Risk Management

Elementary 1×22

& Moriarty: I expect you to feel angry because I manipulated you. Rather easily, I might add. Chin up, Holmes. Manipulation is my business.
    Sherlock: Seems more like murder is your business.
    Moriarty: A part of it.
    Sherlock: Explain.
    Moriarty: Consider me a spider. I sit motionless at the center of my web. That web has a thousand radiatis, and I know well every quiver of each of them. I do little myself, I only plan. But my agents are numerous and splendidly organized. If there is a crime to be done, a paper to be abstracted, a house to be rifled, a man to be removed, the word is passed to me, the matter is planned and carried out.
    Sherlock: So, you’re a pimp, and assassins are your girls.
    Moriarty: Yes, I suppose that’s one way of putting it.

& Moriarty: Bring killer to justice, and I promise I’ll give you all the answers you can handle.

& Sherlock: It couldn’t be clearer... he doesn’t want me dead.
    Watson: Then what does he want?
    Sherlock: That’s precisely what I intend to find out.

& Watson: What was she like? Irene, you-you talk about what happened to her, but you never talk about who she was.
    Sherlock: She was difficult to explain. And I mean that as a compliment.

---

& Watson: Let me guess: the client who hired Sutter Risk Management to investigate Wallace Rourke is our new suspect in his murder. Now all we have to do is figure out his name.
    Sherlock: Already have. First name “Made”" second name “Up”"

& Captain Gregson: There’s something you got to try to understand. Guys like him, they walk between the raindrops. They don’t get wet. People like you do.
    Watson: So you’re concerned about my safety.
    Captain Gregson: In case you haven’t noticed, a lot of bodies been dropping around our boy of late.
    Watson: You’re in the danger zone, also.
    Captain Gregson: I’ve been a cop for 30 years. I carry a gun.
Watson: And a penis.

& Sherlock: Oh, good, you’re awake.
    Watson: Oh... how long was I out?
    Sherlock: 107 minutes. Precisely enough time to cycle through all five stages of REM and non-REM sleep, leaving your mind clear for the day’s labor.

& Sherlock: As I mentioned earlier, he clearly doesn’t want to kill me, so, no, I’m not afraid.
    Watson: Well, there are ways to hurt you that do not involve hurting... you.

& Sherlock: You cannot do the work without undertaking those risks. But know this: as far as Moriarty is concerned, I will never allow any harm to come to you. Not ever.
    Watson: You can’t promise that.
    Sherlock: And yet, I have.

& Moriarty: My point. We can end this now. I can promise you our paths will never cross again. Or... you may have your answers. I’m curious to see which you choose.

--
On the IMDb

Pilot

Arrested Development 1×1

& Lucille: Look what they’ve done, Michael. Look what the homosexuals have done to me.
    Michael: You can’t just comb that out and reset it?

& G.O.B.: Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money... Or cocaine.

& Michael: What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?
    George Michael: Breakfast.
    Michael: Family.
    George Michael: Family. Right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

---

& Maeby: I don’t understand why you work every weekend. Aren’t you, like, my age?
    George Michael: Well, it’s important to be responsible. I think there aren’t enough young people out there today who have a real work ethic.
    Maeby: What do you mean?
    George Michael: ... I don’t know.

& George Michael: I knew it was against the law!

& Tobias: What an adventure, gang! I thought that the homosexuals were pirates... but it turns out that most of them were actors in the local theater.

& Michael: So, no hard feelings. Adios. Sayonara. I’ll see you when the first parent dies.
    Lucille: Well, I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.
    Tobias: Touché. Touché.

& Michael: I quit.
    George Sr.: Probably a good career move.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Нил Стивенсон — Анафем (2/4)

Начало

&  – Знаешь, как отличить настоящего демагога?
     – Не знаю. Ну?
     – Ты ничего не замечаешь, пока кто-нибудь, старший и мудрый, не скажет: да это демагог. И тогда тебе хочется провалиться сквозь землю.

&  В теорике всегда так. Не только лориты говорят: «Результат не нов». Кто-то всё время заново изобретает колесо. Ничего стыдного в этом нет. Если бы все из жалости к изобретателю ахали и восклицали: «Надо же, колесо, никто прежде до такого не додумался!» – ничего бы хорошего не вышло. И всё равно обидно, когда слышишь, что работал зазря.

&  Я не понимал, куда ушло время.
     Туда же, куда уходило в предыдущие тысячелетия. Я провёл его за работой.

&  И тут он применил гипотрохийную трансквестиацию: сменил тему – неявно подразумевая, что обсуждение закрыто: он выиграл, а я проиграл…
     Правильный ответ на гипотрохийную трансквестиацию: «Эй, погоди! Мы ещё не договорили!».

&  – Ты слышал про ускорители?
     – Конечно. Установки эпохи Праксиса. Гигантские и дорогущие. На них проверяли теории об элементарных частицах и силах.
     – Да, – сказал Арсибальт. – То, что нельзя проверить, не теорика, а метатеорика. Область философии. Границу между теорикой и философией определяет наше экспериментальное оборудование.
     – Хм. Держу пари, философ бы тебе за такие слова в глотку вцепился. У тебя получается, что философия – просто плохая теорика.
     – Некоторые так и считают. Но они говорят не о философии, как определили бы её философы, а о том, что делают теоры, когда заканчиваются возможности их оборудования.

---

&  – Мне всегда казалось, что количество денег не ограничено.
     – Может быть, но почти все они идут на порнографию, сладкую воду и войну. На ускорители остаётся самая малость.

&  – Я чувствую себя идиотом, вспоминая, из-за чего тревожился и чего боялся всю жизнь, – сказал Арсибальт, глядя мне в лицо. – Теперь я понимаю, что бояться надо было другого.

&  – От топологии не уйдёшь, – сообщил он, просовывая в трусы сначала одну ногу, потом другую.

&  Если ты искренне веришь в Бога, как ты можешь сформулировать хоть одну мысль, произнести хоть одну фразу, не упоминая Его? Однако богопоклонники... могли часами говорить, не затрагивая Бога даже вскользь. Может, их Бог далеко от наших дел. Или – более вероятно – присутствие Бога настолько для них очевидно, что они не чувствует потребности об этом говорить, как я не говорю через слово, что дышу воздухом.

&  – Мы придерживаемся булкианского канона. Это не то же самое, что не верить в Бога. {...}
     Булкианское мышление – третий путь между неприемлемыми альтернативами. К тому времени уже поняли, что думаем мы мозгами. И что люди получают информацию от глаз, ушей и других органов чувств. Наивное представление состоит в том, что мозг воспринимает непосредственно реальный мир. Я вижу кнопку на твоей приборной панели, касаюсь её пальцем...
     – Не трогай! – предупредил Беллер.
     – Я вижу, что ты её видишь и думаешь о ней, из чего делаю вывод, что она и впрямь здесь, как уверяют меня глаза и пальцы, и что, думая о ней, я думаю о реальном мире.
     – Это вроде как очевидно, – заметил Беллер.
     Наступила неловкая пауза, которую нарушил Беллер, сказав добродушно:
     – Наверное, поэтому вы и называете это наивным.
     – Противоположная крайность – когда утверждают, будто всё, что мы думаем и знаем о мире вне нас, – иллюзия.
     Беллер довольно долго обдумывал услышанное, потом сказал:
     – Ну это уже какая-то наглость, так о себе воображать.
     – Булкианцев не устраивало ни то ни другое. И как я уже говорил, они выработали третий подход. «Когда мы думаем о мире – или практически о чём бы то ни было, – объявили они, – мы на самом деле думаем о наборе данных, поступающих в мозг от глаз, ушей и так далее». Если вернуться к нашему примеру: мне даны зрительный образ кнопки и воспоминания о том, какой она была на ощупь. Но это всё, что у меня есть. Мозг не может вступить в прямой контакт с кнопкой – у него просто нет к ней доступа. Мозг работает со зрительными и осязательными впечатлениями – данными, поступающими в наши нервы.

