Wilfred 1x13

Identity

The value of identity is
that so often with it
comes purpose.
Richard R. Grant

& Ryan: What are you doing?Wilfred: I’m writing... my will. After I’m gone, I don’t want you and Bear fighting over my shit... Or any of my other stuff.

& Ryan: Planning on going somewhere?
    Wilfred: We all go some time, mate.

& Wilfred: Ryan, you’ve seen what I’m capable of. You do whatever it takes to win, just this once, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you Jenna.
    Ryan: There is no “just this once.” You do one bad thing, and it leads to another, and before you know it, you’re forgetting who you really are. It’s a slippery slope.

& Ryan: Why are you here? ... I need some answers, Wilfred. I can’t keep ignoring the fact that none of this makes any sense! ... What are you? Who are you? Why are you?
    Wilfred: I can’t tell you.
    Ryan: Why not?
    Wilfred: They’re listening.

& Wilfred: Ryan, remember the night before we met?.. The pills you took?..
    Ryan: Yes.
    Wilfred: They worked, mate. I’m sorry, Ryan. They worked. You must have noticed things here are different. Shit’s a little off, right?

& Wilfred: You’re somewhere in between. ...
    Ryan: So-so none of this is really happening?
    Wilfred: Everything on the island is real, but the rest is an illusion.
    Ryan: What island?!
    Wilfred: Uh, forget that last bit.
    Ryan: Wilfred!
    Wilfred: Shh! Smoke monster!
    Ryan: I’ve seen Lost, Wilfred!
    Wilfred: What did you think of the ending?

& Ryan: Why can’t I get a straight answer out of you?
    Wilfred: Come on, Ryan! These are big existential questions. Best left for boring Russian novelists and teenagers on acid. Real people don’t think about this shit!

& Wilfred: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am gonna summon up my own smoke monster.

---

& Ryan: You said you’d deliver Jenna if I won.
    Wilfred: You took that seriously? Dude, Jenna’s not a meat-lover’s pizza I can have delivered in 30 minutes or less. Hey, you know what sounds good right now? Chinese.
    Ryan: So you lied?
    Wilfred: I did not lie. I Wilfred-lied.
    Ryan: You manipulated me.
    Wilfred: No. I Wilfred-manipulated you.

& Wilfred: You smell funny. You smell like... cunning*.

& Wilfred: I don’t know what you’re up to, Ryan, but I’ve got my nose and ears on you. And my eyes, too, I guess, but frankly, my vision’s pretty shitty.

& Leo: You know, I’d be curious to find out what Mr. Patel thinks of his homeland. Would you describe it as clean?
    Mr. Patel: Allow me to answer your question with a question. Do you like garbage everywhere?
    Wilfred: Yes!
    Mr. Patel: You like puddles of diarrhea in the street?
    Wilfred: Uh, duh!
    Mr. Patel: Do you like seeing dead, decaying animals wherever you go?
    Wilfred: Holy shit! Is this India place real?

& Wilfred: 37... 38, 39, 40! Whoo-hoo! All right, as I was saying, you can’t treat these people like bloody pieces in some twisted game of chess... Don’t even think about it! Ryan, I swear to God, if you blow one more... bubbles, whoo-hoo! One, two, three, four.......

& Wilfred: ... It’s an evil game you’re playing. Don’t get me wrong... it’s brilliant, but you’re on that slippery slope, Ryan, and any minute... Bubbles! Goddamn you, Ryan. One, two, three, four.......

& Leo: I’m waiting in the car.
    Kristen: No, I’m waiting in the car!
    Mr. Patel: The e-vite said 1:00 to 5:00. I’ve got two more hours. I am not leaving.

& Wilfred: Hope you’re proud of yourself, Ryan. I’m gonna be up all night licking Jenna’s tears. Know what all that sodium’s going to do to my blood pressure?

& Wilfred: What’s happened?
    Ryan: The station’s sending over an insurance rep tomorrow to give her a drug test, which means...
    Wilfred: We have to disembowel the insurance rep.
    Ryan: What? No, w-we need clean pee.
    Wilfred: You didn’t let me finish, Ryan. We need to disembowel the insurance representative.

& Wilfred: Do you have Kristen’s piss?
    Ryan: I haven’t been able to ask her yet. You need to stall.
    Wilfred: As we speak, Jenna is squeezing out the last golden droplets of her once promising career.

& Jenna: That was the insurance rep. She said I passed the drug test.
    Ryan: That’s great. Congratulations. ... I guess we’ll have to wait to celebrate.
    Jenna: She also said I’m pregnant.

& Ryan: Please, Wilfred, I need you to pull me back up. I need your help.
    Wilfred: Who are you?
    Ryan: Wilfred, it’s me!
    Wilfred: Help. There’s a stranger in my room! Nurse!


cunning — коварство

On Imdb.

BTW

End of the Season One

Or, maybe the end of all the story.