The Big Bang Theory 5x2

The Infestation Hypothesis

& Sheldon: What are you doing?
    Leonard: Oh, uh, Priya’s calling in a few minutes on Skype, and we are gonna have a dinner date.
    Sheldon: It’s 8:00 in the morning in Mumbai. How can she have dinner?
    Leonard: Fine, whatever. Priya will be having breakfast.
    Sheldon: All right, so technically it’s not a dinner date. I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date. But if you did, you’d open yourself to peer-based mocking, such as, “Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night?”
    Leonard: That doesn’t sound like mocking.
    Sheldon: You didn’t let me finish. Dinfast.

& Sheldon: Are those soy-based candles?
    Leonard: I don’t know. Why?
    Sheldon: Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens.

& Leonard: You know, some people might say that it’s great that we’re trying to make things work long distance. They’d say things like, “Love is stronger than the miles between you”"
    Sheldon: When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized.

& Leonard: You video-chat with Amy all the time. How is this different?
    Sheldon: Don’t you like Amy?
    Leonard: Of course I like Amy.
    Sheldon: Well, there’s the difference.

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& Howard: How’s it going with the long-distance love affair?
    Leonard: Not easy, but we’re making it work.
    Howard: When you say “making it work,” does that include doing the cyber nasty?
    Leonard: What?
    Howard: You know, the virtual pickle tickle. The digital... Bow-chicka-bow-bow.
    Raj: Come on, dude. This is my sister you’re talking about.
    Howard: Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with than him actually touching her with it.
    Leonard: There’s no junk jiggling. We just talk.
    Howard: Are you sane? With high-speed Internet, you have at your fingertips the greatest advancement in the field of sex since the invention of the washcloth.

& Sheldon: Amy? Amy? Amy?
    Amy: You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is symptomatic of obsessive/compulsive disorder?
    Sheldon: Is not. Is not, is not.
    Amy: Denial. Denial, denial. Come in.

& Sheldon: Penny has dragged a chair in off the street whose unknown provenance jeopardizes the health and welfare of every resident in our building.
    Amy: Sheldon, just because you have a focus on cleanliness bordering on the psychotic doesn’t mean I have to participate.
    Sheldon: All right, name your price.
    Amy: Kiss me where I’ve never been kissed before.
    Sheldon: ... You mean like Salt Lake City?
    Amy: Never mind. I’ll talk to Penny.

& Penny: Pretty cool, huh? Probably would cost, like, 200 bucks in a store.
    Amy: I do appreciate a bargain. This entire ensemble once belonged to my dead grandmother.
    Penny: You’re kidding.
    Amy: Everything except bra and panties. And they’re a leopard-spotted secret I share with Victoria.
    Penny: And now me.

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On Imdb.