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The Love Spell Potential

The Big Bang Theory 6×23

& Howard: The ladies are away, the boys will play.
    Raj: Anything can happen.
    Leonard: It’s gonna get crazy.
    Sheldon: Dungeons & Dragons!

& Howard: Come on, are we gonna sit around chatting like a bunch of teenage girls, or are we gonna play D & D like a bunch of teenage boys who are never gonna have sex with those teenage girls?!

& Leonard: Relax, sometimes change is good. Uh, you were worried about Zachary Quinto being the new Spock, but you wound up liking him.
    Sheldon: Oh, please. Every time the topic of change comes up, you throw Zachary Quinto in my face! I’m upset the mailman has a new haircut: Zachary Quinto. I’m upset that daylight saving time started: Zachary Quinto. I’m upset daylight saving time ended: Zachary Quinto. I’m saying this for the last time: Zachary Quinto was a weird, wonderful, unrepeatable event. So stop using him against me!

& Raj: Oh, Lucy’s free after all. See ya.
    Leonard: Hey, hey, hey, you can’t leave. We just started.
    Raj: You’re right, I should finish the game. I take my plus-one long sword, stab myself in the face with it. I’m dead, I’ve got a date with a girl. Bye-ye-y.

& Lucy: Can I tell you something? I was so nervous about seeing you, before I left my apartment, I put roll-on antiperspirant all over my body.
    Raj: Really?
    Lucy: Yeah. If sweat starts squirting out the top of my head, you’ll know why.

& Amy: You guys enjoy your evening. I’m gonna go before I ruin anybody else’s weekend.
    Sheldon: That’s my girl.
    Leonard: No, no. Amy, wait. Uh, uh, I know it’s not the night you had in mind, but why don’t you guys stay and play with us? It’ll be fun.
    Sheldon: It would... fun?! Yeah, okay, three weeks ago, you bought crunchy peanut butter, but now you want the girls to play D & D... do you have a drug problem?

& Sheldon: I’ve just never played Dungeons & Dragons with girls before.
    Penny: Oh, don’t worry, sweetie. No one has.

& Penny: Okay, who wants a drink?
    Sheldon: Yeah, we... now, Penny, we don’t consume alcohol during Dungeons & Dragons. It impairs our judgment.
    Penny: Oh, this isn’t alcohol. It’s a magic potion that makes me like you.
    Sheldon: ........
    Leonard: Double potion, please.

---

& Howard: What do you do?
    Leonard: I draw my broadsword.
    Sheldon: I ready my quarter-staff.
    Penny: I drink my potion.

& Penny: All right, what do I need?
    Howard: Uh, 15 or higher.
    Penny: 15’s the point, the point is 15. Give the little lady some room, here it is, coming out... Sixteen! Yes! Oh, please tell me we’re playing for money.
    Sheldon: Oh, even better than money... You gained experience points.
    Penny: .... More potion, please.

& Lucy: Hey, Raj. Funny story.

& Penny: Take him out! Pretend he’s that TSA agent. Come on.
    Amy: .... Nineteen! Yes! This is turning out to be even better than Vegas!
    Penny: No, it’s not!

& Bernadette: This may be the potion talking, but... you are one fine-ass dungeon master.
    Howard: Oh, yeah? Well, when we get home, I’m gonna take you on a whole different adventure.
    Sheldon: Another quest by Wolowitz? Count me in!
    Amy: Sheldon, they’re talking about sex.
    Sheldon: Oh, then I’m out.

& Penny: Ooh! I have an idea. Since it’s not happening anytime soon, why don’t your character and your character do it in the game?
    Bernadette: Ooh! ..... Okay, I cast a love spell on Sheldon and Amy...
    Howard: The love spell takes effect. When Sheldon looks at Amy, she is the most beautiful half-orc he’s ever seen, and he’s overcome with a desire to rip her armor off and gaze fondly at her four hairy breasts. When Amy sees Sheldon, he looks... well, just like Sheldon, ’cause apparently she’s into that. What do you do?

& Sheldon: I’ve never knocked on my own door before. That was a wild ride.

& Amy: They think our relationship is a joke.
    Sheldon: Well, I don’t think our relationship is a joke. I think “a horse goes into a bar, bartender says, ’Why the long face?’” That’s a joke... It’s a good one, too, because a horse has a long face.

& Sheldon: Look at us. It’s only been three years; here we are in bed together.

& Leonard: Hey, you guys have been in there for a while. You doing okay?
    Sheldon: We’re fine, thank you.
    Penny: Okay, we just want to say, we feel really bad about...
    Amy: Go away! Sheldon is nibbling on my... 14! Yes!

--
On the IMDb

Old Wounds

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

Season 1 Episode 11

& Doctore: Every night breaks. And we must all wake.

& Lucretia: It’s done, then?
    Batiatus: No. It’s only just begun.

---

& Spartacus: I had no choice. A man must accept his fate...
    Sura: Or be destroyed by it.

& Batiatus: The gods truly favor the House of Batiatus! Spartacus risen from the dead! Spartacus! You are well?
    Spartacus: Yes, Dominus... I am myself again.

--
On the IMDb

The Love Boat

Revolution 1×16

& Miles: Bag or no bag?

& — Sir. Georgian reinforcements are here.
    Miles: What reinforcements?
    Neville: Mine.

& Neville: I... hate to see your lips move while you read, so I’ll paraphrase. I am now... a

commissioned officer of the Georgia Federation.
    Miles: You gotta be kidding me.

---

& Charlie: What are we gonna do with him?
    Miles: Get him to Georgia.
    Charlie: So president Foster can get her hands on the guy? Start making her own Anthrax?
    Miles: If it’s gonna help us stop Monroe, yes. And since when did this become a democracy? You two get in line or stay here.

& Jason: You forget I know you, dad. I get why you’re with Georgia now.
    Neville: Why is that?
    Jason: You don’t care what side you’re on... As long as they kiss your ass.
    Neville: I’m with Georgia because... you are a traitor. Your mother and I had to escape in the night like criminals. She got hypothermia, almost died because of you. You selfish, little prick. This is what we had to do to survive.

& Neville: Mazel Tov, Doc. You have been liberated by the Georgia Federation.

& Aaron: Rachel, stop it.
    Rachel: There’s something that I need to tell you.
    Aaron: Just stop! I’m not leaving you. You wouldn’t leave me.
    Rachel: I would leave you. This is more important.

& Neville: I have to say, you are... the most irritable pain in the ass I have ever known.

