Baby Shower

The Office 5×4

Jim Halpert: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor, and Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now this baby will be related to Michael through... delusion.

Michael Scott: So are we set for refreshments?
Phyllis Lapin: Per your instructions we have the personalized M&M's with the baby names. This is your boy bowl with the name Chevy.
Michael Scott: That was me.
Phyllis Lapin: And this is the girl bowl with M&M's with the name Astird.
Angela Martin: That can't be right.
Phyllis Lapin: Michael wrote down "Astird."
Michael Scott: She said it is the name of a Viking princess, so... Astird.

Michael Scott: Two bowls of M&M's and some balloons? You know what, Phyllis? I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out, because if I'm not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower... Well, you know what, where's my golden shower, Phyllis?

Michael Scott: It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I'm going to love it. It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is... It's so bizarre and unnatural, but it happens.

Phyllis Lapin: Okay, I'm collecting for the baby shower.
Kevin Malone: But, Phyllis, it's not his baby.
Phyllis Lapin: I know, Kevin.
Kevin Malone: Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm-bank baby?

Phyllis Lapin: I do enjoy being the head of the Party Planning Committee. I'm no longer under Angela's heel, and her little grape head is under mine.

Stanley Hudson: I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They're always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don't get sore, too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?

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