Crime Aid

The Office 5×4

Michael Scott: In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me, I'll know for sure.

Phyllis Lapin: You want to talk about it?
Dwight Schrute: About what?
Phyllis Lapin: You know I know. You know they know.
Dwight Schrute: I know none of that. And if I did, you'd be the last to know.

Oscar Martinez: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin Malone: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar Martinez: How does that even compare?
Kevin Malone: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.

Dwight Schrute: She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism... Presents on your birthday, preventative medicine.
Phyllis Lapin: It's nice to learn new things.
Dwight Schrute: I was talking to myself.

Angela Martin: I never felt safe here.
Andy Bernard: You're always safe with me. I'm a very good screamer.

Creed Bratton: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

Dwight Schrute: Listen! She ignored my ultimatum. Now what?
Phyllis Lapin: Now you move on.
Dwight Schrute: ... Okay, fine, I've moved on. Now how do I get her back?

David Wallace: No. I did not know that Michael was dating Holly.

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