House M.D. 5x22

House Divided

Season 5, Episode 22

* Taub: Need some coffee?
   House: Addictive substances are no substitute for nature's healing balm. [swallows vicodine]


* House: Let's make this fast. I need to sleep.
   Thirteen: Deaf 14-year-old started hearing imaginary explosions.
   House: Exploding head syndrome. Cool.



* Foreman: So you're okay with House getting Chase smashed enough to make a stupid mistake?
   Thirteen: Being drunk doesn't change who you are. It just reveals it.


* House: You are going to commit to that one special woman forever, which is beautiful. But if your commitment the day after the wedding is the same as your commitment the day before, then the wedding meant nothing. So, and I see no logical way around this, if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
   Chase: You're evil.
   House: See ya.


* Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
   House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.
   Wilson: I'm not going.
   House: Okay.


* House: Huh. I figured by now you'd be at the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.
   Foreman: Yeah, you did something stupid. So, quick, better mock someone.
   Thirteen: Why did you do it?
   House: Why did I give a human being the power of hearing? You ask God the same question, he'll give you the same answer.

---

* House: Why aren't you in my office?
   Wilson: Because I know what the word "my" means.
   House: I did something insane, and you're not all over me analyzing why.
   Wilson: It was nice.
   House: I gave that idiot an implant to prove to him what an idiot he's been. How is that nice?
   Wilson: You didn't do it to solve the case. You didn't do it to save his life. You... did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was... immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.


* House: Now eat up. We're gonna pick out the ice cream flavors for the bachelor party.
   Taub: Could be systemic autoimmune disease. Sarcoido... This tastes like... Vodka.
   House: Well, it'd be stupid if it tasted like bourbon. That's the brown one.
   Thirteen: Is it vodka?
   House: Flash frozen in a secret process. Guy figured it out in his basement. Lemoncello. Genius.


* Chase: Cameron is not gonna be happy about this party.
   House: But you, on the other hand...
   Chase: Plan on spending the rest of my life with Cameron.
   House: So... I need to cancel the fart band?
   Chase: So... I need you to kidnap me.
   House: Spoken like a true Aussie. By the way, if you know where I can get me the sheet music to Waltzing Matilda... Hey... want some ice cream? We're having a sundae bar.
   Chase: Sweet.


* House: We need to stress him. Put the patient on a treadmill.
   Foreman: The patient just had brain surgery. A stress test could cause a brain bleed and kill him.
   House: I value your opinion. I value rejecting your opinion.


* House: How do we get him into the stress lab without Foreman's sign-off?
   "Amber": We could kill Foreman.
   House: The lab simulates stress. What if it's not simulated?
   "Amber": We could tell him his girlfriend dumped him.
   House: That's a tough sell. She never leaves the room for more than five minutes.
   "Amber": We could kill her.


* Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
   House: The correct phrasing would be, "I should always listen to you."


* Wilson: House!
   House: I knew you couldn't stay away.
   Wilson: This is my apartment. You can't do this.
   House: Clearly, reality begs to differ.


* "Amber": You should be out there... enjoying the lap dances of your labors.
   House (sitting in the bath-tub): Eh, I kind of like it in here.
   "Amber": Me too. To us figuring out M.S.
   House: And the blindness and neuropathy and arrhythmia and anything else we did. [drinks] What exactly did my team do?
   "Amber": Look good in their lab coats. Except for Taub. Some people just work better alone... so to speak.


* Foreman: House, you in there?
   House: Use the other bathroom. It's in the kitchen. Looks like a sink.
   Foreman: Chase went into anaphylactic shock from the stripper's body butter or something.
   House: Is he okay?
   Foreman: One of the residents had an epiphen, so he's fine. We're taking him to the hospital to be safe.
   House: Okay.



* House: I knew that Chase was allergic to strawberries, didn't I? That's why you wanted Kara'mel at this party?
   "Amber": I suggested Kara'mel 'cause she was great at Wilson's party.
   House: I knew about her body butter and about his strawberry allergy... I tried to kill Chase! Why would I do that? I don't want Cameron.
   "Amber": You're not a big fan of other people's happiness, either.


* House: I need sleeping pills. I was gonna hit up Wilson, but he's not answering his phone.
   Cuddy: He must have left it in his pants. Which he wasn't wearing when the police found him trying to walk home... oddly, from his own apartment.


* "Amber" 2 House: Sleep well?



--- Dictionary:
smashed — вдрызг пьяный
wanton — распутница
trolling — распевать, напевать
muck — грязь; дрянь, мерзость
jodhpurs — джодпуры, бриджи для верховой езды
Aussie — австралиец
sundae — пломбир с сиропом, орехами, фруктами и т. п.


+ Еще quotes на Imdb.


-/ Эпизод "А я сошла с ума". Только не "сошла", а "сошел". И снова жаль, что
доброхоты сообщили, чем всё закончится продолжится.

!! Отпадный мальчишник. Хохотал до слёз.