Bad Teacher

& Elizabeth Halsey: Baby doll... I’m home. In here... Get yourself hot coz I’m gonna suck your dick like I’m mad at it. Oh! Look, your moms here. Hi Mom, what a fun surprise.

& Elizabeth: Mark, I’m pregnant.
    Mark’s Mom: Bullshit!
    Mark: No you’re not.
    Elizabeth: Okay fine, I’m not actually pregnant.

& Elizabeth: I dont love you?! I have been listening to you whining about opera for the last year.
    Mark: Okay, if the younger generation doesn’t get into opera then guess what? No more opera! An art form just has died. If opera goes away, we’re fucked.

& Elizabeth: Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?

& Scott Delacorte: I actually just got out of a relationship. Catherine... It’s been a year, she’s still the wallpaper on my phone. She has such a big heart...
    Elizabeth: Looks like enormous.

& Nurse: Dr. Vogel, best hands in Chicago
    Elizabeth: May I?
    Nurse: Absolutely, take em’ for a spin.
    Elizabeth: God! Wow! Yeah... These are amazing! And the nipples... Oh... I’ll take two.

& Clerk at Plastic surgeon clinic: The total is $9300 for the surgery, plus one night stay at our facility. How would you like to pay?
    Elizabeth: That’s absurd. I’m a teacher not a drug dealer.

& Elizabeth: Fucking troll!
    Kirk: Did you call my name?
    Elizabeth: No, I said ’fucking troll’.
    Kirk: Oh, I thought you said Kirk.

& Elizabeth: You know in a lot of ways I think that movies are the new books.

& Lynn Davies: I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles.
    Elizabeth: I wanna sit on his face.

& Sasha: Is that marijuana?
    Elizabeth: No, it’s medical marijuana. I have a prescription and everything. And I’m not gonna tell you why because, it’s between me and my doctor.

& Russell: What wend so wrong in your life that you ended up educating children?
    Elizabeth: I don’t know. Maybe I was a bad person in an other life.

& Kirk: Aren’t you going out with the other nurses?
    Elizabeth: I’m not a nurse.
    Kirk: I thought you were a nurse.

& Elizabeth: I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweat shirt three days a week isn’t getting laid until he’s 29. That’s what I know.
    Garrett: Sweat shirt was my dad’s. That’s all he left me... When he left me.
    Elizabeth: There’s a reason... he didn’t pack it. Just saying.

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& Elizabeth: Come on Lynn, you need to loosen up and live a little. When’s the last time you had a good dicking?

& Elizabeth: We’re here to learn. Anybody else have a problem with that?

& Chase: We haven’t had homework all year!
    Elizabeth: Things are about to change around here. Recess is over.

& Elizabeth: You seem like such a wild man Carl... What turns you on Carl?
    Carl: Eh... Everything.
    Elizabeth: You wanna know what turns me on?.. Sex in an office. Getting fucked really hard against a wooden desk.
    Carl: Mine’s metal.
    Elizabeth: Even better.

& Scott: So, are you excited about your surgery?
    Elizabeth: I’ve never been more excited about anything!
    Scott: It’s a pretty inspiring message to the kids. We should never stop working on ourselves. Like you, with your little boobs or me experimenting with ethnic food.

& Amy Squirrel: ... We’re gonna have to cross check her entire class’s scores.
    Principal Wally Snur: This is a real shit sandwich!

& Scott: Slavery’s the worst. If I could go back in time and undo slavery? I would.
    Elizabeth: I hate it.
    Scott: I hate it.
    Russel: Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt you guys, but... I couldn’t help it over hear your conversations. Can I tell you guys what I hate?.. Sharks.
    Scott: Well, sharks can tear families apart.
    Russel: But they’re also so majestic.
    Scott: They are beautiful creatures.
    Russel: But they’re also so ferocious*.
    Scott: So ferocious. One of nature’s cruel joke I guess...

& Garrett: Remember, in the second grade when we had a sleep over and you wet the bed?.. And you were so embarrassed, and you made me promise never to tell anyone? Well, I never have and I never will.

& Elizabeth: She’s superficial and her priorities are all fucked up. She likes him because he’s hot and popular dude. You... are sensitive.
    Garrett: Yes, thank you.
    Elizabeth: It’s not a compliment. You have some rough road ahead of you. Seventh grade is not your moment.
    Garrett: Yeah, eighth grade will be better.
    Elizabeth: Probably not. I think in college... That’s your window be ready.

& Russel: I couldn’t help but notice that you’re not wearing a bra And those... Those kids are there playing with it.
    Elizabeth: Much people don’t wear bras.
    Russel: Definitely. Much teachers.
    Elizabeth: Well if you must know, I was helping a student through a tough time.
    Russel: I’m going through such a tough time. Can I have your panties?
    Elizabeth: I’m not wearing any.

& Elizabeth: You know? The two of us... It’s never gonna happen.
    Russel: Clearly?
    Elizabeth: How would that even work? Where do you even live? In some weird apartment with some creepy roommate?
    Russel: No. My creepy roommate moved out. So now its just... just me and the dogs.
    Elizabeth: How many dogs do you have?
    Russel: Four.
    Elizabeth: Four dogs?
    Russel: Four Dobermans.
    Elizabeth: Any family money?
    Russel: Yeah, you bet? We’re talking like three figures... Almost 700 bucks.
    Elizabeth: So, basically, if I was gonna go out with you, I would be making the conscious choice to be dating a Gym Teacher who lives in a shack with four dogs?
    Russel: I prefer to think of it as two people with amazing bodies... sharing those bodies with each other. Giving each other the gift of these bodies.

& Lynn: You didn’t get your... Your titties..?
    Elizabeth: Yea... I thought about it, you know. Cause I don’t even need them. Plus they’re really expensive, you know... per tit.

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ferocious — свирепый; жестокий; ужасный

+ quotes on the Imdb.

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