Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

Two and a Half Men 8×15

& Alan: How would you feel if I said I was moving out?
    Charlie: Same way Charlie Brown feels when Lucy offers to hold the football. Excited, but with a skepticism born out of countless disappointments.

& Alan: Five thousand dollars.
    Charlie: Five grand? For 2 I’d have you buried in the desert and have 3 to get myself a larger penis. To be honest, that’d just be gilding the lily.

& Alan: You have $5000 in your sweatpants?!
    Charlie: I prefer to think of it as three hookers and a Philly cheesesteak.

& Charlie: I love you.
    Rose: Because you can’t have me.
    Charlie: No. This is real. How can I prove it to you?
    Rose: Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear for the woman he loved. Think about it.
    Charlie: ... Would you settle for my brother’s ear?

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& Judith: You go behind my back and talk my husband into giving you some loan?!
    Alan: Herb told you?
    Judith: Of course. We love each other.
    Herb: And we love each other so much, she went through my checkbook.

& Gordon: Manny Quinn, Mr. Harper. Fashion figure.
    Charlie: That’s what I said.
    Gordon: Manny. Quinn. Figure.
    Charlie: Uh-huh.
    Gordon: Manny Quinn!
    Charlie: What the hell is wrong with you?
    Gordon: Nothing. Good night.
    Charlie: Good night.
    Gordon: He’s got the beach house, I’m delivering pizzas. Un-fricking-believable.

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