--
On the IMDb

Нил Стивенсон — Анафем

  “— Сжигают ли ваши соседи друг друга заживо? — так фраа Ороло начал беседу с мастером Флеком. ...

&  Эгоистично думать о себе во время актала, однако непрошеные мысли труднее всего прогнать.

&  – Догадываюсь, что надо применить весы. Если у меня нет серьезных доводов в пользу какого-либо из ответов, я должен выбрать более простой.

&  – К тому, чего не ждёшь, надо быть особенно внимательным.

&  – Умеешь ли ты читать? Именно читать, а не просто разбирать логотипы.

&  Скука – маска, в которую рядится бессилие.

&  Я был поражён, какие они умные, воспитанные и (как всегда в экстрамуросе) сколько у них вещей. Однако их образованность была страшно поверхностная: они знали кучу всего, но без настоящего понимания. И, удивительное дело, это укрепляло, а не ослабляло их уверенность в собственной правоте.

&  – Главное, чтобы ты видел и любил красоту прямо перед собой, иначе у тебя не будет защиты от уродства, подступающего со всех сторон.

---

&  – Красота пробивается, как луч сквозь облака. Твой глаз её различает, когда она касается чего-то, способного её отразить. Однако умом ты знаешь, что свет исходит не от башен и гор. Разум говорит тебе, что нечто светит из иного мира. Не слушай тех, кто говорит, будто красота в глазах смотрящего.

&  Красота есть в нашей музыке и зданиях всегда, даже если я её не вижу. Ороло нащупал нечто очень важное: видя красоту, я ощущал себя живым, и не только в том смысле, в каком вспоминаешь, что ты живой, ударив себя по пальцу молотком. Скорее я чувствовал себя частью чего-то. Что-то пронизывало меня такое, к чему я по самой своей природе принадлежу. Это разом прогоняло желание умереть и намекало, что смерть – ещё не всё. Я понимал, что до опасного близко подошёл к территории богопоклонников. Однако если люди могут быть так прекрасны, трудно удержаться от мысли, что в них живёт отблеск мира, увиденного Кноусом в разрыве туч.

&  Прехня. 1. (флук. конца эпохи Праксиса – начала Реконструкции) Всякое искажение истины, особенно намеренная ложь либо умышленное запутывание вопроса. 2. (орт.) Более технический и клинический термин, означающий речь (обычно, но не обязательно, политическую либо коммерческую), в которой используются эвфемизмы, сознательная расплывчатость, отупляющие повторы и другие риторические уловки, создающие впечатление, будто что-то и впрямь сказано. 3. ...
     Прим.: в матическом мире это слово, выкрикнутое в калькории или трапезной, вызывает в памяти события, связанные с 3-м значением, и потому крайне нежелательно. Произнесённое спокойным тоном, воспринимается во 2-м значении, давно утратившем всякие грубые коннотации. В секулюме может быть воспринято в 1-м значении и сочтено вульгарным или даже оскорбительным. По своей природе обитатели экстрамуроса, склонные нести П., чаше других обижаются (либо делают вид, что обижаются), когда им на это указывают. Таким образом, обитатель матика оказывается практически в безвыходном положении. Он вынужден либо употребить «неприличное» слово, прослыть грубияном и оказаться исключённым из цивилизованного речевого общения, либо сказать то же самое иначе, то есть включиться в распространение П. и поддержать явление, с которым собрался бороться. Последнее, возможно, объясняет исключительную стойкость и неистребимость П. Разрешить дилемму данному словарю не под силу, так что вопрос следует предоставить иерархам, занятым взаимодействием с секулюмом. Син.: брендятина.
«Словарь», 4-е издание, 3000 год от РК.

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The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?

Two and a Half Men 6×17

& Charlie: Even from unflattering angles, you light up the screen.
    Chelsea: Oh, I hate you.
    Charlie: That’s too bad, ’cause I love you.
Ω Bazinga!
    Chelsea: ..............

& Alan: Morning.
    Charlie: Always got to make a comment, don’t you?!

& Charlie: Last night, in bed, I told her I loved her. And you know what she said?
    Alan: “I’m still not going to let you do that”?

---

& Dr. Linda Freeman: What would it take for you feel that things were back in balance with Chelsea?
    Charlie: Simple. She has to tell me she loves me.
    Dr. Linda Freeman: Even if she doesn’t feel it?
    Charlie: It’s even better if she doesn’t feel it. ’Cause that means she’s only saying it ’cause she’s afraid to lose me.
    Dr. Linda Freeman: Wow.
    Charlie: Wow? What’s “wow”?
    Dr. Linda Freeman: Kind of like “huh,” but with a “wuh” and an “ow.”

& Charlie: A toast...
    Chelsea: What the hell did I just swallow?!
    Charlie: A one-bedroom condo.

& Chelsea: I just got out of a marriage. I’m not ready to do it again.
    Charlie: That’s fine. I understand.
    Chelsea: I’m not saying “no,” I’m just saying “not now.”
    Charlie: Hey, “not now” is my favorite time for a wedding.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

& Hansel: Is it hot enough for you now?

& Gretel: Let the girl go or I’m gonna blow your sheriff’s brains all over these fucking hillbillies.

& Gretel: She looks angry.
    Hansel: Yeah. A face like that, I’d be angry, too.

& Mina: Have you ever come across a witch that you didn’t want to kill?
    Hansel: No, never. The only good witch is a dead witch.

---

& Mina: You’re very handsome. And no man in this town will walk with me.
    Hansel: And you have... my pumpkin.

& Gretel: Are you a good shot?
    Jackson: No. Not really. That’s why I use a shotgun.

& Hansel: Whatever you do, don’t eat the fucking candy.

& Muriel: Always funny seeing a white witch with a wand. What are you going to do? Hit me with your love spell?

& Gretel: Edward, want to knock?

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

+ Soundtrack

Σ Fairy nonsense.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

& — What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
    Steve: Revenge.

& Steve: You think you’ll want to change your name?
    Ned: Ned?
    Steve: No, not the Ned part, unless you want to. I meant your last name. I thought you might like to let me give you mine.
    Ned: Ned Zissou?
    Steve: Ned Zissou. Exactly. Or if you want to, you can change the first part, too. I would have named you Kingsley if I’d had a say in it.

& Jane: How long have you been working with Zissou?
    Ned: Uh, approximately... Only ten minutes, actually. I was hired during the scene on the beach.
    Klaus: He’s Steve’s son, supposedly.

& Ned: Why didn’t you contact me?
    Steve: Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.

---

& Steve: He’s OK. He just drank a little too much water.

& Eleanor: Goodbye, Steve.
    Steve: Don’t say that. Even if it’s true... don’t say that. It’s too painful.
    Eleanor: What do you want me to say?
    Steve: Say bon voyage.

& Ned: I’ve never felt a baby in someone’s stomach before. I think you’ll make a very good single mother.
    Jane: Thanks.
    Ned: Although it does put you both at a tremendous disadvantage.

& Ned: I’m gonna fight you, Steve.
    Steve: You never say, “I’m gonna fight you.” You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him!..
    Ned: You fight your way, and I’ll fight mine.

& Steve: This is gonna hurt.

