer 5×3

Lucifer: Burnt coffee and body odor never smelled so good. Hm...

Lucifer: Hello, Detective.
Chloe: No. No. Get the hell out of here!

Lucifer: But, Detective, you're the only reason I'm here.
Chloe: Apparently you're the only reason I'm here. So I'm going to do my job that I chose.

Chloe: Lucifer and I had, um, sort of a difficult conversation. I... I might have told him to go to Hell.
Ella: Oh, yeah, relationship drama. .... [But] trust me. If the worst thing you said to him was "Go to Hell"... you're totally okay.
Chloe: Well, you'd think that, but...

Chloe: If God made me for you, He probably would want me to feel that way. So I just... I need a little time to absorb all of it.
Lucifer: Right. Well, in the meantime, why don't we absorb whilst we work? I may as well help solve this murder for you whilst I'm up here fixing things.

Lieutenant Diablo: Let me tell you something. I've been doing this job for seven episodes now, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's why people kill.
Lucifer: Oh?
Lieutenant Diablo: It's 'cause they yearn for something. You want to find the killer, figure out their yearning.
Chloe: Right.
Lucifer: Isn't there a better word for that?
Lieutenant Diablo: No.

Chloe: There could be other motives to kill him...
Lieutenant Diablo: Oh-oh! Sounds like we have a Dancer answer.
Lucifer: What?
Detective Dancer: See, Diablo comes up with the wild theories and crazy hijinks, and Dancer's the fun police. "That's not procedure, Diablo."
Chloe: Mm. I get it...

Lucifer: I've got to go.
Chloe: To Hell?

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Chloe: In my experience, the innocent don't normally expect to be questioned by the police.
Keri Belwood: I've written 100 episodes of TV murder mysteries and I got the carpal tunnel to prove it. Motive, opportunity... It adds up.

Keri Belwood: Matt was the worst kind of boss: Lazy and a control freak.
Chloe: I can see why he'd be hard to deal with...
Keri Belwood: No, not really. He never even came into the writers' room. I'd usually send him a script overnight, and by the morning, it'd be completely changed.

Lucifer: Would you rather that I was Michael?
Mazikeen: Either. He left me in the closet, but you... You went to Hell without me. You left me!

Lucifer: Good news. ... I figured out how to fix things between us.
Chloe: Oh, how's that?
Lucifer: Well, you're going to tell me what to do.

Lucifer: Detective Douche, if you want to see something really scary, wait until you see what your new all-soy diet is doing to your bone density.

Lucifer: Actually, maybe you can help me... This cosmic impotence, the knowledge that you're the plaything of a cruel, uncaring God, the suffocating feeling that everything you've ever accomplished is meaningless... You're the perfect person to ask about these things.

Lucifer: Do you know, of all the ways you humans try to control your lives, these silly New Age superstitions are by far the most embarrassing.

Lucifer: Oh, Diablo, is there anything you can't do?

Chloe: So how do you do it?.. I mean, the way they write your character. I mean, she only exists to serve Diablo. So what's the secret to getting up every day knowing everything you do and say is only servicing another person?
Detective Dancer: Do you think there's a secret? It's literally hell on Earth.

Detective Dancer: I am not spending the next six seasons with my main prop as a stripper pole!

Michael: So... how do you like the mess I made, Samael?

Chloe: Lucifer. You okay? You look like hell.
Lucifer: Appropriate.

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