The Ugly Truth (3/3)

In the Middle

& Mike: So how often do you, uh...?
    Abby: Do I what? Do I what?!
    Mike: You know... flick* the bean?
    Abby: What bean?
    Mike: Your bean. Flick it. Down there.
    Abby: Oh! Gross! That's what you call it? What is wrong with you?
    Mike: No, well, actually, I call it masturbating, but I thought that might offend your delicate ladylike sensibilities.


& Abby: I don't do that, not ever.
    Mike: Yes, you would.
    Abby: No. No. No.
    Mike: Never?
    Abby: I find it impersonal.
    Mike: Abby, what could be more personal than you flicking your bean?
    Abby: I just don't see myself that way, okay?
    Mike: Well, you better start. Because if you don't wanna have sex with you, why the hell would Colin?


& Mike: Sorry, buddy, that's my toy.
    Abby: Did you know he had it the whole time?
    Mike: Not the whole time, just part of the time. I figured I should let you finish.
    Abby: How kind.
    Mike: So thanks for coming tonight. To dinner. That kind of coming.



Pocket Full of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

---

& Mike: So there you have it. Never assume a girl is easy or assume she's a prude*. There are many layers in between. And it's your job, gentlemen, to peel back those layers and figure out exactly what type of woman you're dealing with.
    Joy: That sounded almost enlightened.
    Mike: Because once you do peel back those layers, my friends, her lady garden awaits.
    Joy: And he's back.
    Mike: And I'm pretty sure you're gonna wanna fertilize that patch of petunias.


& Craig Ferguson: What advice would you give to the good people out there that are
looking for love?
    Mike: My advice would be, uh... Don't do it. I mean, try to find lust instead. It's a lot easier and a lot less messy. Blue balls, they only last a few hours, but a broken heart, that can last years.


& Ferguson: Goodness me. Tell me, then. What's her name?
    Mike: Who?
    Ferguson: The woman that screwed you up. She must have been a doozy*.
    Mike: Ah. Well, like I said, better a floozy* than a doozy.


El Gitano Del Amor - Latin Soul Syndicate



& Abby: And that's it? That's all you have to say?
    Mike: What do you want me to say?
    Abby: The truth is ugly, isn't it?
    Mike: That's what I've been trying to tell you.


& And this is Joe, your new producer.
    Joe: Hi.
    Mike: You know what I like best about you, Joe? Is I don't wanna have sex with you at all.


& Mike: Yeah, it is scary. It's terrifying. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you.
    Abby: I am not a psycho.
    Mike: Love? Oh! I just told you that I loved you, and all you heard was "psycho".


& Abby: You're in love with me. Why?
    Mike: Beats the shit outta me, but I am.


& Mike: Am I really that good? Or are you...? Are you just faking it?
    Abby: You'll never know.



Flo Rida, You spin my head right round right round



--Dict:
flick — слегка ударить
prude — ханжа; жеманница
doozy — Something extraordinary or bizarre.
floozy — шлюха; бабенка


+ On Imdb.


~ А конец, к сожалению, того. Провис. А как всё было замечательно...