The Maternal Congruence
Season 3, Episode 11
* Penny: Oh, I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which could lead to congestive heart failure.
Penny: You really didn't like it, Sheldon?
Sheldon: No, on the contrary. I found the Grinch to be a relatable, engaging character. And I was really with him right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved Christmas. What a buzz kill that was.
* Sheldon: You dispute Newton's claim that he invented calculus and you want to put Gottfried Leibniz on the top.
Leonard: Yeah, you got me. I'm a Leibniz man.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps when your mother gets here, she'll talk some sense into you.
Penny: What? Your... your mother's coming? When?
Leonard: Tomorrow.
Penny: When were you going to tell me?
Leonard: Um... tomorrow?
Penny: Why were you keeping this a secret?
Leonard: Well, I just... I thought...
Sheldon: If I can interject here, obviously Leonard is concerned that his mother won't approve of you as his mate.
Penny: Why wouldn't she approve of me? I'm adorable.
Leonard: You are, it's just...
Sheldon: If I can interject again. Leonard comes from a remarkably high-achieving family, who have all chosen high-achieving partners. He probably feels that it's doubtful that his mother will be overly impressed with his dating a woman whose most significant achievement is memorizing the Cheesecake Factory menu.
Penny: Hey, it's a big menu. There's two pages just for desserts.
Leonard: And those specials... they change every day.
Penny: Okay, you know what? It's lame when I say it. It's just ridiculous when you pile on.
Leonard: Okay. Sorry.
Penny: So what did she say when you told her we were going out? You didn't tell her we were going out, did you? Leonard?..
Sheldon: I'm no expert on meditation, but if you're trying to calm yourself down, I believe the word is "Om."
* Sheldon: Shall we switch topics to Isaac Newton vs. Gottfried Leibniz?
Beverly, Leonard' mom: It's all right, Sheldon. I will just pretend that Leonard's not withholding information. Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioral tics that accompanied your learning to masturbate.
Sheldon: Isn't she brilliant, Leonard?
* Beverly: So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings toward one another?
* Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.
Beverly: Thankfully, my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact that I haven't had intercourse with him in eight years.
Penny: Eight years?!
Beverly: Oh, that's nothing. I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982. Yikes.
Penny: What's so funny?
Beverly: That's exactly what I say during orgasms: "Yikes."
* Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard? Leonard?..
Leonard: What is it?
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
* Sheldon: Just remember, Leonard, where your biological family has failed you, you always have me, your surrogate family.
Leonard: You're my surrogate family?!
Sheldon: If it's any consolation, I'm not happy about it either.
* Penny: You know, Leonard did not want to tell you we were dating.
Beverly: Really? Well, that means he's either embarrassed about the relationship or he doesn't care enough about his mother to tell her he's in one. Either way, one of us should be insulted.
Penny: Well, let's go find out who.
Beverly: You go get a taxi. I'm gonna slip my business card into that busboy's back pocket, cupping his firm, right buttock as I do so.
* Beverly: Sheldon, I do hope you'll forgive me for my inappropriate behavior last night.
Sheldon: I don't blame you. You were intoxicated.
Beverly: Thank you.
Sheldon: I blame Penny.
Beverly: I blame Penny, too.
Penny: Bad Penny.
Leonard: Wait a minute, what are you talking about? What inappropriate behavior?
Beverly: I think it's best that you not know.
Sheldon: Agreed.
Penny: Agreed.
Leonard: What the hell... agreed.
* Beverly: And I want you to take very good care of this young woman.
Penny: Oh, thank you, Beverly.
Beverly: You're welcome. She doesn't have much in the way of career prospects. Don't make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.
Leonard: Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don't communicate with me enough?
Beverly: Yes, dear.
Leonard: I'm over it.
--- Словарик:
Congruence — соответствие; согласованность; конгруэнтность, сравнимость
relate — реагировать (положительно)
succumbed to — погибнуть; умереть
adorable — прелестный, восхитительный
pile on — изображать из себя мученика; разыгрывать, прикидываться больным или несчастным; бить на жалость
akin — похожий, сходный, близкий
loathsome — вызывающий отвращение; противный; тошнотворный
Yikes — exclamation that expresses shock and dismay; exclamation that expresses surprise
consolation — утешение
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