& Ali: We’ve never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I’m part gay.
    Steve: Supposedly, everyone is.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Second Thoughts

Continuum 2×3

& Kellogg: Alec and I are in the process of forging a business alliance. I’m surprised he didn’t mention it.
    Kiera: You did this to get back at me!
    Kellogg: Now that’s a touch egocentric. The kid is a venture capitalist’s dream. It’s like finding Steve Wozniak at 18.

& Kellogg: Kiera, relax. I don’t want to change history, okay? I just want a ringside seat.

& Sonya: Ideas are more powerful than guns. They’re the only way to prevail against a stronger enemy. That’s the message Kagame left.
    Lucas: Yeah. Right before he blew up a building full of people.

& Kiera: Okay, who are they, Jason, these freelancers?
    Jason: Itinerant time travelers. Prospectors, adventurers, fugitives... they come in all colours. Some say they’re here to protect the time line from abuse, some say they are the abusers.
    Kiera: Okay, but... how long have they been here?
Jason: Who do you think the telescope came from?
    Kiera: I always assumed Galileo.
    Jason: Atomic bomb? Cold fusion?.. Gerry Garcia ice cream? Whenever there’s a quantum leap in technology, you’re gonna find freelancers. They might not be doing the inventing, but they’re at least pulling the strings.
    Kiera: What about Mr. Escher?
    Jason: He’s just running his own agenda. He’s a freelancer of a different stripe.
Ω Nice conspiracy.

---

& Jason: You want to catch a ride home... You know, you won’t be the same person you were when you left.
    Kiera: The longer I stay here, the more the future starts slipping away.
    Jason: One day you’re gonna wake up and just wonder if any of it ever really happened.

& Lucas: How’d it go?
    Sonya: You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. And the Protector!

& Alec: There’s free will, Kiera. If you don’t believe in that, then what are any of us doing?

--
On the IMDb

For Immediate Release

Mad Men 6×6

& Banker: It’s a common mistake to not ask questions when you want something because you’re afraid of the answers.

& Peggy: There’s poop on the stairs again.
    Abe: Somebody’s dog got in.
    Peggy: No, it’s human. I think it’s from the tenant.

& Herb-Jaguar: Tall and tan and young and lovely...

& Pete: Hello.
    Tom-Vicks: Good night.

& Pete: I have a high-level accounts question. A hypothetical.
    Ken: So it doesn’t involve anybody in this room?
    Pete: Let’s say you caught your father-in-law in a compromising position...

& Roger: Well, I have some good news and some bad news.
    Don: Where the hell have you been?
    Pete: Don fired Jaguar!
    Roger: What?.. Then I just have good news. We’re giving a presentation this Friday on Chevy’s top secret new car.
    Pete: What?!
    Don: Friday?!
    Roger: Come on, you’ve been thinking about Chevy your whole life.

& Don: Joan, get the creatives in my office.
    Joan: Get them yourself!
    Don: .... Don’t you feel 300 pounds lighter?
    Joan: I don’t. Honestly, Don, if I could deal with him, you could deal with him. And what now? I went through all of that for nothing?
    Don: Joan, don’t worry. I will win this.
    Joan: Just once I would like to hear you use the word “we.” Because we’re all rooting for you from the sidelines, hoping that you’ll decide whatever you think is right for our lives.

---

& Stan: There’s no pictures.
    Roger: It’s a GM car. It’s got four wheels and an engine.
    Don: No, it’s totally new. I want you to go to the library and get me everything you can on Mustang.
    Michael: And Chevy.
    Don: No, forget that. They know there’s been nothing before Mustang and nothing after it, but they’re hoping it’s this.

& Ted: Maybe Frank’s right. We should have never dumped Alfa. It’s one thing to want something, it’s another to need it.

& Arnold: My hospital chickened out and now some asshole down there is taking my place in history while I piss away my life in New York City.
    Don: You can’t think that way.
    Arnold: Fate hasn’t chosen me.
    Don: Look... I don’t cut people open. I don’t believe in fate. You make your own opportunities.

& Megan: I love you like this.
    Don: Desperate and scared?
    Megan: Fearless... And I want to do whatever I can to make sure you do not fail. Then you can jump from the balcony and fly to work like Superman.

& Don: I should just let Chevy buy my brain and put it in a jar.
    Ted: Brain in a jar... Put it on your tombstone.
    Don: “Here lies SCDP, the little company with the big ideas.”
    Ted: “CGC, giving away creative one car at a time.”

& Peggy: So, how’d it go?
    Don: We got it. We won Chevy.
    Peggy: .... What are you doing here?
    Ted: We went in together.
    Peggy: What?!

& Peggy: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
    Don: I did this wrong once before, so let me tell you how great it’s going to be and you can decide if you want to come along.
    Ted: You are the copy chief at one of the top 25 ad agencies in the country. You’re not even 30. I’m jealous.
    Peggy: I just bought an apartment.
    Don: Congratulations.
    Peggy: Are we moving?
    Ted: We are, and we’d like you to write the press release.
    Peggy: For what?
    Don: We don’t have a name yet, but make it sound like the agency you want to work for.
    Peggy: .... Who do I give it to?
    Don: Give it to Ted.

--
On the IMDb

A Landmark Story

Elementary 1×21

& Holmes: Mr. Moran, your claims about Moriarty cannot be substantiated and are of no interest. Now, I was told you had some information about some other of your victims.
Sebastian Moran: And I was told, every year about Christmas time, a fat, jolly old man delivers toffees to good little girls and boys. Now, I waited up for him one night to steal his stash... but he didn’t show.

& Watson: So you prove you’re reasonable by asking me to commit a felony...
    Holmes: Security in mortuaries is so lax you can hardly call it breaking and entering.

& Holmes: We’ll have to proceed.
    Watson: Seriously?
    Holmes: Mm.
    Watson: But what happens when people figure out that somebody came in here and cut up a body in the middle of the night?
    Holmes: We’ll sew him back up again, won’t we? ... Anyway, they’re certainly not gonna assume two people broke in in the middle of the night and performed an illicit autopsy, are they?
    Watson: Right, because that would be crazy.

& Watson: Just give it to me!
    Holmes: Mm... Mm... Oh, that’s lovely. You really are quite skilled, Watson.
    Watson: No. I am dissecting a body in the middle of the night. We are not having a moment.

& Watson: What’s with the big band music?
    Holmes: I was thinking about bootleg alcohol this morning. Reminded me I haven’t listened to Bix Beiderbecke in quite some time.
    Watson: And the doll being burned at the stake?
    Holmes: I’m in a dispute with a theologist about Galileo.

& Holmes: Untraceable shell corporation, a scheme to make millions by revoking the landmark status of an old building, and murder by home appliance. We’re obviously pursuing a lively intellect.

& Watson: And how do we catch our current quarry?
    Holmes: First, I’m gonna clean up the air conditioner. Then it’s quite obvious what we need to do. We need to plan a murder.

& Holmes: If I was a sociopath, and I wanted to stop anyone from taking too close a look at my murderous transaction, I would remove Ms. Taggart from the chessboard.
    Watson: But we need to warn her.
    Holmes: We’ll do no such thing. Our mission is to study this woman to observe her in her natural habitat. No, the best way to keep this woman safe is to find out how to kill her.

& Sherlock: A moment ago, I could have sworn I saw an Africanized honeybee.
    Watson: How do you “Africanize” something?
    Sherlock: It’s a term to describe a particularly aggressive species. It’s odd to... Odd to see them here. They’re not native to New York.

