The Big Bang Theory 3x16

The Excelsior Acquisition

Season 3, Episode 16

* Howard: Ow! Damn, paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut.
   Raj: Well, obviously you don't remember your circumcision.


* Sheldon: There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.
   Howard: Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?
   Leonard: He does. And in the kitchen. And in the car. And in his pocket.
   Sheldon: Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine!


* Howard: Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?
   Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.
   Howard: Why don't you put it in the bank?
   Sheldon: I don't trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge.

---

* Sheldon: My so-called friends have forsaken me. So, I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.
   Penny: Oh, balls.
   Sheldon: Please try to wear something appropriate. It won't help my case if the judge is busy trying to read the word "Juicy" scrawled across your buttocks.


* Sheldon: Penny? Penny?
   Penny: Penny?
   Sheldon: That's just wrong.


* Penny: All right, let's go.
   Sheldon: Before we get to the courthouse, I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.
   Penny: What is this?
   Sheldon: I've taken the liberty of scripting your appearance on the witness stand because, let's face it, you're somewhat of a loose cannon. Now, don't worry, it's written in your vernacular.


* Penny: Do I have a choice?
   Sheldon: Well, of course you have a choice. Although we live in a deterministic universe, each individual has free will.

* Sheldon: I call your attention to the events of November 16. Do you remember that date?
   Penny (is reading Sheldon's script): "Darn tootin', I do. If the court will excuse my homespun, corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."
   Sheldon: That's excellent. Go on.
   Penny: "The reason that date is, like, so totally fixed in my memory is that I had the privilege to be witness to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever."
   Sheldon: "And who performed that heroic act?"
   Penny: "Why, you did, sir. You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper. And may I add, it is a privilege to know you."
   Sheldon: "There's no need for compliments. This court is only interested in the facts."
   Penny: "But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you. Totally." A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!
   Sheldon: Only a suggestion. A catch in your throat would work just as well.


* Sheldon: So, to sum up: improper instruction, quod est necessarium est licitum, Sixth Amendment. My milk stool is complete.
   Judge: Impressive.
   Sheldon: Thank you.
   Judge: Guilty. Pay the cashier.
   Sheldon: I object. You're completely ignoring the law.
   Judge: No, I'm following the law. I'm ignoring you.


* Penny: What's going on?
   Stuart: Nothing. I'm just getting ready to close up and... head out.
   Penny: Ah. Cool. Got any fun plans?
   Stuart: Oh, yeah. Big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.
   Penny: Oh, nice.
   Stuart: Not even my cat. I just feed it. Some nights it doesn't even show up.



--- Словарик:
Excelsior — Недосягаемый
Acquisition — приобретение; овладение
loose — неопределённый; неточный; расплывчатый
vernacular — просторечие; разговорный язык
quod est necessarium est licitum — What is necessary is lawful


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