Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

& Rodrick: This is a Greg thing. I don’t see why I had to come.
    Mom: Because, Rodrick, this is a family event, and like it or not, you’re part of the Heffley family.
    Dad: Yeah. That and we already paid for your ticket.

& Fregley: Hey, guys! Anyone for pizza? ... You know, I can’t believe people leave perfectly good food just lying around. I’ll save that for later.

& Rowley: Hey, I was thinking we should enter the talent show. I could do my magic act and you could be my assistant.
    Greg: Assistant? No way. Doing magic tricks is bad enough. Assisting the guy doing the tricks? I’d never make it to eighth grade.

& Greg: Mom, from now on, I’ll be 100% honest. ... Well, that lasted about a week. Mom somehow didn’t appreciate the completely honest version of me.
    Mom: Happy birthday, Grandpa!
    Grandpa: Next year, I want a chocolate cake.
    Greg: That is, if you’re alive next year.
    Mom: Greg!
    Greg: Honesty, Mom!

& Greg: Don’t you understand? Rodrick isn’t beating me up anymore.
    Rowley: But how are they not going to notice that the lock’s gone?
    Greg: Please. They’re like 40. They can barely remember our names.

& Rodrick: It’s about time, little bro, that you learn the secrets to an easy life.

• Rule number one, don’t be good at something you don’t want to do. ...
• Rule number two, always lower Mom and Dad’s expectations.
• Rule number three, never do something when someone else can do it for you.

---

& Greg: Grandpa doesn’t like TV. Instead, he prefers to watch the lobby on the security channel. ... Please, Grandpa. Please, can we watch a real TV show now?
    Grandpa: TV is just a bunch of fakers. This is real life. It’s real life. You can’t beat it.

& Greg: How’s about we all go down to the games room?
    Grandpa: You boys like games, don’t you?
    Greg: The games room sounds fun... until you realize that all the games in there are from, like, the 1800s. My grandpa’s favorite is a really old board game called Gutbusters.
    Grandpa: Now, remember, the object of the game is to read the joke card... and all the other players have to try not to laugh. Good luck! There is some real rib-ticklers in there!
    Rodrick: Yeah. You go first.
    Greg: “Putting economic policy before fiscal responsibility... is like putting the cart before the horse”...
    Rodrick: ... That is hilarious, Grandpa!

+ quotes on the Imdb.