---

& Sherlock: Since then, we’ve entered into a partnership. It’s an arrangement which I find very rewarding. You’re an interesting project, and I-I enjoy watching your progress. The thing that’s different about me, empirically speaking... is you.
    Watson: .... That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
    Sherlock: .... As I said, it’s an empirical observation.

& Sherlock: Do you want some tea?
    Watson: No, I want a drink.
    Sherlock: !.!.!.!
    Watson: Sorry.

& John Douglas: You want to know about Irene. I didn’t kill her. But I know what happened. I could tell you why she had to die. It was because of you, Holmes.

& Watson: That’s my old medical bag... Legos?
    Sherlock: Yean, the bag needed a certain heft if it was gonna fool John Douglas.

& Sherlock: 10:17. Thank you. Watson, you know... some people... without possessing genius... have a remarkable knack for stimulating it.
    Watson: Oh, an insult and a boast.

& Watson: You couldn’t have known...
    Sherlock: Yeah, you know, that’s what idiots tell themselves when they’ve been outsmarted.

& Sherlock: I don’t know what his game is.
    Watson: It seems like maybe you’re the game.

& Moriarty: My name is Moriarty. I believe we’re overdue for a chat.

--
On the IMDb

Parker

& Parker: I don’t steal from people who can’t afford it and I don’t hurt people that don’t deserve it. So relax.

& Parker: I’m no better than you. You’re no better than me. If I say I’ll do something, I’ll do it. If you say you’ll do something and you don’t, I’ll make sure you regret it.

& Parker: Do what I say and you won’t get hurt.
    Jack: Mine’s bigger than yours.
    Parker: It’s not the size, it’s how you use it.

& Jake: Hey, you have a cup holder in your car? Or you just keep that between your legs?
    Leslie: Well, it’s large and black, Jake. Where do you think I like it?

& Parker: If it’s gonna happen, it’ll happen. It’s not something you can control. When I enter an agreement with someone, terms on both sides have to be honored. If they’re not, and I allow that, I’m asking chaos to take control of my life. Nobody likes chaos.
    Hurley: Yeah... Yeah, no one likes chaos. That’s right.

---

& Leslie: You’re going to kill them, aren’t you?
    Parker: I never said that, Leslie. You did... Civilized people need to follow rules.

& Leslie: Do you ever feel bad about what you do?
    Parker: Everyone steals, Leslie. Some people admit it to themselves, some don’t. It’s what human beings do. That’s why we invented locks.
    Leslie: .... I just mean, how do you sleep at night?
    Parker: I don’t drink coffee after 7:00.

& Leslie: I thought I was calling somebody to take you to the hospital!
    Parker: I can’t do that, Leslie. I have something to do tonight.
    Leslie: Are you crazy? You almost died! Wait. Well, you have a... A mangled hand, a broken rib!
    Claire: Four this time.
    Leslie’s Mom: This is a real man.

& Parker: It’s not about money.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ And what is the moral of this tale? Null? Nothing? Nada? A single morality here is Statham.

The Climb

Game of Thrones 3×6

& Ygritte: I’m your woman now, Jon Snow. You’re going to be loyal to your woman.The Night’s Watch don’t care if you live or die. Mance Rayder don’t care if I live or die. We’re just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down. It’s you and me that matters to me and you. Don’t ever betray me.
    Jon Snow: ...... I won’t.

& Anguy: Show me your position... Keep your elbow high... You want your back doing the hard labor... You’re holding. Never hold.
    Arya: What?
    Anguy: Your muscles tense up when you hold. Pull the string back to the center of your chin and release. Never hold.
    Arya: But I have to aim.
    Anguy: Never aim. Your eye knows where it wants the arrow to go. Trust your eye.

& Arya: I don’t like that woman.
    Anguy: That’s ’cause you’re a girl.

& Gendry: You told me this was a Brotherhood. You told me I could be one of you!
    Melisandre: You are more than they can ever be. They’re just foot soldiers in the great war. You will make kings rise and fall...

& Arya: You’re a witch!..
    Melisandre: I see a darkness in you. And in that darkness, eyes staring back at me... brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes. Eyes you’ll shut forever... We will meet again.

& Ygritte: You staring at my ass, Jon Snow?

& Bolton’s bastard: Let’s play a game. Which body part do you need the least?

& Bolton’s bastard: You win the game if you can figure out who I am and why I’m torturing you and I win the game if you beg me to cut off your finger.
    Theon: If I win, you’ll let me go?
    Bolton’s bastard: If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.

---

& Bolton’s bastard: I win!

& Lord Tywin: If the rumors about my children were true, then Joffrey is no king at all and House Tyrell is throwing its prized flower into the dirt.
    Lady Olenna: And if Cersei is too old to give Loras children, we’re throwing another prized flower into the dirt.

& Sansa: I’m very happy about...
    Loras: Uh, yes. I-I am as well.
    Sansa: I feel like I’m in a dream.
    Loras: Yes, me, too. Definitely. I’ve dreamed of a large wedding since I was quite young. The guests, the food, the tournaments... And the bride, of course.

& Tyrion: I don’t suppose there’s anything we can do about this.
    Cersei: We can have them both killed. It’s hard to say which of the four of us is getting the worst of this arrangement...
    Tyrion: Probably Sansa. Though Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery.
    Cersei: Father doesn’t discriminate. We’re all being shipped off to hell together.
    Tyrion: On a boat you built.

& Sansa: I trust Shae, even though she tells me not to.
    Tyrion: Sometimes we think we want to hear something and it’s only afterwards when it’s too late that we realize we wished we’d heard it under entirely different circumstances.
    Sansa: It’s all right, really.
    Tyrion: How to begin? It’s... this... this... this is awkward.

& Varys: 1,000 blades taken from the hands of Aegon’s fallen enemies, forged in the fiery breath of Balerion the Dread.
    Baelish: There aren’t 1,000 blades. There aren’t even 200. I’ve counted.
    Varys: Ha, I’m sure you have. Ugly old thing. Yet it has a certain appeal.

& Varys: I did what I did for the good of the realm.
    Baelish: The realm? Do you know what the realm is? It’s the thousand blades of Aegon’s enemies. A story we agree to tell each other over and over till we forget that it’s a lie.
    Varys: But what do we have left once we abandon the lie?.. Chaos. A gaping pit waiting to swallow us all.
    Baelish: Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions... Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.

--
On the IMDb

Dead Freight

Breaking Bad 5×5

& Lydia: This... this was not me! I swear to God I didn’t do it!
    Jesse: I don’t know, man. It sounds like she’s telling the truth to me.
    Mike: She has a gun to her head, kid. Everyone sounds like Meryl Streep with a gun to their head.
    Walter: I’m sorry, Jesse. You’re the one who wanted to put it up to a vote. It’s two against one.

& Lydia: You wanna talk methylamine? Then tell your partner to stop threatening me, and let’s talk.
    Walter: Talk about what? You heard. You can’t even get us a single barrel.
    Lydia: Who said anything about barrels? I’m talking about an ocean of the stuff.

& Lydia: ... That’s where you do it.
    Walter: That’s where we do what, exactly?
    Lydia: Get your methylamine.
    Jesse: Like, rob it? Like Jesse James?

