House M.D. 5x18

Here Kitty

Season 5, Episode 18

* Cuddy: You have a patient waiting. See?
   House: I'm waiting for a follow-up.
   Cuddy: If you're talking about Mr. Casdin, he has a "deceased" sticker on his file, as do all the other follow-ups you have scheduled for today.
   House: Whoops.



* House: Dr. Cuddy, I need a consult. Until she [the patient] stops seizing, I may as well go back to my office and get my diagnosis on.
   Cuddy: She's urinating on herself.
   House: She's having a seizure. If she hadn't peed...
   Cuddy: It's green.
   House: Interesting.


* Kutner: Neurological symptoms and "P"? Oh, green pee. I get it.
   House: Nice.
   Thirteen: "Neuro" is also written in green.
   Kutner: Does that mean she has green neurological symptoms as well?
   House: From now on, I'm gonna use two colors. Green indicates irony.


* Patient: Please forgive me. I'm so sorry.
   House: What are you worried about? Maybe a night in jail for fraud. But I have to go tell one of my employees he was right!
   Patient: I'm not a Munchausen. I'm gonna die unless you help me.
   House: You'll have to come up with something more original.
   Patient: A cat predicted my death.
   House: Cats make terrible doctors.


* House 2 Patient: If you're gonna kill me and rape me, please do it in that order.

---

* Patient (on TV): When Debbie climbs on a patient's bed and goes to sleep, we call the loved ones and tell them to come in.
   Cuddy: You want to treat her? She's a nutjob.
   House: Don't we all have quirks? Aren't those eccentricities what make us human?
   Patient (on TV): It's like Debbie's here on earth to bring people to the other side.
   Cuddy: .....
   House: Nutjobs get sick too.
   Cuddy: So you think this cat story is nonsense. And you admit she faked her earlier symptoms. But you still think she's actually sick now?
   House: Well, anything would sound ridiculous If you said it in that voice.


* Kutner: Why are we in the coma patients' room?
   Thirteen: You actually think the cat is going to predict someone's death?
   House: No, I know the cat the not going to predict anyone's death. Then I will have scientifically disproved...
   Kutner: You didn't keep this patient despite the cat. You kept this patient because of the cat. You're scared there's something to it.
   House: If I could prove the non-existence of an omniscient God who lovingly guides us to the other side, I would. Cat version's gonna have to do.


* Wilson: You trying to prove to her she's not dying?
   House: That would be dumb, as she might be dying.
   Wilson: This woman lost her kid. Why are you attacking beliefs that give her a little bit of comfort?
   House: I don't care if her superstitions make her feel better. I just want her to think more clearly.
   Wilson: Oh, maybe that could make her as happy as you are.


* Wilson: I've gotta stop telling you my theories. You always just try to prove me wrong.
   House: You mean the theory about Cuddy's ass getting bigger at the full moon? I confirmed that one. Photo's on my blog.


* Chase: I really believe that there are things that science can't understand, that there is a role for faith and prayer, but it's in the waiting room, not the O.R.
   Patient: There's a reason I got sick. There's a reason for all the bad things that have happened to me. I don't know what that reason is, but I know that if there isn't one, if there's no greater purpose in the world, then it's not a world I want to live in.
   Chase: I'll schedule an operating room.


* House: Early.
   Taub: I'm not staying long. I'm quitting.
   House: You got a new job?
   Taub: No.
   House: Well, then you're not quitting. See you back here tomorrow.
   Taub: You're not accepting my resignation?
   House: Easier this way. It voids the whole thing where you panic, run back and grovel, and I punish you and then take you back.
   Taub: Bye.
   House: Bring donuts.


* House Wilson: I was right. And more satisfyingly, you were wrong. It was a coincidence. The cat was not predicting deaths. It was just trying to keep warm.


* Patient: Thank you.
   House: I wouldn't come here for thanks. That would be ungracious. It's more about gloating. You were about to cut out a piece of your brain just to chase some crazy superstition.
   Patient: But I didn't.
   House: You "didn't" didn't do anything. I stopped it.
   Patient: And what made you do that?
   House: Science, logic, reason. Pick any three.
   Patient: A cat chooses that exact moment to sit on your computer. Maybe that's science and logic and reason or maybe it's something else.
   House: You're an idiot.
   Patient: I looked up the preacher from New York state. His followers never faded out. They became the Seventh-Day Adventists, a major religion. That man changed the course of history.
   House: Because his followers were as deluded as he was.
   Patient: Maybe he just gave them something to live for...
   House: Feel better.





--- Dictionary:
the deceased — покойный, умерший, покойник
quirk — причуда, выверт
Omniscient God — всеведущий Бог
grovel — низкопоклонство, подхалимаж; пресмыкаться, унижаться
gloating — злорадный



+ Еще quotes на Imdb.


( Жутко смотрится \катнер\, когда знаешь "будущее". :(