The Large Hadron Collision
Season 3, Episode 15
* Howard: Yeah, I miss you, too, sweetie... Listen, I got to go, but I'll see you tonight?.. Okay... Bye-bye... No, you hang up first...
Raj: Dude, I'm glad you finally got a girlfriend, but do you have to do all that lovey-dovey stuff in front of those of us who don't?
Sheldon: Actually, he might have to. There's an economic concept known as a positional good in which an object is only valued by the possessor because it's not possessed by others. The term was coined in 1976 by economist Fred Hirsch to replace the more colloquial, but less precise "neener-neener."
Howard: That's not true. My happiness is not dependent on my best friend being miserable and alone.
Raj: Thank you.
Howard: Although, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit of a perk.
* Leonard: Hey, what are you and Bernadette doing for your first Valentine's Day?
Howard: Yeah, I am pulling out all the stops. There's a $39.95 lover's special at P.F. Chang's. Egg rolls, dumplings, bottomless wok, and you get your picture taken on the big marble horse out front.
Sheldon: Given that Saint Valentine was a third century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
Howard: I understand your point, but given a choice, Jews always go with Chinese food.
* Raj: Well, if anyone's interested, I'll be spending this Valentine's Day the same way I spend every Valentine's Day. Buying a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket, taking it home, standing over the sink and eating it out of the package with my bare hands like an animal.
* Leonard: Sheldon, I'm not taking you to Switzerland. {...} I'm sorry, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Sorry? I've been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was nine years old.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I've been dreaming about spending Valentine's Day with a girl since I was six.
Sheldon: Shame on you! That's no dream for a scientist!
* Leonard: This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh. Wow. Okay. Let's see. We've got, uh, milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue... My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this. Then I'm going to climb on his back and rocket to the Moon?
Leonard: No. But it does involve air travel.
* Sheldon: I call your attention to the Friendship Rider in Appendix C: Future Commitments. "Number 37: in the event one friend is ever invited to visit the Large Hadron Collider, now under construction in Switzerland, he shall invite the other friend to accompany him."
Leonard: Oh, for God's sakes.
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: Yeah. We also put in what happens if one of us wins a MacArthur Grant, or if one of us gets superpowers, or if one of us is bitten by a zombie.
Sheldon: He can't kill me, even if I turn.
Penny: Is there anything in there about if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Leonard: No, that seemed a little far-fetched.
* Leonard: Sheldon, do you really expect to enforce this?
Sheldon: I've lived up to all my commitments under the agreement. At least once a day I ask how you are, even though I simply don't care.
* Leonard: Okay, I know what'll cheer you up. Let's play one of your driving games.
Sheldon: All right. This game is called Traitors. I will name three historical figures, you put them in order of the heinousness of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: You really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
Sheldon: You're right. Judas had the decency to hang himself after what he did.
* Penny: What the hell is that?
Leonard: Uh, let's see. Yup, 30 pieces of silverware.
* Sheldon: I believe you know why I'm here.
Penny: Well, I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
Sheldon: Very funny. Extraordinary intelligence might well appear extraterrestrial to you, but let me be more specific. I believe you know why I'm here in the laundry room.
Penny: Better acoustics for your throat singing?
Sheldon: { tests throat singing in the laundry room } It's actually not bad. But my true purpose in being here will be revealed in this brief PowerPoint presentation. ...
* Penny: If it means that much to you, you should go.
Sheldon: Oh, Penny, thank you!
Penny: You're welcome.
Sheldon (hugs Penny): Since I rarely hug, I'm relying on your expertise regarding duration.
Penny: I think we're there.
* Raj: You know what? Even though I don't have a girlfriend, I can still have a good time on Valentine's Day.
Howard: Trust me, you can't. I've tried.
Raj: No, no, no, I'm going to have a "me" day. First I'm going to go to one of those spas in Koreatown, take a steam and get a massage. Then I'm going to stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.
* Leonard: Penny?! Are you okay?
Penny: Did that sound okay to you? Do not come in here!
Leonard: What's going on?
Penny: I'm having a tea party. What do you think's going on? I think I might have the flu. Or the plague.
Leonard: Well, our plane leaves at 9:00 A.M. Do you think you'll feel better by then?
Penny: Yep. 'Cause I'm gonna be dead.
* Penny: Here's your soup.
Sheldon: Chicken?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: With the little stars?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Heated to 82 degrees?
Penny: Let's I put it on your knees, and you'll say it to me?
Sheldon: You don't have to be mean. I'm sick.
Penny: Yeah, well, I'm sick, too.
Sheldon: Not my problem.
* Sheldon: I just don't understand how this happened to me. I'm scrupulous about my hygiene. I regularly disinfect my hands, and I avoid contact with other people on general principle.
Penny: I don't know what to tell you, Sheldon.
Sheldon (remembers hug with Penny): Oh, Penny, thank you!
Penny: You're welcome.
Sheldon: It's you! I touched you!
Penny: Happy Valentine's Day.
* Raj: Oh, my goodness, look at this room! Champagne! Roses! Oh! And little chocolates! This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever.
Leonard: Yeah, I forgot about all this.
Raj: But I never will.
--- Словарик:
possessor — владелец, обладатель; собственник
colloquial — разговорные слова и выражения
perk — воспрянуть духом, оживиться, приободриться; задирать нос, заноситься
dumpling — клёцка; яблоко, запечённое в тесте
wok — котелок с выпуклым днищем (особ. для блюд китайской кухни)
rotisserie — портативный электрический рашпер с (вертящимся) вертелом
far-fetched — неестественный, натянутый, притянутый за уши
heinous — отвратительный, мерзкий, гнусный, ужасный
decency — приличие; благопристойность
chum — товарищ, приятель; закадычный друг; сожитель (по комнате, общежитию, тюремной камере и т. п.); однокашник
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