---

& Jesse: Wait. Two guys. Can’t we just tie them up or something?
    Mike: And then what? Even if we wear a mask, we’re leaving two witnesses behind. Bottom line, I have done this long enough to know that there are two kinds of heists: Those where the guys get away with it and those that leave witnesses.

& Jesse: What if we can rip off that train, and no one ever knows it got robbed?
    Walter: ....... Maybe... Just maybe. It’ll come from that direction...

& Skyler: I won’t change my mind about you. Ever.
    Walter: Well, I don’t accept that. You’re my wife.
    Skyler: I’m not your wife, I’m your hostage. But since you insist on keeping me imprisoned, I’ll make you a deal. I will launder your money, I’ll keep your secrets, but the kids will stay at Hank and Marie’s, where they have a chance of being safe.
    Walter: Think you’ve seen too many movies.

& Skyler: Out burying bodies?
    Walter: Robbing a train.

& Jesse: No! No!

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Another one WOW.

Party Favors

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

Season 1 Episode 10

& Batiatus: When I put on the toga virilis, it was in this very room, surrounded by my father’s champions. Even then I knew that one day my own titans would eclipse them all. None more so than Spartacus, the bringer of rain. Ugh?..
    Spartacus: You honor me.
    Batiatus: You stand above all others. Continue on this path, and we will have the world... Grrrr!

& Varro: Aurelia tells me Sicilia is an island blessed by the gods. You must visit us there, when you gain freedom.
    Spartacus: I no longer concern myself with thoughts beyond these walls.
    Crixus: And nor should you. A true champion dreams only of the arena.

& Batiatus: It appears our champion has no head for games of strategy.
    Spartacus: Mm, battles maybe lost... And yet the war concludes in victory.

& Batiatus: How can you keep besting a man so far above your station?
    Spartacus: I sprung from my mother with sword in hand. The ways of battle are second nature, passed down from father to son.

---

& Batiatus: Spartacus is the reason the magistrate graces our house, along with all the shits that follow.
    Lucretia: They come to see you. A man ascended to the heavens. And Spartacus is merely the beast that you ride upon.

& Numerius: The man is beaten.
    Spartacus: In body, perhaps. Yet confrontation is often not won by force, but by will.

& Numerius: The man is soundly defeated, yet treated as victor?
    Spartacus: A sign of respect, for his courage.

& Lucretia: Did you see the look upon his face? He’s the rictus of a man dying, a slice at a time.

I would have the fatal cut in a single stroke.
    Batiatus: Oh, I prefer as many strokes as possible, to maximize the pleasure.

& Lucretia: The magistrate’s response?
    Batiatus: To be answered in blood.

--
On the IMDb

Σ It's the 10.

Safe Haven

& Katie: I like the fact that I can hear myself think.

& Jo: You know, normally when somebody does something nice for you, you just say thank you.

& Jo: Look, Katie, the great thing is life is full of second chances.

& Josh: Why do you always have to take pictures?
    Alex: I don’t know, Josh, because I want to be able to remember this stuff, that’s why.
    Josh: Try to remember without the camera.

---

& Katie: Does it get better? With time?
    Alex: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, at first, I tried to avoid any place that we went together. I tried to forget, I tried to put it all behind me. I tried to, you know... just look forward. But it just didn’t work. And I realized that if... if I’m not thinking about her, who is? You know? And she didn’t deserve that.

& Jo: Promise me something, Katie... That you’ll take a lot of pictures. You’ll only regret the ones that you didn’t take.

& Jo: To the woman my husband loves.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

+ Soundtrack!

Movie 43

& Calvin: Dude, we got a view!
    JJ: Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it.
    Calvin: Well, then upload it again so we can have two views.
    JJ: I-I don’t think that’s how it works.

& Calvin: We steal his computer and load it full of viruses.
    JJ: Wait, where do we get viruses?
    Calvin: Uh, duh! Porn sites. Why do you think my computer’s so slow?

& Baxter: Okay, why would you want to watch it... if it can make you pull off your own dick?
    Calvin: Because... if you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end, you’re rewarded beyond your wildest dreams. With money. And sex. And women.
    JJ: It’s like that movie The Ring, but with a good ending.
    Calvin: Yeah.
    JJ: And boobs.
    Calvin: Lots of boobs.

& Baxter: So what’s this movie called?
    Calvin: Movie...
    JJ: Forty-three!
    Calvin: Movie forty-three.

---

& Larry: Shitting is something you do on a whore. Pooping is a gift you give to your soul mate.
Ω Too much shit poop.

& Superman: Stay away from Lois or l’ll use my heat vision... to fuse your balls into one big ridiculous uniball.

& Supergirl: You saved my life!
    Robin: Just-Just doing my job.
    Batman: Kiss. Kiss her... Open her mouth and touch tongues. ... Put your tongue inside her mouth... and that’ll coax her tongue to go into your mouth! ... Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies. ... Yeah, and touch her butt. Doesn’t that look nice?
    Wonder Woman: It looks so nice. Oh, yeah.
    Batman: Hold on! Not so fast!

& Robert: Sir, the iBabe is a...
    Boss: High fidelity music player.
    Arlene: Yes, it also looks and feels exactly like a naked woman... Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women.
    Robert: Our research doesn’t support that, sir.
    Arlene: Look, at the very least, we need to put a warning sticker on the box.
    Boss: Other MP3 players don’t have a warning not to have sex with it. Right? A bag of potato chips doesn’t have a warning, “Please don’t fuck these potato chips.” Am I crazy here?

& Robert: we’ve broken down our problem into three steps. Step 1: Kid buys iBabe. Step 2: Kid fucks iBabe. Step 3: Kid mangles dick and sues iBabe. Our goal is to eliminate step two and step three.
    Boss: Now I know what the problem is. Why don’t we just move the fan? Why don’t we just put it in her ear?
    Brian: No. No, no, no, no, no, sir. Uh, my team spent two years doing the impossible, and you’re pretty much just telling us to go back and start from scratch. You know, to go fuck ourselves!

& Brian: Sir, may I introduce you to the iBabe Special Edition. Faster processing, double storage capacity, and how about that elegant finish.

& Mikey: Nathan on a date for once!
    Nathan: Jesus, Mikey, shut up!
    Mikey: What? Mom told me to watch you guys. I’m just doing my job.

& Pete: Brian, we’re best friends, man. You can’t move out.
    Brian: You fucked my girlfriend, dude.
    Pete: One time. For a week.
    Brian: What?!
    Pete: But I want to make it up to you.
    Brian: Can I fuck your girlfriend?
    Pete: Yes, but she broke up with me... when she found out I slept with your girlfriend... so I can’t arrange it.

& Emily: I am going to push the limits just a little bit. Are you circumcised?
    Donald: Am I circumcised? That’s personal... Circumcision has never really taken off, to be honest, where I’m from. It’s not... it’s not the vogue. I tend to associate it with Jewish people... and we don’t have many Jewish people in Europe anymore... because of the... trouble. So, no, I’m not.

& Coach Jackson: How many fucking times do I have to tell you? You’re black, they’re white, this ain’t hockey!
    Anthony: Guys, I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word is “teamwork.”
    Coach Jackson: No, the key word is “you’re black, they’re white”!
    Moses: So, Coach, what you’re saying is, if we just walk with the Lord...
    Coach Jackson: The Lord? Nigger, the Lord done did his part already! He made you black. He made them white. He gave you a foot-and-a-half dick! Dribble with that motherfucker! As long as y’all are out there on the floor... you’re going to score more points than them. That’s just how basketball works!

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Well pranked. From the heart. And... Incredible disgusting.

Home

Revolution 1×15

& Aaron: Dr. Warren’s little diary making any sense?
    Rachel: It’s kind of like Da Vinci on meth.

& Aaron: Well, maybe I can help...
    Rachel: You could get supplies.
    Aaron: ... Right. Two doctorates from M.I.T., but I’ll just... I’ll go shopping. Super.

---

& — Fine leather. Come get your fine leather. Very fine leather. Made from vintage Gucci coats. Oh, come on. You know you need it.

& Monroe: You’ve got a kind heart, Emma. You see the best in people. You see... the best in me. I want to be the Bass that you knew. I want to be him so badly, you have no idea. ... But he’s dead.

& President Foster: Tom... I hope you’re ready to get back into action.

--
On the IMDb

Σ Booo. Too much tears for one ep.

The Last Stand

& Sheriff Ray Owens: I’m not a big croud guy. Plus, someone has to stay behind, to keep the peace.
    Mayor: You going boating?
    Sheriff Ray Owens: I’m undercover.

& Aaron: I think it’s a “ZR1”... The Corvette ZR1. This one is a specially modified show car. It’s a monster on wheels. ... Normally something around 700 horsepower. But this is upwards of 1,000.
    Agent Bannister: I got a psychopath in a Batmobile. How am I suppose to stop them?

& Gabriel Cortez: Death doesn’t come when you expect it. Driving a race car... or in a gunfight. Death is waiting in the kitchen when you get up at night for a glass of milk... Don’t try to see death coming. You won’t.

& Sheriff Ray Owens: Consider yourself deputized.

& Sheriff Ray Owens: I tell you a secret. I’m probably more afraid than you are right now.
    Sarah Torrance: How can that be?
    Sheriff Ray Owens: Because I’ve seen enough blood and death. I know what’s coming.

---

& Sheriff Ray Owens: What do you think, we are fighting in the crusade?
    Lewis Dinkum: You never know.

& Lewis Dinkum: I’ll drive ol’ Henrietta here.
    Sheriff Ray Owens: You have stupid names for all your shit?
    Lewis Dinkum: Only the shit I love.

& Sheriff Ray Owens: Listen guys... It’s too dangerous for you to stay here. I want everyone to go home. ...... Did you hear what I just said?
    Senior citizen-1: We just ordered breakfast.
    Sheriff Ray Owens: It’s for your own safety.
    Senior citizen-1: You’re talking to a 72 year old man with high cholesterol eating a bacon and cheddar omelet with extra cheddar. Do I look like I’m afraid of death?
    Senior citizen-2: Don’t look at me. I ordered the same thing.
    Irv: Well, I just started cooking.

& Burrell: Shoot anything that moves! If it doesn’t move, shoot it anyway!

& Sheriff Ray Owens: Welcome to Sommerton.

& Irv: How are you sheriff?
    Sheriff Ray Owens: Old.

& Gabriel Cortez: Who the hell are you?
    Sheriff Ray Owens: I am the Sheriff.

& Gabriel Cortez: Hell, twelve thousand Mexicans come across every day. You shouldn’t mind if one goes back.

& Sheriff Ray Owens: You make us immigrants look bad.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ All the way Schwarzenegger'ish.

The Proton Resurgence

The Big Bang Theory 6×22

& Penny: Who’s Professor Proton?

& Sheldon: I never missed an episode.
    Leonard: He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects. It was pretty cool.
    Penny: Aw, so cute when you use the word “cool” wrong. Like when kids say “pasghetti.”

& Raj: Uncle Howard! Cinnamon’s here for her sleepover party!
    Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she’d eat you, right?
    Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

& Leonard: Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night, you’re gonna be sleepy tomorrow. And a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon. And a cranky Sheldon... is actually no different than a regular Sheldon. Good night!

& Sheldon: Leonard... you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur. That means we’re friends.
    Professor Proton: No. A friend would’ve-would’ve told me about the elevator.

---

& Sheldon: Look at me. I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it’s going to ruin my eyes.
    Professor Proton: Is, uh, is he dangerous?
    Leonard: Actually, he’s a genius.
    Sheldon: I am.
    Professor Proton: Th-That doesn’t answer my question.

& Professor Proton: Is the, is the blonde girl really your-your girlfriend?
    Leonard: Yes, sir.
    Professor Proton: You’re the genius.

& Professor Proton: I’m... I’m awake, right? Th-This is happening?

& Bernadette: You know, maybe she doesn’t recognize her name because of Raj’s accent.
    Howard: Good thinking. Cinnamon, come to Daddy!
    Bernadette: Cinnamon! Where are you, my little lamb chop?
    Howard: Nice.
    Bernadette: Thanks.
    Howard: When this all blows over, remember that voice. It’s kind of a turn-on.
    Bernadette: ... It turns you on when I sound like Raj?!
    Howard: ... Cinnamon!

& Professor Proton: Okay, as-as I put the egg on top, and-and the flame goes out and-and the air pressure decreases in-in the flask, what do you think will happen?
    Penny: I think I know...
    Sheldon: It’s gonna get sucked in! It’s going to get sucked in.
    Penny: Okay, I didn’t know.

& Sheldon: Uh, potato clock! Do potato clock.
    Penny: What’s that?
    Professor Proton: I-I power a clock with a, with a potato.
    Penny: Shut up! You can do that? I mean... wouldn’t that solve the world’s energy crisis?

& Penny: I’m sorry to hear about your troubles.
    Professor Proton: Uh, thanks.
    Penny: But if you don’t mind me asking, uh, the potato clock... how does it work? Is it a trick clock or a trick potato?
    Professor Proton: ....... Wh-What do you two talk about?
    Leonard: ........

& Bernadette: Can’t believe we lost her. What was I thinking? I’d be a terrible mom.
    Howard: Well, maybe with the first one. But kids are like pancakes. The first one’s always a throwaway.

--
On the IMDb

The Flood

Mad Men 6×5

& Ginny, realtor: 1,290 square feet. Let’s call it 13 with the balcony. One and a half bathrooms. That means it’s a full bath and a powder room. Two bedrooms, 11th floor, one parking spot with an option for a second. And at $28,000, I do believe that was everything on your list.
    Peggy: It’s a little farther east than I wanted. In fact, it’s about as far east as you could go. You can see the highway from the corner.
    Ginny: You can see the river. And who needs Central Park when you can smell the ocean and the Hungarian bakeries?

& Peggy: I want to talk about my apartment. I made an offer today. I think we’re gonna be neighbors. 84th and York.
    Megan: You’re buying a place?
    Peggy: Well, I paid off my debts and helped out my mother and it turns out I still have this tax problem.
    Megan: Don’t apologize, Peggy. You deserve it.

& Megan: He said he applauded the escalation of decay. So sick of that Marxist bullshit!
    Don: So far it’s only looting in Harlem, but a lot of places are on fire.

& Megan: My father just hides behind his intellect. He doesn’t want to feel any emotions.

