Did I Stutter?

The Office 4×12

Michael Scott: Everybody, everybody, listen up. I need your ideas now... Ideas, please, right now. Go, go! Come on!
Pam Beesly: Michael, we don't know what you're talking about.
Michael Scott: Wet cement outside. It's drying fast.

Michael Scott: Come on, this is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write?

Dwight Schrute: Andy and Angela seem very happy. I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them.

Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Pam, those make you look so ugly. Pam, in order to get hotter, you take glasses off. You're moving in the wrong direction.
Pam Beesly: I don't have my contacts...
Michael Scott: I can't even hear you. It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist.

Michael Scott: It was joking, Toby, all right?
Toby Flenderson: He didn't seem like he was joking.
Michael Scott: Well, you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man, and you're... you.

Michael Scott: If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another. "Hey, you're poor." "Well, hey, your mama's dead." That's what friends do. It's... You're so white.

Dwight Schrute: Well, here are your options. You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff, you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or you can sell it to me and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.
Andy Bernard: I have to pick one of those?
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Andy Bernard: Can you go over those options again?

Stanley Hudson: I am not going to apologize to you. It's like I used to tell my wife. "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too.

Michael Scott: Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this other than me... You!
Dwight Schrute: Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart... This gives me full authority over every single person in the office.
Michael Scott: I never said you could do that.
Dwight Schrute: All you have to do is say it.

Dwight Schrute: Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... Do it. Give me control, Michael. I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. Do it, Michael. Do it. Hey. This office needs a strongman. Say it!

Michael Scott: I would have never thought that gangs would be tickling each other.
Darryl Philbin: Well, it's effective.

Michael Scott: Do you have anything to say to me?
Stanley Hudson: Ooh, yes, I do. You are out of your damn little pea-sized mind. What is wrong with you? Do you have any sense at all? Do you have any idea how to run an office? Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before. And I think, "There's no possible way he can top that." But what do you do? You find a way, damn it, to top it. You are a professional idiot...
Michael Scott: Hey, stop it! Okay, everybody out.

Kevin Malone: It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. And then in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. So that's about it.

Michael Scott: Well, Stanley, maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me because you don't know me very well.
Stanley Hudson: Michael, I've known you a very long time, and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you. Any other theories?

Michael Scott: I am a good person, and sometimes good people don't get no respect.

Michael Scott: Feedback, anybody? Stanley?
Stanley Hudson: Has potential to be your best idea yet.
Phyllis Lapin: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Michael Scott: Damn it, Phyllis! All right, everybody out except Phyllis.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb