Sherri: Yeah, we re gonna go scary: Saw IV.
Trudie: Oh, I saw that in theaters. It sucks. It’s not scary, it’s gross. I hate all that torture porn shit.
& Trudie: Who’s this?
The Voice: This is the last person you ever gonna see alive.
& ’Sherri: Trudie!’
Rachel: Fucking kidding me? That was so fucking stupid! Pure horse shit. The death of horror right here in front of us!
Chloe: I jumped. It scared me.
Rachel: A fucking Facebook killer? You’re kidding me right?
Chloe: I guess now it would be Twitter. That’d make more sense.
Rachel: Under articulate teens sit around and deconstruct horror movies until Ghostface kills them one by one. It’s been done to death. The whole self-aware post-modern meta-shit. Stick a fork in 1996 already.
& Chloe: I like the Stab movies. They are scarier. It’s not aliens or zombies or little Asian ghost girls.
& Rachel: I can’t do it. These people don’t know when to stop. They just keep recycling the same shit. Even the opening scene, there is always some random girl who gets a call that undoubtedly ends up getting her killed. It’s all so predictable. There’s no element of surprise. You can see everything coming...
Chloe: Did that surprise you?
Rachel: Why?
Chloe: Because you talk too much. Now shut the fuck up and watch the movie.
& Jenny: OK, timing. Timing is perfect. But you don’t have an app on your phone, so you can’t talk like ghostface, can you?
The Voice: Yes, I can.
Jenny: Who is this?
The Voice: Not an app.
Jenny: Is this Trevor?
The Voice: Do I sound like a Trevor to you? Think of me as your director. You’re in my movie, you got a fun part so don’t blow it.
Jenny: What movie?
The Voice: Same one Marnie’s in, only her scene got cut way back. But you? You’re the dumb blonde with the big tits, we’ll have some fun with you before you die.
Jenny: I have a 4.0 GPA and 135 IQ, asshole. What did you do with Marnie?
The Voice: She’s on the cutting room floor.
Jenny: That’s not funny.
The Voice: This isn’t a comedy, it’s a horror film. People live and people die, and you’d better start running!
& Sheriff Dewey Riley: Looks like the celebration’s begun.
Deputy Judy: High School kids probably.
Dewey: Yeah. One generation’s tragedy is the next one’s joke.
& Robbie: You're a genre nut Kirby, what’s your favorite scary movie?
Kirby Reed: Bambi.
& Rebecca: It’s Rebecca. Oh my fucking God, Henry. Yes! It’s true. Two girls butchered. Pay day. I was so not feeling Woodsboro. Was like lame PR, am I right? Well, fuck me wow! Best idea ever. Henry, I’ll call you back. Excuse me. I have to geek out. I hadn’t got a chance to say something earlier, but it’s suck an honor to meet you.
& Kirby: What movie?
The Voice: Shaun of the Dead.
Kirby: How did you know that?
The Voice: Because I’m standing in the closet.
Kirby: Stop, you’re not.
Jill Roberts: What’s going on?
Kirby: Trevor is being weird. I mean, if it is him, I dunno.
The Voice: This is not fucking Trevor!
Kirby: Well, then who the fuck are you?
The Voice: Open the closet door.
& Kirby: There is no way you’re in there.
The Voice: See for yourself.
Jill: Kirby? Kirby, come on, talk to me. This isn’t funny! Kirby!
Kirby: Liar. I am over this.
The Voice: I never said I was in your closet.
& Gale Weathers-Riley: What if we could catch the killer, by working together? Two generations of cutting edge journalists intertwining our passions for media. What would you say?
Robbie: I love you?
& The Voice: Sidney Prescott, please.
Rebecca: I am handling Ms. Prescott’s calls and appearances. May I take a message?
The Voice: You are the message.
& Charlie: Ok, Cinema Club, we’re not in session. Welcome. I’ll tell you a little bit about ourselves. We’re a sanctioned after school activity, one rung below the Glee club, two above Nintendo Wii Fit.
& Sidney Prescott: You know when people say “I know how you feel”, but you know they’re just saying that because they really have no freaking idea how you feel? I know how you feel.
& Deputy Perkins: This Sidney Prescott detail man, I don’t like it.
Deputy Jenkins: The cops scouting the house, they always get it.
Perkins: What are you talking about?
Jenkins: It’s a movie cop rule. Sucks to be a cop in a movie. Unless you’re Bruce Willis.
Perkins: Not all cops die in movies.
Jenkins: No, but if it’s your last day before retirement you do. If you’re a rookie, some with a wife who’s pregnant, you do. Or if your partner is better looking than you, you do, and by the way...
Perkins: I win that one. Shit. I know this one, you’re not supposed to say that, are you?
Jenkins: Eh, new decade, new rules. You know, these days, you might come back, find me dead. Eyes gouged out, tongue sticking out. Could go either way.
Perkins: I gotta learn this shit.
& Perkins: Fuck Bruce Willis!
& Gale: Dewey.
Dewey: Yeah?
Gale: Promise me something.
Dewey: Anything.
Gale: Catch that motherfucker.
& Charlie: Wow, did you feel that? The charge that moved between us, then?
Kirby: Oh, that was me. I have powers.
Charlie: So sexy...
& Robbie: Wait, no! You can’t, you can’t, there’s rules. I-I-I’m gay, I’m gay. I mean, if it helps...
& Sidney: Even your friends?..
???: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it?! This has never been about killing you. It’s about... becoming you.
& ???: It’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college, grad school, work? Look around, we all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous anymore? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have fucked up shit happen to you. So, you do have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead and, let’s face it, your ingenue days, they are over. Don’t tell me you didn’t know this day would come.
& Sidney: You forgot the first rule of remakes, ???: Don’t fuck with the original.
& Dewey: She was standing right behind?
Sidney: They always are.
--
+ quotes on the Imdb.
__ Very
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