---

& Randall Walsh-insurance: You’d rather not think about it. But there is a tear, and in that tear are all the tears in the world, all the animals crying.
    Don: You’re right... I don’t want to think about it.
    Roger: What Don’s saying is despite what we believe to be good intentions, you’re allowing the emotions of the day, and whatever else you got in your system, to influence your judgment.
    Randall Walsh-insurance: Are you forgetting what Tecumseh said?.. Heya howa howa hoya. Heya howa howa.
    Roger: I had forgotten that. We’ll think about it.

& Dad: You need a girl. But maybe you don’t like ’em.
    Michael: I like girls, Dad.
    Dad: If that was true, you’d be in bed with her right now.
    Michael: I don’t think anybody’s in the mood.
    Dad: It’s quite the opposite. Now’s the time when a man and a woman need to be together the most. In a catastrophe. In the flood, the animals went two by two. You, you’re gonna get on the ark with your father.

& Abe: I don’t want to live on the Upper East Side.
    Peggy: Fine. Why?
    Abe: I don’t know. I saw us raising our kids in a place with more different kinds of people. This photographer trailing me the other night, he lives in the West 80s.
    Peggy: Isn’t it dangerous?
    Abe: No, it’s more rundown. But that’s why it’s so cheap. Get some lumber, a coat of paint... people are doing it.

& Bobby: Everybody likes to go to the movies when they’re sad.

& Don: You don’t understand.
    Megan: I do. You don’t have Marx, you’ve got a bottle.

& Don: I don’t think I ever wanted to be the man who loves children. But from the moment they’re born... that baby comes out and you act proud and excited and hand out cigars... but you don’t feel anything. Especially if you had a difficult childhood. You want to love them, but you don’t. And the fact that you’re... faking that feeling makes you wonder... if your own father had the same problem. Then one day they get older... and you see them do something... and you feel... that feeling that you were pretending to have. And it feels like your heart is going to explode.

--
On the IMDb

! 3500th

Split Second

Continuum 2×2

& Kiera: If you don’t follow the path of destiny that shapes the future as I know it, the world won’t end up as it did in my time.
    Alec: Is that necessarily a bad thing?

& Alec: At a certain point you’re gonna have to choose between protecting the future for your unborn family or protecting the future for yourself and those of us who are alive now.

& Kellogg: You know I had a job like this once, way back... or is that way forward? Mopping floors and cleaning toilets. Good, honest work my father called it. I hated that job but I guess it did teach me something.
    Alec: And what’s that?
    Kellogg: Well first off, money and power doesn’t mean your shit doesn’t stink. More importantly, the only thing separating me and the future I wanted was will. I had the talent and the ambition, all I needed was a chance. The problem is, of course, you’re rarely given that chance, more often than not you’ve gotta take it. So one day, on my knees cleaning up where some idiot had missed with his piss, I did.
    Alec: Then what did you do?
    Kellogg: I quit. I scratched and clawed and willed myself into my own business. I put all that hard work into Kellogg Incorporated.

& Kellogg: Both of our futures rely on your own will. All you have to do is look down and realize that you’re on your knees too. The only difference is... you... are... a genius.

Alec, when you’re done with this customer can you drop by my office? My printer’s jammed.

& Kellogg: Printer jams, how novel... You know there’s no paper in the future? Or should I say no future in paper.

& Inspector Dillon: Nothing like a nice drive through the countryside.
    Agent Gardiner: The day is young...
    Inspector Dillon: I guess being a pessimist is part of your job description?

& Kellogg: It’s like I said, no strings attached. You’re the brains, I’m the money.

---

& Alec: Hey, can I ask you something that might sound a little bit weird?
    Kellogg: I’m a time traveler, kid... weird is my specialty.

& Kellogg: Here’s the deal, kid. In 2077, you are in today’s terms... Zuckerberg, Jobs, Buffett and Gates all rolled into one.
    Alec: Rich...
    Kellogg: No, no, no... beyond rich, epic wealth.

& Alec: What if you’re here for a reason, what if you coming back in time wasn’t an accident?
    Kellogg: You’re talking about fate.
    Alec: No, I’m talking about design.

& Travis: Here’s some free advice, detective... cash in that shitty pension, turn in that badge, buy that motorcycle you’ve always dreamed about and a shitload of guns.

& Carlos: Time travelers?
    Kiera: Time travelers, we’re all time travelers!
    Travis: Brother, you have no idea who the delusional one in this relationship is... I can tell you it’s not me and it’s definitely not her, so you do the math.

& Kellogg: A toast! A toast to fear... Fear infects the minds of our opponents. Fear slows them down and opens the door to self-doubt and inaction. You see without their fear, our bravery would be meaningless. You can’t fear failure because in doing so, you are inviting failure. I think it was T.S. Eliot who said ’only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go...’
    Alec: Let’s do this.

--
On the IMDb

Σ Good Ep.

Promised Land

& Churchill: You know, when we called the office out west, you were the only name they gave us.
    Steve: That’s nice of ’em.
    Churchill: Listen, Steve, we’re a nine billion dollar company. Someone’s recommending you, it’s not nice, it’s numbers.

& Sue: I can’t believe this is right outside the city. It looks like Kentucky.
    Steve: Two hours outside any city looks like Kentucky. You should know that.

& Frank: We have nothing left to sell. We can’t afford to buy anything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no better than my neighbors. Hell, I need the money, too. I guess I’m lucky... Lucky to be old enough to have a shot at dying with my dignity.

---

& Steve: This barn ... reminded me of my grandfather’s barn. That barn was the bane of my existence. It was immaculate. We painted it every other summer. Just him and me. I’d ask him, “Why? Why do we have to do this?” And he’d look at me and say, “This is our barn. Who else is going to do it?” I used to think the guy was crazy. And stubborn. Proud... But, see. I think... He was just trying to teach me what it meant to take care of something.

--
On the IMDb

Whore

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

Season 1 Episode 9

& Varro: I admitted I reacted poorly to the news of her being with child.
    Spartacus: And now she makes you wait. The way women punish us for being fools.

& Batiatus: Argh. The Champion of Capua arrives! A man who so terrifies Jupiter the clouds burst and the heavens weep!
    Spartacus: My glory is but a reflection of my Dominus.
    Batiatus: You flatter!
    Spartacus: I return in kind.

& Mira: You do not desire me?
    Spartacus: I desire only sleep. And the absence of dreams.

---

& Lucretia: Praise the gods for his return. May they guide him to many more victories.
    Batiatus: And our purse filled by such.
    Lucretia: Yes. Filled to bursting.

& Duro: This isn’t the arena!
    Crixus: The world is my arena, pup.

& Lucretia: You will always be mine, Crixus. Mine alone.

& Ilithyia: My mind is filled with baser thoughts. The vision of brutish hands being laid upon me... In a manner quite lacking in my husband’s touch. I should not speak of such things. I dishonor myself.
    Lucretia: Your desires should not shame you. You are a woman. Our needs are vast.

& Batiatus: The favor of both coin and title would speed our ambitions.
    Lucretia: To rise you would have me kneel?
    Batiatus: One day soon we will give Ilithyia a lesson in manners. But for now... necessity dictates we give her Crixus. Make the arrangements.

& Lucretia: This will be our little secret...

--
+ quotes on the IMDb