Survivor Man

The Office 4×7

Michael Scott: Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping. And... Do you know what "hypothetical" means?
Jim Halpert: Not real.
Michael Scott: Got it. So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely. Yes. When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes.
Michael Scott: Really?
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Oh, do you want to go today?
Jim Halpert: And I am always busy.

Michael Scott: Okay, I will only need two things, a roll of duct tape and a knife.

Dwight Schrute: People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace." Well, I say it's better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose.

Michael Scott: I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day, and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me.
Jim Halpert: Okay. Great.
Michael Scott: This is a very personal, private experience in the wild that I wish to share with me, myself and I.
Jim Halpert: Yep.
Michael Scott: When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.
Jim Halpert: That'd be great.

Dwight Schrute: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way... No, I do not.

Jim Halpert: There are 13 people working in this office, so 13 times a year, Michael gets a cake and balloons and some sort of joke gift and makes a toast. And there are two types of toasts. One is a joke about how old you are...
Michael Scott: Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.
Jim Halpert: And the other is something inappropriate or horrible or both.

Michael Scott: Here we go into the wild, to the mighty forest. Can you smell the trees and the nature?

Kevin Malone: I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.

Stanley Hudson: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon, I might die.
Jim Halpert: Why don't you just have an apple?
Stanley Hudson: Why don't you mind your business?

Jim Halpert: Toby's great. He's great. But sometimes he can be a little bit much.

Jim Halpert: Hey, everybody. Hi, how are you doing? Could I have your attention, please? 'Cause we have to talk about this birthday thing.
Pam Beesly: Conference room?
Jim Halpert: Yes. Conference room. Five minutes-- No. No. We're going to solve it right here.

Phyllis Lapin: Hey, Michael. I mean Jim.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact.

Michael Scott: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth and clothing and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive.
     I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air because I have the freshest air around, AC. And I don't need wide open spaces.

Michael Scott: So what did I miss?
Jim Halpert: Well, I tried to put all the birthdays together at once.
Michael Scott: Oh. So, terrible idea.
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Okay, I did that. Rookie mistake.
Jim Halpert: You did do it?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out.
Jim Halpert: Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years, but...
Michael Scott: That's what I said. That's what she said.
Jim Halpert: That's what who said?
Michael Scott: I never know. But I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension when things sort of get hard.
Jim Halpert: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Hey. Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.

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