The Big Bang Theory 4x7

The Apology Insufficiency

Season 4, Episode 7

& Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
    Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent* family.
    Leonard: What does that have to do with me and women?
    Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.


& Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies* me at every turn.
    Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
    Sheldon: No, you squandered* your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast* on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste.


& Raj: Please don't send me back to India; it's so crowded! It's like the whole country is one endless Comic-Con, except everybody's wearing the same costume: Indian Guy.


& Leonard: So, when Howard said the FBI would be contacting me, I was expecting Mulder. Glad to see I got Scully.
    Special Agent Page: Who?
    Leonard: Mulder and Scully. X-Files. "The truth is out there." Never mind.


& Leonard: Want to get that?
    Sheldon: Not particularly.
    Leonard: Could you get that?
    Sheldon: I suppose I could if I were asked.
    Leonard: Would you please get that?
    Sheldon: Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?


& Agent Page: Dr. Cooper?
Yes.
    Agent Page: I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.
    Sheldon: You say you're Special Agent Page, FBI.
    Agent Page: Here's my I.D.
    Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card. But that doesn't prove I know Batman.
    Agent Page: I just want to ask you a few questions about Howard Wolowitz.
    Sheldon: Oh. All right. I doubt anyone would risk the stiff penalties for impersonating a federal officer just to ask questions about a minor league engineer with an unresolved Oedipal complex.

---

& Sheldon: For the record, I truly support the FBI in the mission which is expressed through their motto...?
    Agent Page: Fidelity, bravery, integrity.
    Sheldon: Correct. Now to business.


& Agent Page: Would you mind if we talked about Mr. Wolowitz now?
    Sheldon: A little, but go on.


& Agent Page: Would you characterize him as responsible?
    Sheldon: I'm going to answer that with a visual aid. This is my nine-disc complete Lord of the Rings trilogy Blu-ray set. Mr. Wolowitz borrowed it, damaged plastic retention hub number three... ...and then returned it to me, hoping I wouldn't notice. Would you characterize that as responsible?


& Leonard: What are you doing up?
    Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
    Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.
    Sheldon: Mockery*? That's all you have to offer?
    Leonard: I'm sorry. Why can't you sleep?
Who knows? I haven't watched any scary movies recently. I'm no longer obsessing over why the predicted mass of the quantum vacuum has little effect on the expansion of the universe. And it's been weeks since I took that accidental sip of Red Bull.


& Howard. The person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me.
    Howard: You?
    Sheldon: Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement.
    Howard: And they were okay with that?
    Sheldon: No. If anything, I made it worse. In any case, I have been riddled with guilt, which is causing Gorn-infested REM sleep. So, I'm here now to say I'm sorry.
    Howard: Are you kidding me? You've set my career back at least two years, and you think you can make it right with "I'm sorry"?
    Sheldon: Yes. I followed the social protocol. I attempted to right the wrong, and when I failed to do so, I delivered a heartfelt apology. Now you say, "Apology accepted," and I will offer you a one-time-only high five.
    Howard: Your apology is not accepted.
    Sheldon: You're tricking me. It really is, isn't it?


& Penny: Okay, Sheldon. What can I get you?
    Sheldon: Alcohol.
    Penny: Could you be a little more specific?
    Sheldon: Ethyl alcohol. 40 milliliters.
    Penny: I'm sorry, honey. I don't know milliliters.
    Sheldon: Ah. Blame President James "Jimmy" Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.


& Sheldon: Penny, you face failure on a daily basis. How do you cope*?
    Penny: I drink.
    Sheldon: To drinking. ... Nope.


& Sheldon: Nevertheless, I've hurt you, and whether you forgive me or not, I want you to have this.
    Howard: You're giving me a couch cushion?
    Sheldon: No. The cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
    Howard: But you love that spot.
    Sheldon: No. I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe. And now it's yours.
    Raj: Oh, my God, dude. Now you have to forgive him.
    Howard: All right. Apology accepted.
    Sheldon: High five... Not too hard... Thank you.
    Raj: I haven't cried like this since Toy Story 3.



--- Dict:
rodent — грызун
stymies — =Prevent or hinder the progress of
squandered — растраченный; разбазаренный
Feast — наслаждаться
Mockery — насмешка; издевательство
cope — справляться; совладать


On Imdb.