The Pants Alternative
Season 3, Episode 18
* Leonard: Hey, Sheldon. I was up in the administration office, and I happened to overhear the name of the winner of this year's Chancellor's Award for Science.
Sheldon: And you want to rub my nose in the fact that my contributions are being overlooked again? ... All right, I'll play. What self-important, preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: Oh, I'm so glad you asked it like that. You.
* Sheldon: I won?
Leonard: You won.
Sheldon: I won! This is astonishing. Not that I won the award... no one deserves it more. Actually, I guess I misspoke. It's not astonishing, more like inevitable. I'm not sure what to do first. Maybe I should call my mother. Wait! I know... I'm going to conduct an interview with myself and post it online.
* Sheldon: I am perfectly comfortable speaking to small groups. I cannot speak to large crowds.
Leonard: What, to you, is a large crowd?
Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.
* Penny: Sheldon, you're being ridiculous.
Sheldon: Am I? Let me tell you a story.
Howard: Where's 70 children when you need them?
* Raj: Okay, in Avatar when they gave sex in Pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know their ponytails are like their junk.
Howard: Yeah... so?
Raj: So, when they ride horses and fly on the birds, they also use their ponytails.
Howard: What's your point?
Raj: My point is, if I were a horse or a bird, I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.
Sheldon: It amazes me how you constantly obsess over fictional details when there are more important things in the real world to worry about. For example, why wasn't William Shatner in the new Star Trek movie?
* Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, but you're not smarter than all of us put together.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. That is what I meant.
* Leonard: We can help you. We can be your team. Like, uh, Professor Xavier and his X-Men.
Sheldon: I do like the X-Men.
Penny: Did I see X-Men?
Leonard: Yeah, we watched it last week. You said you liked it.
Penny: Oh. I say a lot of things, sweetie.
* Sheldon: How is a new suit going to prevent me from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people?
Penny: It'll give you confidence. You know, sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out about something, I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life.
Sheldon: Don't you eventually realize you're just the same stressed out person in a cute top or a fun skirt?
Penny: Yeah, that's when I buy shoes.
* Penny: Ooh! This suit is nice.
Sheldon: It's only one color.
Penny: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: That's a lot of money for only one color.
* Leonard: So, Sheldon... how you doing?
Sheldon: That's how you start a psychotherapy session? "How am I doing?" I was promised a riverboat journey into the jungles of my subconscious. Instead, I get the same question I hear from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's.
* Sheldon: All right, you people ready to have some fun? You have a basic understanding of differential calculus and at least one year of algebraic topology? Well, then here come the jokes.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?.. To get to the same side...
Bazinga!
All right, a neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Hello? I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.
Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience. Dr. Randall from the geology department... only man who's happy when they take his work for granite. Ba-da cha! I kid the geologists, of course, but it's only 'cause I have no respect for the field.
Let's get serious for a moment. Why are we all here? 'Cause we're scientists. And what do scientists study? The universe. And what's the universe made of? I am so glad you asked.
There's antimony
Arsenic, aluminum, selenium
And hydrogen and oxygen
and nitrogen and rhenium
.............
* Sheldon: Penny, Leonard. Would you be able to answer some questions I'm having about the events of last night?
Leonard: Sure.
Sheldon: Question one... where are my pants?
Leonard: You might want to check YouTube.
Sheldon: What do I search?
Leonard: It's already loaded. Just hit play.
Sheldon (on YouTube): All right, people, let's get down to the math. It is only three dimensional thinking that limits our imagination. Can I take my pants off over my head? Of course not. My body's in the way. But if we had access to higher dimensions, we could move our pants around our bodies through the fourth dimension and our days of dropping trousers would be over.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord... This couldn't be any more humiliating.
Leonard: Give it a minute.
Sheldon (on YouTube): Now, for the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. And here's Uranus.
И это — TRUE Bazinga!
--- Словарик:
rub — начищать
preen — дешёвая, грошовая безделушка
fraud — обманщик; мошенник
trample — топтать; растаптывать
bologna — болонская копчёная колбаса
dignitary — сановник
+ Еще quotes на Imdb.
\ Оригинальный ролик Physicist Melts Down не нашёлся.
( Встраивать никто не разрешает.
! Поэтому — лишь ссылка: youtube/Ahob0rLcoKA
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